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Honestly, he has to grow up. I would have been pissed about the lack of help, initiative and endless bitching and complaining feom a grown ass man who agreed to the move. It is unfair to blame you for the decision he was a party to as well. He could have stood his ground. Very immature and gives off a teenage boy vibe. Also, is this a systemic issue(as in how common is this behavior on his end) or a complete one off?
Would have appreciated if you had been neutral and objective in your response like Associate Attorney has done instead of squarely blaming one person for everything. You're inflating the problem for OP instead of extinguishing it by making her feel more agitated and increasing her hatred towards her spouse.
Yeah, sad life indeed when someone has such a spouse. By the way, OP didn't complain about him not having a pair. Not sure why you are bothered. OP and you would still have jumped to blame him if he had been assertive and not agreed for shifting, saying it is patriarchical to put his interest above that of his wife. Either ways he is a goner. Lol.
Pro
Yikes.
It sounds to me like you have some major issues, none of which are the new home.
You answered it yourself.
Leave that place by managing somehow.
Go to a place where you don't have to worry about these.
Have a safe and beautiful life and time together
My wife had to deal with me growing up too.
Your husband, as you describe him, is a man-baby and that is very common. I can guess he also doesn’t do many chores in the kitchen or prepare food.
Men are taught to be the breadwinners and leave the domestic chores to women. Women in our society end up doing all the mental labor while men relax.
If he shows that he understands this and want to do better, it might take him a while but likely he will get better. Many of us will grow up as we realize what it actually means.
Cont: thought it was worth it and that he would grow to love it because the house was an amazing opportunity and a major upgrade from our apartment. During the move he complained the whole damn time and didn’t do a single thing without being told repeatedly to pack and help out. He was acting like an immature child, moaning and bitching. Couldn’t stop talking about all the great things he would miss from our apartment and how shitty the new place was (it’s incredibly nice). I was so enraged at him for this that I yelled and said some nasty things but that’s genuinely how I felt. I meant what I said, but maybe I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. I feel like I can’t even kiss him or hug him at this point because of how upsetting the past few days have been.
I only have one married friend who I feel close enough to talk to about this. My single friends wouldn’t get it. We started couples counseling monthly, only been once. Not sure if it’s often enough but too expensive.
Did we make a mistake by moving? Will he ever adjust to the new place and forgive this and move on? Am I being ridiculous for expecting him to be more helpful and proactive during a move he isn’t excited for? I think if he felt so damn strongly he should have said no way, we won’t move. But he agreed to it…despite his attitude. He claims I pressured him into it because we had to decide in a short time period (not in my control) and I was convinced that the move would be for the best.
Sorry this was so damn long
TLDR— husband didn’t want to move and regrets it. Am I in the wrong? How can I improve this situation and fix our communication before things get even worse?
Is the new house the only issue? I would continue couple’s counseling (perhaps you can find a therapist though your insurance so it’s covered?) - I am so sorry you’re going through this ♥️
Rising Star
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Is the home itself the issue or the financial strain?
The bottom line is that his behavior is childish and passive aggressive. If he did not want to move he should have had an adult conversation with you about why so you could come up with a mutually agreeable solution. Instead it sounds like he agreed against his real wishes just so he could hold it over your head.
I think the best advice I’ve gotten on marriage is that instead of thinking about things as “me vs. spouse,” I think about them as “me and spouse vs. the issue.” There is clearly an issue, whether it be the home itself or the finances, that the two of you need to work together to solve. Of course he needs to be willing to do that as well.
But thanks for the advice