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Flip it around and show humility. Ask her how you can improve and what she thinks is an opportunity to better contribute.
She’ll feel like a leader and when you do what you’ve been asked, she’ll see it as an accomplishment.
Play the game.
All these posts saying play the game are super depressing.
Really? Let's all just be door mats so we can stroke someone else's ego and maybe they'll throw us a bone? Screw that. Don't be a party to your own abuse.
If someone's mistreating you, you should speak up. If you really think they're being rude, call them out on it in the most respectful and responsible way you can. Don't do it in front of the rest of the team and do tie it to improving the work, but don't let it slide.
This whole play the game mentality is the same sort of thinking that leads to all sorts of shitty behaviors being swept under the rug or excused as not a big deal. It's all on a similar spectrum of bad things people in authority shouldn't do to people below them in the hierarchy and it needs to stop.
Look, confronting someone with more power than you can be intimidating and scary. In my own experience, I've found that if given a chance, most people are decent humans. You just need to connect with them. It could be that they don't see what they are doing as harmful and because nobody has called them out on it, they're just going to keep doing it.
If, in the end, it turns out that they aren't going to change or take responsibility for their actions, it's better to know that now and move on with your dignity intact. That way you don't have to spend years being an obsequious toady to a bad manager who doesn't deserve you anyway.
Don’t talk to her boss. Bad idea.
100% agree with CD1, schedule time to check in with her and see how you two can communicate better. Play the game- you catch more bees with honey
If you don’t think she can handle the comment, tell her boss.
I think it depends on how often this is happening. Once? Twice? Every day? If it’s a one time thing I’d write it down with details and dates, file away, and move on. If it happens again you can talk about this situation as part of a pattern with them. If it’s happening often, the question is can you live with it or not. Don’t think anyone should talk down to others, so my instinct is always to discuss...but that’s not everyone’s style or preference.
Try to talk to her directly first. You’d be surprised how receptive people can be to an honest conversation. If that doesn’t work, consider other options career-wise. Life is too short to be miserable, and we work in a field where you have options
You gotta Jedi mind trick her. Get her to do it without being direct. Try to inception her first and save direct for last resort.
Don’t let it bother you. Kill with kindness and if that doesn’t work, find a better job with a better team. Life is way too short to spend it with a-holes
Your job is to support your boss, and yes, as awful as it sounds, make her (or his) life easier. You have to play the game and make her look good or help her out, even if she is not striking the right tone. If you're doing your job, she will support you better, because it benefits her to do so. It takes time to change this sort of relationship. If you've given it 3-6 months of bending over backwards, and she still treats you like crap, then it may be time for a new boss, or a new job. Some people are just terrible managers.
After 4 months of being belittled by my boss, I left. Best decision I’ve ever made. Now she can go ahead and micro-manage herself.
Couple of questions you should consider
1. Check yourself first is your boss really talking down to you?
2. Is this a recurring behavior?
If the answer is yes get out now! Behavior like this that has gone unchecked is bad for everyone. It is also a reflection of the group your currently working with that enables her to talk down to people. Generally the root of this is insecurity she needs to feel like she is in control by enforcing her authority. Often people learn this from people who have managed them.
If the behavior isn’t recurring then she is probably just having a bad day.
There is some great advice here about playing the game on this thread.
I believe that there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, it doesn’t need to be a big deal.
Tone and body language play a huge role in this.
Next time something happens say something like “I understand what your saying but they way your saying makes me feel like we are not in the same team. How can we work better together?”
The statement above is non threatening and should make anyone stop and think.
At the end of they day you won’t be happy at work if you don’t feel respected. The formula is simple happy people produce good work.
Good Luck hope this helps
Be careful playing the game leads to her abusing you more
Leadership from the Tao Te Ching of Lao Tzu
The best leader is one whose
existence is barely known.
Next best is one who is loved
and praised.
After that, one who is feared.
Worst of all is a leader who
is despised.
If you fail to trust people,
you won't inspire their trust.
Therefore,
guide others by quietly relying on Tao.
Then, when the work is done,
the people can say, "We did
this ourselves."
I agreed with the above comments. Make it all about the work and ways to improve including communication. May be give her a few examples of incidents and how you perceived them and mention how you would like to improve
Clearly more communication is needed. Tread with openness and kindness. Hopefully your boss is a wonderful person who is interested in hearing you! If not, live, learn, and escalate. Open lines of communication is strategy #1. Keep documentation and as much in writing as possible if you strongly believe that will fail.
Play the game.
Get her a box of 5 star chocolate. Weekly. Then increase the frequencies.
Agree with CD1. I constantly don’t play the game and it constantly backfires. You’d think I’d learn but it’s not my personality
All the higher-ups want you to go and prostrate yourself to them so they can make you work more for zero reward. All because they’re incapable of taking feedback from such a lowly millennial.
And instead of addressing the real problem they’re asking subordinates to take the roll of a leader upon themselves and effectively communicate with the people they work with in order to perform a job better. That’s your boss’s job. That’s why they’re in charge and if they can’t do that they shouldn’t have that job or title.
***All the advice the above people have given is what your boss should be doing. Ya know, proactively and effectively addressing problems by placing themselves in another’s shoes.***
This industry’s idea of leadership is abysmal. I thought I had it bad dealing with whiny egotistical creative directors, but nearly every accounts manager is incredibly abusive to their team. And then wonder like morons why they can’t “build a team” or “retain talent”.
My advice: take your money and dignity and run. Never work for someone that doesn’t respect you. Because it will be hell till the day they are “sorry to let you go” and replace you the moment you walk out the door.