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OP: I know your wife must feel terrible but she is a parent not a friend. An authoritative figure. If a slap is warranted, then by all means. Better to do that then raise a bunch of entitled twats.
I hope it is. We’re parents, we shouldn’t be afraid of educating our kids
I vote keep taking stuff away. If she makes a big fuss, take something else. More fuss, take more. If you run out of things to take away, throw her clothes out. Make her wear a uniform to school. Set her straight now or else the next 4 years will be hell. Don't be soft!
Well I got through it. We sat down at dinner and went through some expectations for this year and laid everything out with a lot of respect for everyone’s feelings. We agreed not to take the phone away on the spot but it could be used as a punishment with some advance notice. We also agreed that she needs to take responsibility for her commitments as a high schooler. We will not baby her and she needs to respect our schedules for getting her places. If she doesn’t agree we will just cancel some activities, etc. I think it went well. Let’s see how it goes. Thanks for the advice!
Interesting, parenting tactic, “we agreed to not take it way, but could be used as a punishment with some advance notice. I (we) don’t really negotiate with our children, we generally require them to do as we tell them, we don’t view them as having ownership or say so over any property as long as they live under our roof. But hey different folk different strokes, if it works for you...more than likely cultural differences but hey...
You’re not alone OP. This same basic thing plays out constantly across the country. Remind your wife of that. Acknowledge that what she did probably wasn’t right but also that her feelings and response were completely understandable. It’s tough but it may be best for you and your wife to come to agreement on how to proceed and have a family meeting where you hash these things out. I’m certainly not against punishing a child but your daughter is a teenager. You need to keep open a line of communication so that you know what’s going on in their lives at this awkward stage. It is always hard dealing with these things but you are not alone in your struggle and things will work out if you center your relationship around the fact that you love each other even if you are mad.
Hang in there. Empathize. Try not to say something to upset her more
She just started high school a couple weeks ago. We are in for a ride aren’t we
So you don’t really do any punishments? We have been taking away electronics, but she puts up such a fuss you’d think we are taking away her left arm
Best of luck OP. Don’t put much stock in those who tell you exactly how you should parent. In my experience they have the most effed up family dynamics. You and your wife are the only ones who can decide on the best approach. The one thing that I would repeat is to ensure that your children know that you love them regardless of whatever intervention or punishment you decide upon.
All I can say, and this is in my view only. Be firm, make it it clear you’re in charge. I think my kids like clear rules and guidelines to live by. I have noticed “discipline” issues when talking to friends when the lines of authority are vague, kids get a lot of leeway, and a feeling that they are adults and punishment aren’t reinforced...again this is my perspective only...best of luck to you I feel your pain though my wife gives me grief for not being at home during the week too...
Oh and it was over her turning off their phones...
Feel for you dude. I was on the other side of the world on a project and got a call from the wife, distraught.
Nothing like this has ever happened before and I can’t even imagine what got my wife into this state. She is a very gentle person. Wife was saying that she is a bad mother and just can’t do this alone anymore and things like that. Any advice on how to address this? It’s sounds like the argument was related to getting ready to go to an activity and my daughter was just taking too long so they would be late?? My wife tried to take away my daughters phone and she refused
Pray that your teenage daughter is smart to not call 911 and get state involved since they look for an opportunity to get child protection services.. Hopefully this gets resolved soon for you and your family’s sanity
Yeah I was wondering that too. No idea what the rules are on this type of thing these days. Is a slap allowed?
Yep. Best to manage the daughter's expectations now though. She knows where the line is now, or at least she should.
Big red lines for us are disrespect and lying. Those two things result in far worse punishment than pretty much any other issue.
Anything other than a sit-down conversation to correct minor things is very, very rare anymore.
I’m really discouraged to see the equation of slapping to “education.” It’s in the past so no value in making your wife feel worse at this point, but IMO, slapping a kid is never OK. Empathize and such but when you get home, work that shit out
Good luck OP. Paying it forward. Maybe your daughter will only truly get it when she has a daughter of her own. Circle of life
OP - I hate to lay out any blanket statements on punishments. Of course there have to be repercussions for inappropriate behavior. But each person and interpersonal dynamics are drastically different. What works for one family will not work for another. Even what works for one child will not work for another. In your situation it might be best to either find another punishment that motivates the desired behavior or going all in and shutting off her accounts. Maybe let her know that if she continues the current behavior she can keep the phone but it will be a brick. You have to be willing to follow through to the end though. This is all easy for me to say from the outside. You know your daughter best and will have to figure something out specifically for her. You also MUST ensure that your wife is 100% on board. Best of luck OP. Those are trying years, just try to keep you head above water.