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Enthusiast
Online dating apps are a mess 🤢
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Where do you listen to music?
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I really miss breeding out one night stands.
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Finally got my keystone master achievement!!!
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BCG > Bain or Bain > BCG?
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As an immigrant with an American partner, I too don’t want my future kids too Americanized & want them to be exposed to my language and culture. Would consider a big red flag if my partner wasn’t open to a dual language school and frequent immersion to my culture. I do believe that an equal exposure to both cultures is ideal, but not possible when we live in the US, so the exposure to my culture needs to be more intentional in order to be “equal”.
Name-wise, I’ve always thought that we need names easily pronounced in both languages so it’s not “too” American or “too” international. Luckily there are a few options between English and my native language :)
Rising Star
Oh man. You are kidding yourself hard.
I get what you’re saying, but your kids won’t be “Americanized.” They’ll be American, with a heritage in your country. Your strategy of “I’ll go extra hard on my culture to balance it out” will only make them feel alienated from the actual country they live in.
On the other hand, “overbearing immigrant parent” IS a classic American tradition…
Rising Star
When it comes to naming, keep in mind that, if you live in the US, your child will be Americanized regardless of what you might want (as will their friends). I had many friends growing up with very traditionally ethnic names who got more grief for their names than anything else.
Rising Star
People don’t change after marriage. You should accept what he’s saying as what he wants. If you’re concerned about what he’s saying, now is the time to hash it out.
Which slavic country is he from?
Rising Star
As a mixed-race kid who knows several others like me from various cultures:
Doesn’t matter how he tries, they’re gonna watch the Disney channel, love cheeseburgers, struggle to speak their native tongue (if at all), buy a gun, wear blue jeans, and make braindead TikToks. It is inevitable 🥲
The "buy a gun" thing is only applicable to red states.
If you live in a blue state, your kid will one day come home and insist on "they/their" pronouns and tell everyone they are either "demisexual" or "pansexual".
Not trying to blame you or him, but how was this not talked about before the marriage?
Chief
Completely agree with KPMG1, how does one get engaged without discussing something so major? I literally know my bfs retirement plans lol
Enthusiast
I’m more comfortable keeping it a truly dual cultural upbringing and see what elements the kid likes from each. Should I be concerned by how much my fiancé wants to recreate his life for his child or just view it as thats his only frame of ref?
Makes sense to me. Obviously you’re planning on marrying a non-American so should expect they would want the kids to have a part of their culture, religion, and upbringing. My husband is American and I’m not. We’re currently pregnant with our first and we’ve agreed middle names tor our kids will be my country/native names. I want for my kids to speak my language, or at least understand it, because that’s a part of me and that means a lot to me, so I plan on speaking my language to the kids and pray they learn. We’re also planning on sending kids to live with my family in m home country during school breaks so they learn the culture, language and also get that upbringing kids get in my country. This is as much as we can do as parents, the rest ultimately will be the kids decision on what they want to incorporate into their lives from both cultures, but want to make sure they’re exposed to both. Thankfully we’re both Christians, so there’s no two religions.
Rising Star
Have a very honest and direct conversation, or conversations, about this now, BEFORE you are married.
Rising Star
And make sure you have arrived at an understanding and agreement.
I think there needs to be a conversation about setting realistic expectations. You live in America - being “americanized” is going to happen. But, teaching kids about their ancestry and culture is always important and can help provide unique perspectives. But, it’s important to not chastise or look down on the little one for living the culture of where they live.
Enthusiast
There’s definitely a disconnect here that will lead to compatibility issues down the road. My immigrant parents chose an Americanized first name and a cultural middle name which I was very happy about as a child. They wanted to avoid any bullying, and it worked. Maybe you can work a compromise out like that as well. Additionally, I was sent to a language immersion school on the weekends to learn the language and culture which was enjoyable. We went on family trips to the homeland in the summer a few times. I would probably not approve of moving to his homeland, I would not be comfortable giving birth in a new place nor displacing our children like that. He came to America to make a life out of it, so having a discussion about moving back would be honestly alarming and a huge red flag for me- unless the standards of life is higher like Denmark or Germany lol.
Rising Star
I have a bunch of cousins who had a similar upbringing to what he wants but Catholic + Muslim households - it was cute and had the UN feel in the beginning but got pretty bad as the kids got older. Cultural differences are easy but religious differences are hard to overcome imo, they all ended up divorced and my cousins grew up in a super confusing environment.
Enthusiast
Agreed with a lot of folks here. In intercultural and religious relationships there has to be real commitment and being okay with the others culture being a real part of the kids identity. On my end it doesn’t bother me at all. The only thing is I’m not rushing to go to his homeland just because he doesn’t want his kids to be American. I’m American raised by immigrant parents and I get what he’s saying but I’m saying he doesn’t want American kids I can’t help but take that somewhat personally. Even with religion he’s fine with kids learning both religions but if asked by anyone or told to write their religion on any form he wants them to use his religion. I think this is not really considering me and am increasingly thinking of having his kids grow up like him is that important it’s best he do it with a woman from his same background. Otherwise it’s just asking me to forsake my identity