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I learned this lesson the hard way when I got pregnant and had a very similar experience to you. Honestly, looking back I’m glad it happened then. It was a turning point and a lot of my friendships didn’t survive, but I also deepened friendships with others and made new friendships with other moms. I’m not comfortable going into too much detail here, but feel free to DM
It happened to me, and almost everyone I know who got pregnant and then had a “good friend” who shuns them and turns their back/cold shoulder/spite breakup. Some women are just incredibly immature, selfish, jealous, unhappy, toxic etc- or a combination thereof. Many women cannot really articulate that when a friend gets pregnant, it creates a huge black hole of jealousy or self consciousness: “Why don’t I have that?” “Why is she moving on and growing up?” “I wanted a baby before she did” etc.
One of my best friends did this to me, but worse and more overt hateful things, when I had my daughter at a fairly “young” age. I was the only person with a baby, and I quickly realized that many of my female friends HATED me for finding a partner and getting pregnant. It was so hurtful and depressing. It’s 100% NOT you. Invest in finding some mom friends or more in your other relationships. Fuck her.
I feel this... I’m also first to get married and first to have baby, I’m 27 so pretty young but not sure if it’s “jealousy”, it’s like she’s looking down on me for making that choice “so young”. She is a bit of a social climber and I saw her cut off friends before, so I shouldn’t have been surprised that she’s gonna cut me off.. it just feels shitty...
Maybe this isn’t about you at all. She did you a favor, once the baby gets here you’ll realize how important a mom tribe is. Single friends just can’t relate or provide any value. Once your baby gets here you’re going to go through some real shit! Motherhood isn’t for the faint of heart and snowflakes like this friend of yours will really have no place in your circle.
I had a similar situation with a lifelong bff. Assuming she isn’t trying to have a family herself and struggling, you two might have just grown apart. We had a honest talk and she didn’t outright say she was a shitty friend but she apologized for exactly that. And when the baby was born, things didn’t get better. It hurts but there’s not much you can do, if you decide that the friendship isn’t worth all the work you put into it.
That’s fine. I get that. But yes yours/mine was a shitty friend :( I actually had a friend I grew apart from invited.. we don’t really hang out or talk much but I still respect and appreciate her and love her from the distance for the times we had together, she’s a dentist now.. she logged on during her break while her patient was in her chair to congratulate me, and dropped of her gift to my baby that morning.. but I suppose it’s just different kind of people..
It was nice and I got to see family and talk to them and friends I haven’t seen it ages especially since I tried to stay safe during Covid I’m also sending everyone a small gift who got me one. One person that didn’t bother to come over(my sister gave that option to few close ones) or login for 5 minutes to say hi and congratulations or get a 7$ gift was my “best friend” despite telling my sister she would...she was doing a peloton work out during that time... she also had a birthday party that I wasn’t invited to because “Covid and I’m pregnant and can’t drink” which is fine, but invite would have been nice gesture no.. whatever.. but the fact that she didn’t even bother to click a zoom link to see me during this time really hurt me.. I had ppl I haven’t seen log in from work! Who had patients on their chairs! Someone was in a train!.. I know it’s because I’m pregnant and no longer “fit the hot girl summer” image she’s trying to show the world, but I can’t help but feel sad and disappointed... I know I should just let it go and not send anymore mental energy thinking about this..
I’m sorry she made you feel this way, I feel you!
So, the question is… do you want to call her out on it? If you’re willing to let it be o without being addressed, maybe the friendship was already waning on both sides?
I don’t want to call it out and make it worse. It definitely hurt my self esteem a bit so calling her out on it would make me feel worse.. at this point it’s not worth it.. I do not want to feel “desperate” even tho the fact that this hurt me so much already makes me feel that way. She had plenty of opportunity, if she chooses to cut me off it’s on her. I’m not going to be extendeding an invite anymore..
From my perspective it seems like she wants what you have and is definitely struggling not having it.
Is didn’t make it to my best friends wedding reception because I had booked a trip to a film festival out of town. While that might sound somewhat legit, it wasn’t and I just didn’t want to go alone to another wedding reception.
Deeply, she might be struggling. Maybe she’s been pregnant before and you don’t know about it.
So this is objectively shitty behavior on her part and by and large this sounds like you two are growing apart. But I’d encourage you to have an honest conversation with her about it.
I was the other person in this scenario and didnt attend my once best friends wedding. There were legit logistical reasons, but in hindsight I realized that I was harboring some hard feelings over feeling in the years leading up that she neglected our friendship in favor her then budding romance, and probably didn’t fully appreciate how not being there for her in that moment would be the beginning of the end of our friendship. I wasn’t jealous of her life, but I was naively ignorant to just how significant that milestone was because I couldn’t wasn’t anywhere close to being there myself. Im not proud of that and cringe thinking about it now. But I really believe if we’d both been honest about the ways in which we’d both felt slighted we’d still be friends.
If this has felt like an ego blow I think confronting it head on constructively will help you put that feeling to bed as well. If she doesn’t handle the conversation well it will solidify that your time is better spent invested in forging friendships with those who know how and when to show up for you.
Regardless of where this relationship goes, congratulations on becoming a mother!