My wife (married 6 years) talks to her sister on FaceTime for an average of 2 hours a day. Some days less, some days it is on and off literally the entire day. I can’t remember the last day they didn’t talk on the phone.

It is starting to drive me crazy. I have never said anything to her about how annoying I find this. We both work from home. I can hear her carrying on conversation all day long. Am I being totally unreasonable? How can I communicate this without sounding like a jerk.

I’ll keep it simple, try and find a way to not be bothered by it. What other people do with their time and energy should not affect you at all. You’re allowing it to for some reason and you need to find a way to move past it. Their bond seems strong and that’s a good thing.

I just came from a 5hr call with my sister and read this.. Also waiting for my other sister to wake up in her time zone to speak with her for a couple more hours. I multitask while on the calls and use a headphone. Fortunately my partner works upstairs and hardly hears me. Initially he would be upset that I would be engaged in a call when he came downstairs to have coffee with me, but now we have scheduled coffee times where I take a break and focus on him. I made it clear to him that I would never compromise my relationship with my sisters. Especially after previously being in an abusive relationship that started with me being isolated from my friends and family. I guess we are on the same page now and he is sucking it up.

I’m a woman and I’m with OP on this. My husband is always on the phone with his mom. Why would you need to call someone that often and stay on the phone that long? How do they still find stuff to talk about.

Reading through the comments … I think it is an important point that they are not just on the phone but on FaceTime. This is a big distinction. Talking or texting her sister throughout the day is one thing and I can see how that could even become annoying . But FaceTiming … that makes it feel like her sister lives with you. I would have an honest conversation about it. Let her know you love that they are close but the constant FaceTiming feels a bit intrusive. Like send a text every now and then instead 🤣

I had a similar experience in a relationship I was in. And I think I have your answer.

STORY:
She spoke with friends and family on the phone every day I was over. I was super ok with it at first, because she is keeping in touch with people in her life. Something I struggled with myself. Overtime, it did start to become irritating, but I asked myself "Why am I even mad about this?", and that seemed to calm me down. But it didn't help in situations where I needed her attention for something (ex, getting ready to leave her place to go somewhere).

There was a time though, she had asked me to go with her and help her friend practice driving (she thought I was a good driver). During the practice, her phone rang. She started talking with another friend on the phone. Driving friend and I looked at each other. We had a hard time communicating to one another about the driving practice. All the while, my gf in the back was getting louder and louder. We had a purpose to help her friend practice driving, and her phone call was getting in the way of that.

EIPOLOGUE:
Obviously, that's a very extreme example. But it's similar to your situation. Not as severe, but persistent (every day). You are both stuck in close proximity (your house, the car in the story), but you have a purpose where the phone calls might be getting in the way (your work, my driving lesson).

ANSWER:
I was able to communicate with her that I was happy for her that she was keeping in touch with her kin. And that I truly want that to continue. But I also articulated that there are times where it is less appropriate than others, and that she should have more 'DISCRETION' about when it is an appropriate time to have a call.

NOTICE: It's still her choice. She still decides when to have a call, but now there's 'discretion'. Before, there was NO discretion. That meant that when a call came in, she took it, no matter how she read the room around her. Now that she is aware of the concept of her discretion, she will take the room into account when accepting a call. "Hi Mom, can I call you back in an hour?"

I hope this was helpful.

NOTE:
I want to note that you made a mistake when you posted this. You should have not disclosed that this was your wife (nor a female). A lot of the posts I'm seeing here are giving their advice based on emotion. Ideals that the woman's needs/wants/convenience supersede the man's needs (and strictly his needs). If the roles were reversed, I know there would be a much different tune on most of this thread. I believe this is a great opportunity for the community here to humble themselves with a critical eye on the vision they have in their mind about the dynamic between partners of the opposite sex.

I thought about this post last night while laying in bed - my sister also laying in her bed with her husband - and us FaceTiming 😅

This would drive me nuts for all of the many reasons listed fwiw

Bro - I have 5 siblings across global time zones. Suck it up. Although, I usually do my calls similar to offshore calls - later in the night except for those in North America.

It's not cool to try to get others to change their behavior to match your preferences.

It's fine to try to make a case to strive for a common goal, but beyond that, let people live their lives. It's up to you to put in the work to be happy in your environment, not get others to make superficial changes to suit you.

By any chance, is she Indian or South Asian? My husband is, and he has cousins who are on the phone all the time with each other. I've heard and seen this in varying degrees among other Indian families.

