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If your kid is already 3 then sleep training is different. The main issue is you and/or your wife giving in. I am separated and my daughter slept in my bed with me on weekend and with her mom during the week until she was 6. When I got a girlfriend, my daughter went nuts because I didn’t sleep with her any more. She says she’s scared but it’s separation anxiety cause her room isn’t dark and she isn’t having nightmares. After arguing with my gf every weekend cause my kid would drag me out of bed and into her room and in bed with her, I reached a boiling point. Not only did I sleep train her, I convinced her mom to sleep train her at her house as well. Initially I was training her but during the week her mother would undermine me. I scheduled one session with a behavioral therapist and she made us both feel stupid for not doing it sooner. So many good things you can teach your child that start with them sleeping in their own bed and self-soothing. The therapist made it so easy. Two weeks later we were sending her to bed after reading a quick good night story. Unbelievable how my quality of life has changed.
Also, we got on a waiting list and it took like 4 months for us to finally get her… so be patient cause there is a huge shortage
Cot in same room for a while then other room but with door open.
Ultimately you’ll need to push through the adjustment* phase with any change.
*this phase will involve a lot of screaming
Separation anxiety is pretty common. Only suggestion is to not given in when she wakes up to find mommy. That is, you or mom take her back to bed, tuck her in, and say she needs to go to sleep. Then leave. This may happen several times over a couple of nights but she'll get the hint. If that doesn't work, maybe a sound machine if you don't have it.
Or Alexa rather....playing white noise
My 4 year old gets up and walks to our room most nights. If I’m up or have the energy I take him back to sleep by himself.
We have always had him in his own room since like 1. But he's a mommas boy for sure. So he likes sleeping with her.
We try to frame it like a big boy thing. Especially when we got his new bed that wasn't a crib. They are excited about growing up. So that might be a way to frame it.
Sometimes you have to let them cry it out too. He/she cannot come to your room every night. Child needs to understand they are a part of the family and not the center of it.
They're are some good books on this as well
Bringing up Bebe
12 hours sleep by 12 weeks
Are both to really good books on this
Same here with 4 year old girl
Ours is 2.5 and started doing this when the younger one (5 months) was born. It’s a sign of separation anxiety - I sleep with the 2.5 yr old now. They’ll grow out of it.
I read you just have to reassure them that you’re with them, slowly start sending them to bed on their own and join them after they fall asleep so they can see you’re there when they wake up.
Good luck dad, it’s real out here!
I’m sorry but I simply disagree with most these replies. The healthy way to train your child to sleep by themselves is by creating a SECURE attachment, not by creating a sense of detachment. You can, of course, do detachment “cry it out”, but that sends a message that “mom and dad aren’t going to be there for you when you’re scared”.
There are ways that you can learn to FOSTER independence instead of forcing it.
Please elaborate on SECURE attachment.
Have your wife go on a “business trip” (I.e. sit in the car) and force them to sleep with you and you alone. Then you leave the room when they are asleep. Repeat for 2-3 nights, problem solved
Went through this. Wife and I would sit next to our 2yo until she passed out. Woke up screaming bloody murder if we left. We don’t have a perfect solution- but we made our little dog sleep in the crib with her. It’s how she earns her keep these days. Problem solved.
Not a solution, but solidarity: my 2yo went through multiple phases when they’d scream for 30-45 minutes like they being set on fire when I would try to comfort them middle of the night…and they’d stop immediately when they got mom
I just attached twin bed to our big bed and made my 3 yr old sleep in it. Slowly added more distance and after 6 months he was sleeping by himself. But he never got used to sleep alone in his room until he was 7. Was big problem but we were happy that atleast he slept in his bed
My wife went on a 10 day vaca solo
That broke the cycle