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Not sure what your relationship was like before the infant but if this is your first... it’s a big change and the first year or so is hard. Your wife just went through a crazy transformation and does not have control of her body if the kiddo is nursing. And you two likely are severely slee deprived
This is hard. Deep breath. You got it
Crazy as in dangerous or crazy as in a pain the ass? Those are different things with different solutions. Pain in the ass can be fixed, and post partum depression can be a nasty thing. If that's the case you owe it to her and your kid to help through that.
Random thought that is a part of a bigger fix. Couple things that help my wife and I. A legit date night. A just because gift or act of kindness. Be thoughtful and try to choose something that triggers a happy memory. Eg give her a special Mickey Mouse because you love to think about that time at Disneyland when you see dating. Or clean her car because she doesn’t have time to and she is upset it’s dirty. Dont self serve here. It’s all about her need. And don’t boast the act. Let her find out you have been doing it for weeks on her own. Sex the passionate connecting kind (eye contact, kissing, etc). And NEVER bring up past issues. My wife and I have rules for fighting they are a decade old. We break the rules; but apologize immediately. Interestingly enough breaking a rule now pauses the fight and reset the moment.
Agreed, PwC1. It's really hard to live with someone who exhibits traits of BPD (don't think she has been actually diagnosed by a psychologist). For the longest time, I beat myself up for the issues in our marriage that led to the divorce because I was made to feel that way. Took a long time to recognize that she had a lot to do with it too. I'm far from a saint but certainly not as bad as she made me out to be and does to this day constantly putting me down as a dad. At least my kids dont see me that way which is great. Unfortunately at times, the kids have to deal with her irrational and crazy behavior too and there's not much I can do so I accept a lot of crap as long as the kids are safe.
Get counseling and therapy. Perspective is everything.
Hang in there man! Take a second to relax and think rationally.
Crazy as in a pain in the ass. Lol. Blames everything on me, fabricates crap, and twists words. Nothing Is logical.
If she wasn't always this way post partum is a likely culprit. Look into getting help for that before doing anything drastic like divorce.
As a fellow dad I can say this to you, your body hasn’t been through what hers has been through. We pretty much got her pregnant and then just relax for the last nine months while her body went through changes physically, mentally, down to the hormones. I’d have a candid conversation with her and talk to her and let her know how she’s making you feel but also be there to support her if you just gave birth to another living human being your hormones would be all out of whack
The first year is definitely the hardest. Until they start running around lol
Was she always like this?
To a much lesser degree... yes...
So...I got divorced from a crazy woman as you describe. Histrionic personality disorder/bipolar is what she had. Was the best decision I ever made. Staying together isn’t always the right answer but we definitely beat the dead horse. Lots of therapy, individual and couples, before I reached the conclusion that it wasn’t what I wanted.
Couple thoughts. Postpartum depression is real. Go to counseling with or without her. My wife and I both have had to adjust our behaviors to support the other in difficulties. These things can pass.
Thanks, I hope so too... trying to stay optimistic but it is so challenging...
Agree with many folks here- post partum is tough. We had premie twins, one with cerebral palsy and much of the first year she was irrational and tough to be with, she was blaming herself for the palsy while dealing with post partum. it gets better - took a year of patience, and her friend network helped so she was able to do girls night out and things that she enjoyed.
OP, I can empathize. Was married for 11 and divorced for 8 now and the irrational behavior continues to this day.
The key question is whether she was always like this or just since the birth of your child. In my case, the irrational behavior preceded us having kids. I didn't realize it at the time but a counselor that I saw a few years after divorce said that ex probably had borderline personality disorder based on the behavior that I described.
You owe it to both of you and your child to try everything to make this work. I think I did. But in the end, she chose to get out and I can say it was for the best. We just fought all the time, were not a good fit and I couldn't deal with her irrationality which continues to this day as we have to joint parent.
Take care.