Personally, it would bother the heck out of me! If something was going on - health or family issues - I could perhaps handle a few weeks of this. But every single day for 6 years - I'm out.

Incidentally do you guys have kids? What example would this be setting, that it's ok to be on the phone for hours every day?

Invest in some noise-cancelling headphones.

Let a woman live

It is unhealthy dynamics for sure.

Build her a "she-shed", separate from the house. Saved my marriage. We are both happier!

So she's not cheating on you

She's not stealing or running up debt

She's not abusing you

She works

She has strong familial relationships

And your not happy because she's talking on the phone for 2 hours with her sister.

There are bigger struggles in life

Is she there when you need her?

Don't judge base on what you would do.

We are social beings! We all have different needs.

Love her, be grateful and buy a bigger house to spread out or headphones.

So much to unpack here.....

First and foremost, your opinion and feelings on how much they talk is moot, but also an area you need to explore more in depth. At the end of the day, that is her sister and they are apparently very close. She was there long before you, and god forbid, will be there after you. They share a bond and enjoy each other's company. If you're annoyed by this bond, maybe you should do some inner work on why. Is it that you feel distant from your wife? Is it that you feel left out? Is it that you wish you had that level of communication and intimacy? On the flip side, maybe she talks to her sister a lot because you refuse to engage with her and she feels isolated. Regardless, getting to the bottom of why you feel annoyed by the level of contact in general is important.

Second, maybe she could find something else to do, but she doesn't HAVE to. Based on your post, she is working, thus being productive in some manner. How she spends the rest of her time is up to her. Not everyone has to grind or be productive 24/7. People are allowed to be the bare minimum of productive, then enjoy the rest of their life. But once again, maybe you should explore why you feel she should be doing other things. Are you jealous her job isn't as demanding? Are you longing to be closer to your family? Do you have anxiety around not being productive? Why do you feel these phone calls are of lesser value than other things?

Nevertheless, I empathize. My boyfriend and I both live together and work from home. Both of us can get loud with our work or break times, and I know it is distracting to one another. When this happens, we just ask the other to put on headphones or put in our noise cancelling headphones. Which action is taken occurs depends on a variety of factors, but it is a give and take where it is both parties working together.

Overall, I think this comes down to communication. Be honest with her that the level of noise is distracting at times, especially when you need to concentrate. I would def leave out your feelings on the frequency and length of the convos, and focus on the real issue which is - Noise and distraction in a shared space.

Lastly, really consider what your negative feelings could mean, and where your annoyance comes from. The fact that you pointed out that specific conversation and person, when I'm sure your wife makes other noise, might be deeper than you think.

Good luck.

My grandma does this and has for the past 60 years she’s been married to my grandpa. About 15 years ago, my grandpa smashed their wireless house phone bc she would sit on the phone in the living room talking to her cousins. Now she has to sit in the kitchen where the wired phone is. I think it’s hilarious 😂

U turn on your tinder every time she is calling her sis

Marriage scope creep. I’ve seen this in multiple engagements with clients but not so often on the personal realm. I’d suggest an increase of fees and new SOW or at least an amendment to the original. Keep us posted!

At least she isn’t those Australian twins who can’t even eat, wear or basically think differently. One wanted to get her tooth removed for fun because the other needed to for actual dental issues.

No, I would normally not contribute to this but seeing as you’ve been together 6 years. You never used to be at the same place all day long so when that change is considerable, but I’m guessing it gives you a recoil as it probably sounds really stupid and makes you kinda look down on her/get annoyed… genuinely not sure how I’d touch that one… strategically rearrange so you are on opposite sides of the house??… cuz you can’t merely just casually say “umm babe!…” or she’ll probably get mad… if you wanna FaceTime for 2 hours tomorrow afternoon I think I feel a little bit of a gay spell coming thru me!… “must be Ian” 🤣

I get it. You’re essentially sharing your home with her sister without your consent. Your wife is being rude to you.
Privacy, boundaries, quiet, your alone time with your partner, wfh needs. The home is meant to be your sanctuary not a public noisy space you can’t control sound or privacy.

Headphones alone won’t do it you’d still have the visual intrusion (face time portal into your private space) and half the conversation which is sometimes more annoying than hearing both sides.

I think you need to talk to her and ask that when you are both home, can you both agree to limit FaceTime calls to one designated “call” room with door shut. And Not you main living spaces.