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I’ve found these things tend to crop up more so because of the relationship between the two people married than the partner being the opposite sex. Your spouse sounds like the jealous type, which, considering you’re married shouldn’t come as a shock. What have you tried to do to make her feel more at ease? Would introducing them help? Not taking your spouses side, but we DO work in an industry that asks a lot of spouses trust- Late nights, travel together, alcohol is typically a thing. Regardless of the strength of your relationship, that’s hard for someone who doesn’t work in our industry to understand. Be patient. Talk to them. Put yourself in their shoes.
Bowl Leader
This is not snark. Sounds like the 2 of you need counseling. This is a symptom of much bigger issues that only the 2 of you can fix together. Maybe you should also read this… When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times https://a.co/d/h9Dk2PZ
Reading this changed the way I handle all relationships. Work and personal.
Bowl Leader
I love that you love Pema Chodron
I once posted that I turned down a female partner because I knew my wife would be jealous and make my life miserable. About 50 people piled on top of me for letting “some random” affect someone else’s career.
My ex-wife threatened to fight a woman who came up to me to say hi at a bar. She was my boss.
Wow. I suddenly feel pretty good about being single still. 😂
Just explain she’s your work wife.
https://youtu.be/FoM_q4h7cAQ?si=XfVxKtZguyASFbhi
Best post topic of the month.
It still sounds better than having your creative partner cheat on her husband (who you also know) with the agency’s CCO.
I discovered the whole thing by accident, kept my mouth shut, got separated from my creative partner and after working solo for few months, I was let go.
We know. Let’s leave it alone.
Here’s a test. Look at all the non-work topics you’ve discussed with your work partner and ask yourself if in any of those discussions, was there something your spouse would have been uneasy with? Sharing personal issues, marital problems, anything that leans into sexual territory, even though you’ve never done anything physical with your work partner. That’s what’s know as a platonic affair. It’s not covered under the excuse of late nights, drinking or travel either. It’s making a very personal, emotional connection but stopping short of sex, and if your spouse found out, they would not be comfortable with it. This is very common as I’ve seen.
CD7 - I am NOW, not in the past. I learned the hard way.
Yes…but I broke it off with my long-term partner. It was a series of these scenarios, and the inappropriate jealousy of my opposite sex work partner was just the straw that made the decision clear. They were also jealous of my opposite sex friendships. It was ultimately, after many frustrating arguments and discussions, a “them” problem, and not one I was going to either solve or accept.
Best of luck to you. It’s an awful position to be in.
Yeah I never gave any reason to be jealous. Never cheated or flirted. It was probably projection anyway. He was probably the one cheating. Regardless, I just realized it wasn’t a true partnership. There wasn’t trust in me (which wasn’t founded) and I didn’t trust that he could me a partner to me if he was constantly accusing me of things I would never do. I just got to a point where it changed how I felt about him and I was done. Didn’t look back. Was a good choice for me. Sorry you’re in a similar situation.
I’ve been the female partner that was the cause of the jealousy before. And it made sense. We were tight. We shared a brain. My partner got ahead of it as soon as he saw the risk, and I made friends with his woman. And recruited her to help me find a man just like my partner, but older and taller and athletic. Basically helped her see that while we do have an incredible bond, he wasn’t my type, and she was on my side. Of course she didn’t, but we’re all still friends today.
Serious question, not being flippant/snarky: is your partner attractive? If so, would your spouse feel different if he/she weren't? Or is it just the obvious (presumably) creative chemistry/connection/sheer hours together you guys have that makes him/her jealous?
Do you have kids? If not run! This behavior will never change. Jealousy is an insecure trait. Advertising is brutal getting beat up for making a living which I know your partner benefits from is ridiculous. It’s simple if she loves you she trust you. You can’t make some one feel better about themselves. And real talk if it’s not this it will be something else. If you want to make it work get therapy now. Take it from someone who has gone through the same thing over and over again. It doesn’t change unless your partner changes. The problem isn’t you. Some of the advice here I have tried none of it works. Emotions are not rational. And everyone has different levels of emotional maturity. Frankly you partner needs to grow up.
Just curious OP. How long has this partnership been in effect? Is this the first partner of the opposite sex you’ve had since being married? Also, does your wife not interact with males in her job/life situation?
Several years, and I've had other opposite sex partners too. It was a problem for them back then, as well. This one is worse because I'm better friends with this one. My spouse doesn't "get" the partner dynamic that exists in creative depts, or they just can't handle it. You develop tight friendships from being in the trenches of pitches and crazy deadlines together. That's just how it is in the industry.
Go solo, it’s pretty much the standard at ECD anyway. Assuming if this is coming up, the work partnership is new.