I let the shame spiral get the better of me this week. Realized that I wasn’t going to be able to meet a deadline because I’d mismanaged my time and the project was more complex than I though. Rather than admit the mistake and suggest a new deadline, I just kept saying I’d send it tomorrow/later/so on. And then I stayed up basically three days straight working, which has only made me slower and more inefficient. So I’m still not done and now I’m in the pits of anxiety and exhaustion hell. FML.

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Posting as :
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It happens to the best of us early on — the important thing is to build habits that stop you from falling in to a similar spiral in the future. Outline the steps you need to take to improve on this front, reach out to your manager, and get their feedback. This will help to mend your relationship with your manager, and will also help to lessen the anxiety/shame by doing something concrete and productive about it.

A few habits I’d recommend:
Scope new asks, and prioritize them against everything else on your plate, then confirm the timeline/priority with your manager before starting the work
“Sketch out” the final deliverable first and review that with your manager before starting the work to fill it in — helps to ensure you’re on the same page before you get too deep into the work
The moment you realize that this timeline has changed, flag it to your manager immediately and include your rationale

Remember that changes in the scope and timeline of a deliverable are normal and to be expected — often we uncover new complexities only after we start the work. This isn’t inherently a reflection on you, and your ability to accurately scope your work will improve over time. Also, keep in mind that this really does happen to everyone, and you won’t be permanently dinged for it. I went through a similar fuckup my first year (resulted in me being pulled from the project, and I actually thought I was about to be fired) — I worked on myself and was promoted 6 months later. You got this!!

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One more thing — get really comfortable with turning in imperfect work, early. Every time you turn something in, it’s a step in an iterative process, not a final delivery. I’d also really recommend getting all the pieces there first, imperfectly, and then working to improve all of it in each turn, rather than turn in incremental “completed” pieces.

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Own it. Ask for help

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Congratulate yourself for having the courage to ask for help!

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I’m right there with you

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I’m in the same boat. I’m at the point where I’m sending what I have even though it’s not perfect in my eyes.

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Yeah, I have like 2/3 of a draft done imperfectly, which I sent along, but still gotta keep working on the rest.

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