I am feeling socially isolated in the US. My husband and I have “friends” from college, MBA, previous jobs but no close knit friend circle. We have 2 kids under 2 and host a lot of gatherings for birthdays, festivals but I don’t see reciprocity from people who come to our events. I don’t know how to form closer friends that I can chat with on a day to day basis, go on trips together, rely for help (and Ofcourse help in return). Am I being unrealistic or it’s too late for that kind of friendship?

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I rely more on paid help than favors and this is not just in US. Growing up in Delhi, with 2 very busy working parents and no grandparents, my parents relied very heavily on paid help who became family to us. I understand your pain of how some are able to bond while many of us including me feel left out in the desi circles despite opening our doors. As someone mentioned, it's our choice to invite but that doesn't necessarily mean others will invite us into their close circle as well. We face the same problem in my son's daycare where a group of desi parents have a close circle, I am happy for them but also grateful to be not part of their inner circle. It takes time to find your people.

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We were in the same boat. We stopped hosting and going to big parties. Met a solid group of friends through a local moms group. Over time, quality over quantity!

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On the Peanut app!

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Happy to connect! I’m in Bay Area too but don’t have kids :)

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Sending you a DM. Thanks for offering to connect.

Agree with the posts that said good friends after we had our kids and expanded as the kids moved from daycare to public school.

We do go vacation with some families but they don’t look like us. Vacations are tricky. You need families with similar parenting priorities (naps, bedtime, mealtimes, etc) and we found that ours align with families from other backgrounds and religions. So we do not limit our options to families that look like us.

Also, we find we often initiate first, but if a family returns the invite. We hold on to them!

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When my kids started preschool (same preschool that feeds into our public school district) we made some friends that were in the same place in life as us. Eldest started kg this year at the public achool and we continue to be friends as most of these folks are also our neighbors. Not necessarily close friends but we can rely on for help/ pickups and reciprocate. Also through kids activities and other school social events.
Prior to preschool it was hard to find friends that understood where I was in life. Even my friends from college or work couldn’t really fully be there for me

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I know other kids and parents in the school district that do trips together and form tighter friendships. I have yet to find that but for now I’m content with what I have.

Let’s connect if you’re in Dallas ? My wife and I are in the same boat

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We are in Bay Area and have an almost 2 year old toddler. DM if you want to connect

I am from Bay Area! Same boat! Open to connect. We currently don’t have kids but are modern, active couple and love planning and participating in activities like game nights, hiking, trips and fun

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Sending a DM :)

People have their own lives and families to take care of. I don’t know who has time to chat every day. What kind of help are you talking about here?

Expecting Desi style social construct is unrealistic. It’s your choice to invite people to your house, you cannot expect them to return the favor. I’ve found that people are willing to help , but it will depend on their availability and what exactly are you asking of them. It is highly unlikely anyone will have time to chat every single day. There are plenty of group trips , hobbies etc that you can sign up for. You may make new friends there too

Close friendship are formed organically. You seem to have a chores list. I would suggest treating and addressing those things as chores.

I understand that and feel the same way.

F.. we experienced the same thing. We don’t have kids so thought people will kids wants to hang out with each other and that our situation will change once we have kids

Unfortunately it’s not changed much for us. Surprisingly even with 2 under 2, I’m always ready to make time to hang out and others (with or without kids) always seem to have some other plans.

Houston based

Hard to find…even with all the sacrifices..prarabhad. take it easy

Omg feeling the same way

Here from Dallas and very similar experiences. Being in consulting makes it tougher as most non-consultant families have very different expectations/experiences.
We haven’t given up on trying and have now 1-2 families who are slightly closer but still not there yet. The key thing is that BOTH parents and kids have to get along.

The part about kids AND parents likability comparability made me chuckle. Just last weekend my son's best friend at school (he is 4) invited us to their place! Desi household but honestly the only things they wanted to discuss was green card, investments and property prices (where to invest for max ROI) and lack of academic rigidity in US. We discussed it for some time but then realized our parenting philosophy and preferences are very different (theirs not bad but just very different), and while our kids loved playing together for rest of 2 hours, parents were struggling to find topics to talk. We also are not fan of drinking alcohol which seems to be major blow in the desi circle but overall I found it quite hilarious how the kids enjoyed the evening while parents were trying so hard to talk shop and not nod to sleep...

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We are in Bay Area too .. San jose…not married although live with partner… we like hiking too and not found much luck yet here

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