Related Posts
Anonymous User
Rising Star
Chief
Rising Star
More Posts
Happy Sunday Fishers (of Men!)
Omg make busy szn stop
Chief
Rising Star
Is the CVA exam worth pursuing?
Additional Posts in Confession
Adderall withdrawal ain't no joke
Visual Storyteller
Rising Star
What is “the 71”?
Anonymous User
Rising Star
Chief
It’s October 3rd.
Conversation Starter
Bowl Leader
What is the best fruit in this universe?🤔
Chief
Yikes Ella lol
Chief
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Enthusiast
Find yourself a bisexual lady, have tons of 3-sums, make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to kids. Boom! You can have it all.
DC - come visit 😘
Completely understand the societal pressure. I am also bi woman , more attracted to women and ended up getting married to a woman. I grew up in a very conservative country where people gets killed for being gay. Some how in life I made it to a place where gay marriage is a allowed. I only came out to my parents after I got married. By the time I was married, I was way too far away from my family to be bothered and independent. If you are independent and stay in a safe place why would you want that. Conversion therapy doesn't work and mostly it gives you even more trauma in life. A lot of people in the LGBTQ community struggles with internal homophobia. I would suggest that you get a LGBTQ friendly therapist. I came out very late in life after being in long relationships with men. Getting the courage to go seek out LGBTQ community and be around them has also helped me accepting myself over time. You can find meetup groups or join events at LGBTQ center where you can meet other LGBTQ people.
Read your other comments and seems like you are from India. Not from India, but I am from a neighbour country where your life can be in a lot of danger if you even talk about LGBTQ issues. Atleast in India you can talk about it. In my country there are underground LGBTQ groups . They are very secretive and only known among other queer people. I found some while I was living in the US after some digging. I have also seen people from my country finding LGBTQ friendly therapist. I have heard of gay men marrying lesbians so that they can have the freedom to do what they would like to do. I have seen the LGBTQ community in my country helping each other out. If you think you would not find happiness in your country, would also suggest that you leave the country.
After years of being depression, unhappiness and suicide ideation/attemp while I was living in the home country, realized that societal pressure js not worth it. Most of these was because of all the societal pressure and pressure from parents. After I left, in only one year I was feeling way better. Keeping your parents and society happy is not worth it. Learned the hard way. If you have a job and financially independent you don't need to do what they tell you. Be safe and also choose happiness.
I’m a straight woman so not writing from experience. However I’m pushing 40 and single so do very much understand family and societal pressure to marry anyone already and reproduce.
Why do you want to do this? This sounds awful - you’ll be putting on an act every day for the rest of your life. That cannot be good for your mental health. Is it mostly family pressure? If you don’t live in a big city with a sizable gay population, then move. If you want children, you can have children without a wife.
You need to meet more and new gays! I’m 37, unfortunately divorced by but was married to a guy and almost had a kid. Have many friends getting or already married and many who have kids through surrogacy
Conversation Starter
Ooh this is gonna get spicy 🍿🍿
My take, you do you.
My advice is that you should find a good therapist. Conversion therapy does not work and is incredibly harmful (in fact, Canada just made it illegal).
Freud had nanny issues
Community Builder
It wouldn't be impossible to find a woman who accepts you for who you are and is on board with nonmonogamy.
Conversation Starter
This is not going to be a popular response, especially among Americans, but I have an acquaintance who was in a similar situation about 15 years ago. He was attracted to men, but felt a lot of social pressure to marry a woman. He did marry a woman, and they've been together for quite some time now.
NPR did a spot about a guy in a similar situation about 5 years ago or so, if you want to look it up. Critics say that these type of relationships don't last, but relationships are what you make of them. If you're both committed, I've seen it work.
Rising Star
A1 - Do you really think that old world cultures are inclusive and respectful of other cultures other than their own? There’s not even any respect for neighboring countries. Why are you holding America to a higher standard?
Rising Star
If you are bi I think you might be able to make it work with a woman. I do think if you can’t get out of India life will be easier and it seems you’re still attracted to women. However if you are gay then no life won’t be easier.
Have an Indian friend who started a family (wife and son via arranged marriage) in India. They moved to the us when the son was a toddler. I can’t say if it was him being gay or the arranged marriage but he and his wife barely spoke. He ended up losing the house and getting divorced. He sees his son once every few months even though he lives near them in a shared house with lots of roommates.
