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Oh man, this 100%. Everything is terrible, better not make a move or stand up for yourself, things could get even worse.
I’ve read a lot of books on stoicism. Ryan Holiday is a good one. A lot of therapy that forces you to really examine whether your thinking patterns are realistic and whether the worst outcome is really that bad. Would recommend.
And then just thought a lot about how I frame things and examined how they live. If you start from the position that you’re a capable, competent person and everything will generally be okay, you’ll have a much better time. Sometimes you just need to tune them out. I recently had an opportunity and my mom started going into all the potential pitfalls and I just said, point-blank, “Mom, I can’t frame things that way, or I’ll never make any move.”
Finding time away from work helps too. The less laser-focused you are on work 24/7, the less you ruminate.
I think the roughest part is that their lack of faith that things will work out makes me doubt my own competence, like if my parents don’t believe in me, who will?
But if I think critically about it, I’ve done pretty well, and they have the same pessimism about themselves. So you have to ask what life you want. If I believe in myself and fail, is it really so bad? Really?
Really good insights, thanks 🙏
Distance. My mom insists our family has a curse that gives us bad luck. Every day she thinks she’s dying and turns out the next day she just pulled a muscle. It’s given me trust issues and I have to be really careful not to always think of the worst case scenario. Other than therapy, limiting contact with her has been my only relief.
Still working on this. Mom has untreated depression and anxiety (refuses to go) but complains every second. Dad has a degenerative disease which is horrible but I swear my mom stresses me out 100x more. Sister also has severe depression w suicidal ideation. It’s to the point where I have a visceral feeling of dread when I get a text message from either of them. It’s a shame because I had a good relationship with my mom before this. Working on compartmentalizing and enjoying life with my husband but it’s hard. Also read a good book on this years back called “It Is Your Parents’ Fault” so maybe try giving that a read.
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Sorry to hear what you’re going through. It sounds really hard. My mother also refuses to get treatment for her depression/anxiety. It’s hard because I’ve been in therapy most of my adult life and would love for her to get help as well but she doesn’t believe she needs it. I have a child and it’s my priority to get help, I want to be as healthy mentally as possible so I don’t negatively affect her. That’s my biggest fear, having her grow up resenting me like how I resent my own mother.
No I haven’t! My mother is like this. Always assumes the worst will happen or that something bad happens when I don’t pick up etc. Creates a lot of doubt.
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How exactly does it affect you at work? Do you have black and white thinking, like either everything is great or everything is horrible?
You become a pessimist and therefore get diacouraged easily, on top of the inherent things of our job that cause both. It’s hard to explain if you are not in that situation but I know exactly what OP means.
I have the opposite problem. My Dad, especially, is an eternal optimist. Might sound good on paper but when you’re trying to explain how terrible shit is for your specific current circumstances, he basically doesn’t believe it. 👌🏼