Related Posts
Has anyone taken STD/parental leave at both Js?
Conversation Starter
Rising Star
More Posts
Mentor
Conversation Starter
Hoping to get in touch with #Peraton recruiter! I have about 9 months left in Air Force where I work in cyber defense and vulnerability management, have a BA in cybersecurity, sitting for CISSP and have lots of certs. Would love to chat with someone about opportunities. Hold a clearance and could technically start in 7 months. Any help is appreciated!! Thank you.
Pro
Community Builder
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
You’re going to be a great Mom. I disclosed at 12 weeks, but was miserable from week 6 to 12 and my billing showed. Thankfully, it went unnoticed until I disclosed, but if they had said something, I would have immediately disclosed.
I err on the side of disclosing sooner than later, because then you’re protected.
Stress is not good for the baby — focus on you and your future bundle.
Disclose to a couple of trusted partners if you can.
I know that’s a big if. But I lived your nightmare - disclosing early and then miscarrying, but for the few short weeks I was pregnant I was completely buried with work and absolutely miserable. I asked for relief because a) I wasn’t just stressed and overloaded and busy, I was physically at my limit while growing a small human, and 2) law firms more than anyone understand the legal implications of accommodating pregnant workers. Said partner moved some stuff off my plate and it was fine for those cases and a big relief for me. When the awful news came, those partners had the context and were extremely supportive. I took a week off to grieve and deal with the D&C, but for me it felt better knowing that at least a couple of the people who evaluate my performance knew the circumstances. Once I came back, it was up to me if I wanted to talk about it, which I didn’t. So it stayed with just the people I wanted to be aware.
People are more understanding than you think. It’s a devastating thing and most people have some prior experience with it from friends/family/etc. I hope it doesn’t happen to you.
But in the meantime, your priority really should be your health. Do what you need to do to protect it. Suffering in silence felt like the worst of both worlds to me, but it’s a very personal decision so do what feels right for you.
Do you generally have high anxiety? Your post reminds me of a good friend of mine a few years ago when she was pregnant. She had the same thought process as you and she told her firm around 6 weeks because she “couldn’t take it” anymore either. She’s a mom now and still thinks she’s an awful mom but finally starting mom therapy, so I’d suggest you look into that now to help you manage. I hope you have a strong relationship and support network to help you as well. Good luck!
I told a female partner at 5 weeks! Currently 7 weeks. I don’t regret it at all bc she’s been very gracious to me.
Tell HR asap so you’re protected. They can’t disclose anything. Then tell your partners when you’re ready.
I’m so sorry you feel this way! I found out I was pregnant days before my first federal jury trial, and I was so stressed out already, and then stressed about being stressed, which doesn’t help. I decided to tell the shareholder I was working with on the trial because I needed someone to help. Keep my stress levels in check and i knew she had gone through fertility struggles and a high risk pregnancy like me, so I thought she would be respectful of all of that. Even though I didn’t want to tell anyone that early, I’m glad I did because she was really helpful both during the trial and early on. I know disclosing early can be scary, especially because you worry about the miscarriage but I’d rather have that level of support no matter what happens.
I haven’t been through this yet, but have a few friends who have. They ended up disclosing quite early to ease their work load because they came to the conclusion that if the worst did happen and they miscarried they would still need relief and grace at work for some period of time so the conversation would have to happen anyway, as awful as it would be. Hopefully you have female partners you can confide in, but I also know a number of men whose partners have had high risk pregnancies and would also understand where you are coming from.
Similar to another comment here but so so suggest motherhood oriented therapy ahead of having a baby (and after!) - it’s been life changing for a friend of mine who had similar thoughts around being an awful mom.