My wife (married 6 years) talks to her sister on FaceTime for an average of 2 hours a day. Some days less, some days it is on and off literally the entire day. I can’t remember the last day they didn’t talk on the phone.

It is starting to drive me crazy. I have never said anything to her about how annoying I find this. We both work from home. I can hear her carrying on conversation all day long. Am I being totally unreasonable? How can I communicate this without sounding like a jerk.

likefunnyhelpfuluplifting
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I’ll keep it simple, try and find a way to not be bothered by it. What other people do with their time and energy should not affect you at all. You’re allowing it to for some reason and you need to find a way to move past it. Their bond seems strong and that’s a good thing.

likeupliftinghelpfulsmartfunny

Consider buying a new place that has an office for her or ask her to talk in the bedroom while your working. Has to be a work around.

likefunny

I just came from a 5hr call with my sister and read this.. Also waiting for my other sister to wake up in her time zone to speak with her for a couple more hours. I multitask while on the calls and use a headphone. Fortunately my partner works upstairs and hardly hears me. Initially he would be upset that I would be engaged in a call when he came downstairs to have coffee with me, but now we have scheduled coffee times where I take a break and focus on him. I made it clear to him that I would never compromise my relationship with my sisters. Especially after previously being in an abusive relationship that started with me being isolated from my friends and family. I guess we are on the same page now and he is sucking it up.

likesmarthelpful

Would you be on the phone 5 hours if you were in the office?

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Just remember, you wife has emotional support needs. If she doesn't get it from her sister you better be ready to man up and listen.

Be happy it is her sister and not a male best friend or a work husband.

likesmart

It’s odd when someone says “man up” about something that a woman is currently doing. So isn’t it really “womanning up?”

like

Sounds like a nightmare tbh

likefunny

I downloaded the app just so I could comment because some of the other responders were pissing me off so hard lol. You are NOT being petty. I think it’s totally fair for you to feel that way and it would annoy tf out of me too. 2 hours once a week? Nbd. 2 hours every fucking day??

How can others in this thread not put themselves in your shoes and see how ridiculous that is? Feels like white knighting to me lol.

Now, that said, I would recommend bringing it up to her. Figure out exactly how you feel and why you feel that way. Figure out *why* it annoys you because “it just does” probably won’t be a good enough answer. Then find a time to have an honest and possibly difficult conversation with her about it. Own how you feel. And communicate it to her clearly. If she reacts poorly - remain calm. Show her you’re on her team and you want to work it out. Maybe you need to decide on some boundaries - like no calls during work hours, for example.

Anyways, no you aren’t being crazy for being annoyed by that. Honestly it’s hilarious to me that people on this app think you should just be cool with it. I know I wouldn’t be. Bunch a nerds… lmao

likesmart

People pretend marriage is something you can have, but still, be a separate individual with your own separate life. Our culture wants to turn marriage into a meaningless contract. If you have a complaint similar to this that threatens the other person's separate life, you are attacked and people gaslight you.

When you are married, you should think of yourself and your spouse as one entity. It should be a rare occurrence that someone outside of that couple's immediate family (kids) should ever be more important than the couple itself. There are times when you need to prioritize other family members, but your strongest relationship should be the one with your spouse. This does not mean outside relationships are not important, they are, but they should be secondary to the one with your spouse.

I could be wrong, but I suspect this is part of the issue. Does his spouse spend two hours a day connecting with him? Which relationship does she prioritize?

likesmart

So? My wife talks to her mother everyday for a similar amount of time. I’m glad they do. It’s important for her to keep the bonds with family strong. It’s not like she’s ignoring me because of it.

like

Astonished so many people do not support the OP in this. It's flat out bizarre behavior.

like

Agreed

I think you need to simply communicate how you feel in a respectful way. All relationships need good communication, especially in times like these. Try the “I feel ____, when you ___, I need ______.”

Don’t deny your feelings, or hers. Do use this opportunity to communicate and improve the communication in your relationship.

likehelpful

If she’s talking for an avg of 2 hrs, why do you need to wear headphones the whole day? Doesn’t make sense. Is she too loud on the phone or is it the frequency?

