My wife (married 6 years) talks to her sister on FaceTime for an average of 2 hours a day. Some days less, some days it is on and off literally the entire day. I can’t remember the last day they didn’t talk on the phone.

It is starting to drive me crazy. I have never said anything to her about how annoying I find this. We both work from home. I can hear her carrying on conversation all day long. Am I being totally unreasonable? How can I communicate this without sounding like a jerk.

likefunnyhelpfuluplifting
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I’ll keep it simple, try and find a way to not be bothered by it. What other people do with their time and energy should not affect you at all. You’re allowing it to for some reason and you need to find a way to move past it. Their bond seems strong and that’s a good thing.

likeupliftinghelpfulsmartfunny

Consider buying a new place that has an office for her or ask her to talk in the bedroom while your working. Has to be a work around.

likefunny

I just came from a 5hr call with my sister and read this.. Also waiting for my other sister to wake up in her time zone to speak with her for a couple more hours. I multitask while on the calls and use a headphone. Fortunately my partner works upstairs and hardly hears me. Initially he would be upset that I would be engaged in a call when he came downstairs to have coffee with me, but now we have scheduled coffee times where I take a break and focus on him. I made it clear to him that I would never compromise my relationship with my sisters. Especially after previously being in an abusive relationship that started with me being isolated from my friends and family. I guess we are on the same page now and he is sucking it up.

likesmarthelpful

Would you be on the phone 5 hours if you were in the office?

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So i don’t think you are unreasonable for being annoyed by her on FaceTime for many hours a day with her sister. I have adhd and easily get overstimulated when there is lots of noise. When you are hearing both sides of the conversation while trying to focus on your work I can understand that being too much. But you also have to look at if there are any other things making you so annoyed that isn’t just your wife being on FaceTime a lot. It sounds you job is more demanding than hers so could that be an area of resentment that is spilling into other areas of your life? Is she talking to her sister so much because after work you are too tired/mentally exhausted that you don’t want to talk very much so she doesn’t feel her needs for talking/ sharing are being met? Or are your needs of spending time together not being met because of all her FaceTiming?

I think the best thing to do is to let her know that all the FaceTiming is distracting to you during work hours and that you need to set some boundaries during work hours so that you can both be successful and productive. From there maybe set some times during the week that you spend together whether it’s going on a walk, watching a show/movie, going on a date, or something else you both enjoy. It sounds like clearly your wife has a lot of extra time on her hands and probably doesn’t like sitting in silence and doing nothing so if you have some things to fill your time together and focus on each other she will have less time to focus on her sister. If you are both meeting each others needs socially, mentally, emotionally and physically you won’t need as much from other people outside of your marriage but you both have to put in that work and that only starts by having a conversation with your wife.

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Fellow ADHDer here! Yesss to the overstimulation of sound

Not unreasonable if it disrupts your work or downtime. Bring it up in a way that affects YOU, speak using your perspective "I feel..." Don't be accusatory unless you want her to shut down or feel attacked. While it sounds like you've been "patient" by not saying anything, she also has no idea its'a. problem, your passivity is NOT her problem. WFM is a great luxury but also requires a new set of work vs home boundaries.

likehelpful

I’m a big talker. I’m an external processor, so it literally helps me make sense of my world. My best friend is the same way. We could literally have 5 hour convos no problem.

I’m also very particular about noise in my home. It’s very controlling to tell her what to do with her time, as long as her responsibilities are met. BUT, it would feel intrusive to me to have her in FT so much that you feel it intrudes into your privacy.

Tbh, though, it sounds as if you really don’t like this about her, and it would annoy you to know she did this even if you didn’t work from home. You might want to talk this out with your therapist.

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Get her sister to find a job. Then she can’t spend all day on the phone with your wife.

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Please go to therapy with your wife if it has gotten to this. This is not forum for family matters. 😒

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This is very common a month Indian housewives…taking to either mother or their sisters for hours…
This is very annoying for everyone in the house.

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Have kids. She won’t have any time to talk lol

likefunny

Find a way to make more money so you can afford a bigger place and noise-canceling headphones

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Go do something bro, play video games! Learn a new skill or something! let the woman gossip! That’s what they do lmao

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Ask her to stop !

likefunny

Put noise absorption pads on the wall in both her and your rooms? Do both rooms just so she doesn't feel like being targeted as the source of noise?

funny

Have you ever worked in a cube farm? Or open office concept? When people are talking (either work or off or banter) it’s loud. Find a solution that doesn’t affect her. Noise canceling headphones, white noise, play joe cocker on 11. Be a big boy I’m sure you can figure it out.

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I think a lot of people who had big happy families growing up think this is totally normal and a lot of us who came from bad homes don’t share your tastes. My calls with family are anxiety inducing and awful- they’re all addicts. Why does everyone assume that family calls are this big happy event? My wife and my MiL talk daily and it’s mostly fighting.

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My mom and her sister are always talking on the phone. Like everyday lol. I think it’s normal.

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Is fishbowl Reddit now? I’m here for it

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I totally get that. Glad to know I'm not the only one. In my case it's his mom.

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I’m a lady in the minority here, but I have other things to do, so I’m on the phone an hour at the most maybe once a week. Other times, it’s a 15-30 min convo while I’m driving, cleaning, ect. Never while working. I can’t think, plan, create while talking that long:) I also value quiet time, so loud convos are annoying.
Yes-I have family that I talk to daily and I love them dearly. They have understand my communication style and preferences:)

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I wish I had a sister to do this with!

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Seems your wife is sucking up all the air in your house. Work in your underwear/walk around naked, see if that makes her reconsider walking around on FaceTime all day. You need to breath too, no? Of course that might give her more to talk about with her sis.

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I’m impressed it has taken 6 years tbh 😅. Im curious if there are relational differences between your and your wife’s family. For example: my family does not talk often but my partner’s do, and I sometimes feel smothered when they ask to see us more than once per month. I had to acknowledge and come to terms with those differences in order to adjust.

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