Even though he went from seemingly having it all (family in a desirable neighborhood) to very little (lives in a basement for a few hundred surrounded by other low income residents and never sees his son) honestly he is much happier. He also came out and is dating!
Every situation has a million nuances. You might find a dream woman who you’re attracted to and have a great family dynamic and life will be easy in India. However your responses make me think you’re definitely attracted and prefer men and the women aspect may be from cultural conditioning. In that case I do think it’ll be easier once you get out of India or move to a more progressive city though at the end of the day I don’t think you’ll find true happiness until you accept your inherent needs.
Good luck as this sounds very tough
Enthusiast
I know some people from similar situations and backgrounds who completely moved country and slowly begun to feel comfortable living their more authentic lives - eg to London.
Please get a therapist and join our LGBTQ bowl for support 🖤 please do not say curb the gay and erase your bisexuality. You are who you are now is the time to embrace it! What you're feeling has a name and it's called biphobia. It'll take some time to be okay with this.
I’m bisexual woman, married a woman recently. I missed women more when I was living with a man so I kinda reversed.
Maybe find yourself a bi girl. My wife is a lesbian and cant stand a thought of a man so often I joke I wish she was a bi man so this way we could both have little cameos with opposite gender and satisfy ourselves sexually. Not that I’m not having good sex with her but I do miss man sex often
I agree with D1. I believe you should embrace yourself and your preferences and create a life form that suits you, and not the societal “standard”. I understand that it’s hard to continuously path new ways instead of being able to rely on common structures, but it’s for the better of your mental health.
Know that you are worthy of love and nothing about your identity means that a love filled life isn’t an option for you. That being said, I also wouldn’t say that marriage isn’t for you. As humans, in love we long and deserve to be accepted as we are and communication is always key. From the get go be 100 % transparent and honest about your desires, and give your partner the fair chance to decide if it works for them too.
Lastly, connect with others that are in similar situations and finding strong communities in larger cities is easier than in the middle of nowhere.
Heterosexual F here, although I can’t relate, your post made me want to tell you the following: your goals are not incompatible! you can still have a family and be happy in your sexual/intimate life. It makes me really sad to read that you want to give up who you are and what your desires are because of the pressure you’re feeling from family/society. You deserve to be happy, and being and feeling like yourself is not something you should compromise because it will highly impact your happiness overtime imo.
I hope 2022 will bring you lots of new adventures and that you can eventually relocate to Canada!
One of the main side effects of marrying someone is that, unless you opt for an open marriage, you agree to not have sex with anyone other than your spouse, regardless of your orientation. Someone who is bisexual just agrees not to have sex with anyone from a larger pool of genders than someone who is monosexual (gay or straight). It sounds like the problem is you’re considering marrying someone you’re not attracted to or don’t love, as a way of meeting social obligations, or maybe that you’re not actually bisexual?
If you’re into men and need to marry a woman, consider finding a lesbian in a similar situation? That way you can look out for each other and have a family via the time tested turkey baster method.
Enthusiast
Be who you really are.
Pro
If it’s possible move to an area with like-minded people so you’re not constantly being pressured about having a family and a wife.
Try to live a life where you’re following your desires and needs and not societies and see where that leads you.
Could you get with a trans female who doesn't intend to get affirmation surgery? I feel like with the way society is today, you can build your relationship to scratch whatever itch you've got. Heck I know several people in open relationships, and one throuple.
This question is messed up on so many levels
Gay here, been in a relationship with a Bi male for 5 years now. Follow your intuition, don’t settle because society says so, you’ll be much happier if you do.
Rising Star
Minimize regrets and resentment.
I basically told my family that I needed to live my life in a way that wouldn’t leave me resentful of them and regret being part of their culture. You won’t be able to suppress that bitterness for a few years but not long-term. Most of the people that were around me 20 years ago are gone, if I had done what they wanted, I’d not only be suffering now but my memories of them would have been tinged with so much anger and pain.
Enthusiast
I’m a bisexual in a monogamous marriage. Yes, there is always something missing, no matter which gender you end up with. For me, I’m very monogamous so it’s not really a problem. For others, an open relationship or polyamory works. You have to choose what you’re comfortable with.