You can try telling her you are glad she has such a great relationship with her sister, but that you want to spend some quality time with her (take her out, turn on Netflix, play games, anything to keep her off the phone) and let her know it’s also important that both of you have some quiet time, even if it’s an hour, to just reset from life.

like

I wear headphones all day. When I say it’s 2 hours a day, that was a rough estimate. Basically, any time she is not on a work call, she is on FaceTime with her sister. It’s not like they chat everyday from 2-4. So it works out to me wearing headphones basically all day. Thank you for your suggestion though. I think it’s great they get along well and I don’t want to come between that. But I also want to not feel like her sister lives with us.

like

Context matter here. Are you annoyed because she is talking loud and it disturbs you or does she not do other things around the house? If so that is worth a conversation. But if she is doing her work, doing her share of house chores, and your just upset how she spends her free time then yes I’d agree you would be a jerk to say anything or try and change how she spends her free time assuming it is not taking away from anything else.

like

She’s on the phone while she’s at work (she works from home). He’s policing her phone time on behalf of her employer 🤣.

funny

If you talk to her about it gotta make sure to emphasize that this isn't about her talking to her sister but about her talking loudly while you're working.

Imo, you shouldn't bother her about it at all though - instead it would make more sense to proactively come up with a way where she can continue freely talking to her sister without distracting you. Telling an SO you would prefer they stop talking with family is never the right move.

like

Nobody here has heard of wireless headphones. The wife could wear them on FaceTime calls. Problem solved.

likefunny

Are you unable to change your frame of mind and just try and be happy instead of annoyed that she has such a good and close relationship with her sister?

like

Ok, now that's obsessive if you can't put the phone down long enough to take a shower.

like

Go to the office.

likefunny

Well said!!

I am a woman and find the whole thing odd. I personally think its weird when people seem to need to fill their entire day talking to others. Its a level of dependency that feels broken to me. But I'm a combo introvert/extrovert (I can't recall the term) and have to spend some time alone each day to restore my energy. It sounds like you married someone who needs this constant dialogue so I think your best bet is to ask her perhaps to get off face time and stick on ear buds (so the conversation isn't blaring in the house) or figure out some way to be in spaces that don't force you to hear anything (he / she shed? I get space may not allow). Good luck!

like

Ambivert, and ditto.

I speak to my mum for an hour everyday, and my brother for 2-3 hours either on the PlayStation or just general chatting.

I’m also up and working from 5am, spend plenty of time with my wife, friends and family… we just live far apart so have always done so.

My wife actually likes it because talking to them makes me happy and gives her time to read. If I’m loud during the day (because I work odd hours due to international role) she closes her office door and puts headphones in (I’m a loud talker and laugher - thank God for work from home!)

Edit to add I’m a guy if anyones wondering.

like

Wearing headphones doesn’t reduce the volume of one’s voice, only the sound of someone on the other side of the phone 🤦

likesmart

I'm definitely with OP on this. Everyday is too much for that long. Confront her about it and ask her to lower the time/frequency. This can be super annoying in the future

like

Is this a great relationship? Define great relationship.

OP: please come back and give us an update! Clearly given the spirited comments, we are all very interested in this topic! 😂

likeuplifting

Left brain right brain dynamics/psychosomatics going on here - females are naturally social as well as more connected with same gender siblings than the reverse. Be pleased she feeding here needs in this manner otherwise she could become hyper critical of home dynamics due to her inability to connect in this manner.

Moral of the story - pick and choose your battles wisely and what the payoff would be.

like

“Females” aren’t any more naturally social than men…. There are introverts and extroverts of both genders.

like

Definitely recommend reading the “5 love languages” by Gary Chapman. Your wife love language is most likely quality time/quality conversation. Look into it!

likeupliftingsmart

Just go into the damn office if it bothers you that much. A few days of listening to random people talk all day in an open office plan, and you’ll be excited to stay home and listen to your wife.

But seriously, this is a you problem. Having ti wear headphones isn’t a big deal.

like

Ahhh The challenges of WFH.
- Can you go back into the office? Can she?
- Can you do improvements on the acoustic?

When my spouse and I both worked from home it was constantly loud - so he went back into the office as soon as he could. We’ve also discussed redoing the insulation in our walls to make the rooms quieter. I’d recommend you approach the discussion as solving the base of the issue, you’re constantly hearing her while you’re working and you want to be in a quiet space.

Note as this only recently came up I’m assuming this wasn’t an issue in the first 4 years of marriage. If this is a growing issue since you’ve lived together then you really need to look inside yourself and determine if this is a scapegoat for other issues in your marriage.

like

I don’t have any horse in this race but I’m curious: What do they talk about?

likefunny

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