Hey Everyone! My brother is gay and we belong to an extremely conservative family. Per my parents, he’s at the age of getting married now and they are worried sick of getting him married with a girl. They’ve also been asking me constantly to talk to him if he has a girlfriend or something. How should we handle this situation. I’m clueless of how I could help my brother here and I’d appreciate any help/advice.

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Just be there to listen to your brother if he wants to talk. My brothers were the first people i ever came out to after college. And dont out your brother if he is still in the closet.

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Thank you! I’m always there for him and it’s definitely his decision. Just not sure how to deal with my parents’ stress. I do feel bad for them and want to help them understand, just not sure how.

What are their worries exactly? Public perception? Your brothers loneliness? That he will go to hell? Once you’ve identified the exact issue, it may be easier to address (or not, depending on your brother’s preference).

Does your brother plan on coming out to them? Follow his lead there and be supportive no matter the fall out. Sounds like you’re a great sibling and he’s lucky to have you!

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Thank you! Yes, they live in a small town where people around ask questions. They assume he has a girlfriend and that’s the reason he is not accepting any “arrange marriage” proposals.

My brother plans on telling them that he’s not interested in the concept of marriage. That’s all they’ll know about him.

The older I get, the more disconnected I feel about what my family wants/wanted for me (granted they never really imposed their wants on me much). Is your brother financially independent from your parents? Does he still live within this community? The best way to know how to help is to ask him. If you feel comfortable, tell your parents that dating in 2024 can be complicated and that you don’t feel comfortable constantly pestering your brother about his dating life.

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Thank you for sharing this. Even for us, our parents don’t really impose their desires. They just get a bit stressed when people ask questions about my brother and his future plans (I know it sounds stupid and trivial, but that’s how people in my hometown have always been). He lives outside the country and is financially independent. Thank god for this. To add to this, him deciding not to get married ever will also come across as a shock to my parents. They are of the conventional mindset of marriage at 28-30, having kids at 32, buying a home at that age and retirement at 60 (Nothing against this approach, I just believe not everybody wants it in this day and age).

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When your brother tires of the constant pressure,he will tell them or go far enough away for them not to be that intrusive. Your parents have a right to know and it's really only fair that they are told that the wedding will be a little different,if there is one. Our parents build up these perfect prince/princess weddings and futures and they simply can't wait to show him and his bride off to other parents that have bragged and or have grandchildren. It will stop when your brother makes it stop. Won't be easy and he might lose the love of his parents (only if their live was conditional) and some family and friends may get lost too. He has a great start with you tho. Hope it all works out.

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I hope you all find strength and peace and unconditional love.

Ok. You both should get IVF surrogacies, and find stable partners. That should solve any woes or worries. Just tell your parents you want to borrow 100K.

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