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Is there a polite way to ask someone what their ethnicity is? Obviously the “where are you reeeally from” is rude but I also don’t think that people who ask that question mean it in a malicious way typically. Is the topic of culture/ethnicity just off limits at work? I ask all this as a white guy who grew up around a lot of Asian and Indian people and was fortunate to be exposed to a lot of different cultures.
A] India is in Asia. Indians are Asians too
B] No. Do white people get asked that?
“What is your ethnicity?” is how I like to be asked.
-second gen Asian American.
I get tired of saying I'm from Oregon, Boston, and Maryland... I now say, "born & raised in Seoul, Korea." I also never refer myself as a Korean-American anymore, too long, once over 40 years old I just don't give a shit anymore.
Similar situation— I kept doubling down with the “where are you from” question. “California. Los Angeles.” It wasn’t until they (with a twinge of exasperation) asked “where are your parents from?” That they got the answer they ‘wanted.’
I’m of the attitude to answer exactly what they’re asking 😅 if someone does ask for ethnicity specifically, I usually ask back “why?”
But I don't get it, if you were born in a country you are from that country. What do you have to do to be considerer "american"?
As an immigrant I just answer with my home country. But I feel bad for first gen, second gen Americans who were asked where they are reaaaallllyyyy from. They really are from here.
My mom's belly?
Hahaha. This is such a genius idea. I am gonna use this response next time.
Seems to be a loaded question reserved most exclusively for Asians.
Nope Latina here as well and this always comes up
As an immigrant myself, I would ask did you grow up here in xxx city? If not, the person could offer the info they would like to share. "Really from" is an aggressive expression. What's the point? You want to know about their ancestors?
Pro
I just say, “My family is from Hong Kong. I was born in the US of god damn A. Hoorah!” And give ‘em the imaginary double pistols. Bang! Bang!
Nice (from someone who grew up in HK, born in US)
The response was amazing, from god😅 I’ll be using that going forward. In all seriousness though, as an immigrant with an accent, I sometimes ask where people are from (if I hear an accent) as a way to connect with them and learn about their background. No offense meant. But in truth if someone sounded American, irrespective of race I’d never ask.
Exactly. The accent is usually my clue. No accent=move on. I have an accent myself so I expect people to be curious and I am happy to answer. I find they are genuinely interested and happy to learn more about my culture. I live in Canada and this country is built on immigrants. So I cannot assume anything unless I clearly hear an accent.
Why is knowing someone’s ethnicity necessary? Why people asking these questions are normally hegemonic or white people? Why do they feel entitled to an answer? Why do white people don’t get asked what’s their ethnicity?
Asking someone’s ethnicity is invasive. I think we should reassess whether asking someone their national origins is acceptable.
Strongly disagree with senior counsel 1. (And I’m an immigrant minority since you seem to care about race) Worldview are shaped by many factors and by nature subjective, only by getting a collection of these we get to some sort of truth.
In this case Director 3 is an immigrant which is relevant to the topic at hand. They should be able to share their experiences
Ironic that very few people in America have family who have lived here for more than a handful of generations.
“Where are YOU really from?”
i hate when people ask this question.
Ugh. I used to get this question all the time when I lived in Houston. I’d say San Francisco. And then they’d ask where I was born. I’d say San Francisco. Then they’d ask where my parents live. And I’d say LA. And then they’d ask me where my parents were born. Eventually I’d say, “Are you trying to ask me what my ethnicity is? I’m Chinese American.”
I’m think people need to understand the difference in the questions.
“Where are you from?” Usually means where do you LIVE or where did you live? (It’s a location)
“What’s your ethnicity or heritage?” Is about your RACE or ETHNICITY.
Which is why the “Where are you realllyy from” question is so maddening and offensive. Because I’m really from California. But my background is Asian.
on another note… to ask someone a question like that at a first meeting at work - with other people - is so cringy. Would you ask someone what their sexuality is? If it was a 1:1 and you’re trying to form a relationship (and asked in a better manner) that would be different…
I totally agree. don’t understand the reasons behind someone wanting to know where your parents or even grandparents were from. What kind of information could that possibly give them? If you grew up here then you have experienced a similar environment than the person asking the question.
If I ask someone where they are from I usually try to understand if there is something I can learn from them about places I haven’t been to or customs I don’t know about. Different cultures have different work ethics and have different decision-making processes. Especially at the workplace it’s important to recognise the cultural background of the people because that gives us more understanding about their behaviour. Some cultures for example do not value speaking up in meetings so we need to encourage the person to open up and get comfortable. This is how I think knowing the person’s background is helpful in a work environment. If they are raised here that’s all we need to know. Even if their parents were not, the person did not experience the parents’s life. They went to school here and are culturally someone from this country. They may still have a lot of knowledge about a different culture, customs and traditions but chances are their behaviour is not one of an immigrant.
Bffr, when white people want to know where BIPOC are "rely from" it's really to know how they want to treat this person. There's no real curiosity or desire to appreciate a different culture.
So you’re telling me that your statement “white people ask BIPOC is to see how they want to treat them, there’s no real curiosity or desire to appreciate a different culture” is factually correct?
At no point I dismiss your experiences. Please don’t lump things together for your own purpose.
Agreed that this convo doesn’t lead anywhere. I hope you either have had/ will find peace from the hurtful experiences, and hopefully not by becoming another version of the same people that hurt you
not good
Ask them where they are from back and they will see how it feels
I tried asking them the same question. They were so confused. Yep, that's right, so don't ask questions like that anymore.
I'd had people say "no where are you realllly from ? And gestures to face. 🙄 I usually respond with "what kind of white/brown are you?" as a follow up question. Then get the "offended look" from them.
Oh you don't like it huh, suck my b****.
How annoying - response was perfect
Honestly, I don't like asking about a stranger's ethnicity right off the bat. It's ok to ask for more info if they talk about trips or languages they speak, otherwise I like to develop a relationship first if the info is not handed to me.
My family moved around a lot so I like to troll people by giving my whole life story of where I used to live. I think it’s actually a more interesting response than saying where my parents are from lol.
Usually goes something like: “Well I was born in Canada but my family decided to move to the states when I was just a baby. I actually grew up in North Carolina and spent my whole childhood there. But then eventually my family moved to Texas when I was in high school so technically I consider myself a Texan since I’ve lived there the longest, you know?…how about you? Where are you from?!” 😏😏
But seriously, sometimes I can’t tell what a person’s intentions are with that question. I pretty much answer it the same way I expect them to answer the same question. On the other hand, I find that other immigrants are usually pretty blunt when asking (e.g, “are you Hawaiian or something?”, “what kind of Asian are you?”) and I appreciate that type of straightforward question so I always give them a straightforward response. My race/ethnicity is sometimes hard to guess being mixed so that line of questioning doesn’t really offend me in any way.