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Take some time off to support your wife. Hire good help for daily chores.
Got a 7 month old boy. Had my mom helping out first five months.
Suggestions based on my own experience
- meal prep / food delivery for some/all of the week
- cleaning service
- Robo vaccum
- if baby drinks formula, get a pitcher and always prep 3-4 feeds ahead
- get a sterilizer and don’t hand wash bottles
- get a dishwasher basket for bottle parts etc
- maybe get a nanny once a week or every two weeks - some will do chores too and will lighten the load on you both
- put all essentials on subscription- diapers/wipes/formula etc
- do online grocery shopping to limit chores
Drop all other expectations and standards. Plan ahead but do not create unrealistic expectations on how you need to balance everything - tidiness, laundry, yard work, car cleanliness, scratch made meals, your own bedtime….
You have one job. Love that child and keep them safe. As you get more comfortable with that, your capacity will return to increment those duties back into your routine.
Get whatever help you can. My in laws live in opposite coast and my parents were basically not willing to do much of anything, and not sure I’ll ever get over that.
That being said, we made it out the other side! Just like AA1 said don’t sweat things and let go…not saying let your house become a disheveled mess, but let go of your old life. It’s over and a new one is emerging. It will be full and rich, but will be stressful for a bit and you’ll figure it out and make a success at it. I find the longer people still think baby infancy is a phase and their old life will come back when the kid gets a little older or goes to daycare of whatever, the worse it is. Go with the flow and learn a new rhythm and it will be better.
And as I said at the beginning—get any help u of can (cleaners nannies etc). I would would not focus on retirement savings this year and spend the money on that…you will be in a more sane place.
We’re open to hiring a nanny, but obv can be pricey. Plus my wife plans to be SAHM, but the injury complicates things.
You can get temporary help for sure - even having a cleaner come in or have someone do odd jobs can be a huge weight off their shoulder at this point
Are you on paternity leave? If so, for how long?
Meal prep or get a food delivery service. I’m going to get roasted for being extremely environmentally unfriendly but we used paper plates and plastic utensils so we didn’t have to do dishes. Decide on feeding schedule (if and when you will bottle feed.) Ask your wife what you should prioritize, e.g., maybe she prefers you doing laundry and other household chores instead of feeding/playing with baby. A schedule with clear responsibilities helps. But also keeping in mind both wife and baby’s need will change frequently so remain flexible. Over-communicate expectations. Lastly, it’s OK not to be perfect. Some chores won’t get done. Your house will be a mess. Don’t stress over little things.
Ask your parents to support. It’s tough for sure…
Realize your life has changed. Being there emotionally and many other ways for your wife and new child are more important than e-mails and perfectly cleaned house. Also, sleep as much as humanely possible
Enthusiast
Have you considered part time daycare till your wife gets better? Much cheaper than a nanny and they’ll watch your kid for 8 to 12 hours a day
Try to outsource anything you can to take care of the baby & to support your wife however she needs. For example, a local meal prep business could help with food. Or you could even ask friends to bring over meals for the first couple weeks or ask out-of-town family to send gift cards for food or meal services. Also, could you hire someone to help you with cleaning the first little bit if you need to? The key is being able to be as present with them as possible and not feel torn between all the things. That will help you all tremendously!
It's going to be a hard road ahead but you need to be there for your wife. This is a crucial moment for your family, as well as for your growth. Keep at it!
Maybe you have your own family members that can help. raising a child takes a village, sometimes literally. good luck!