Wife and I have a 4 month old. I go back soon, she goes back after 6 months. Our 6 y/o golden retriever is having the worst time adapting. He’s taking a lot of time from me and getting all the exercise and attention he normally received but now it’s never enough with the baby here.

Wife is resentful towards him and is starting to regret him. Any tips on how to manage the situation? We’re sending him to doggy daycare and using overnight boarding as needed but we need a more permanent solution.

Dude it’s a dog. We love our doggo too but the two long walks a day phase is only a goal now, not mandatory. I find it hard to believe the dog can’t adapt.

Rehome? lol these people are crazy.

I’m glad you’re not considering rehoming, dogs are family members. We have a dog too (very dominant personality) a 2.5 year old and a baby on the way. Dogs need time to adjust and things get better over time. Their environment is disrupted just as much as ours.

My best advice is continue giving the dog physical exercise as much as you can (which you’re already doing) and implement a lot of structure in the home so rules are clearly understood and consistent. If crating your dog is not an option that’s ok, but when the dog is not respecting boundaries he should be leashed and on “place” or in a separate section. The dog will eventually understand that during feeding time for example, attention is given to the baby and his job is to stay calm. Staying consistent with boundaries and dos/donts has helped us so much and our dog loves our toddler.

Rehoming the dog is not an option in any world. He loves us and we love him, that love goes beyond and is deeper than this tough time.

We’re doing great schedule wise, energy is okay but better than worse, and with sleeping we’re good. It’s really just at times when we need the dog to sit and go in his bed and just stay so the baby can feed and get attention from both parents that he is just so much to discipline. Wondering if a discipline school of sorts would make difference?

im sure it will get better once the baby can interact with the dog. i am a 5 month post partum mom with two dogs. definitely understand the stress of a new baby plus needy dogs but just picture how great it will be for your child to have puppies to play with through toddlerhood and childhood

We have a 4 year old golden, 3 year old daughter, and 4 month old son. Dog will understandably lash out but will adapt, and it gets better when your kid is older and can interact with your dog. I take mine for a longer walk in the morning before everyone is up (or I take one kid in stroller) and a longer walk at night when everyone is in bed. Family walks on weekends.

More mental work - puzzle feeders, snuffle mats, anything that the dog can be engaged in solo.

As the mom in this situation please do as much as you can on the dog front for her (even as you go back to work first). I didn’t know how I could love a baby as much as my dog and then postpartum really did not love the dog if I’m honest. It does get better (mine ended up sleeping in the toddlers room every night until she passed when my toddler was 4yo 🥹) but for the first year the thought of walking her after I tended to everything else made me so mad. Try to do the lions share.

Tough one! But would give away the dog. I’m sure this feels heartless.

Op - don’t have a dog but it sounds like you fundamentally need to solve for time and energy.

First 4-6 months post baby are hardest. Eventually sleep improves and that improves energy mood and everything else. Find a way to stick it through till you get to that stage.

How are you guys doing overall schedule time energy sleep wise?
Wishing you the best and hope you get to a permanent resolution soon.

We leave it open, but our golden likes a crate for a den like a safe space. I think overall this will get better with time as the baby gets older and the novelty wears off, dog gets used to it. We haven’t had too hard of a time with a baby and the golden but she also has another dog and cat to keep her company. Goldens are very social. If you mange I think playdates or daycare with a play area to socialize are a good idea too. We make sure to pause during the evenings at some point to spend a little quality time as well. Husband is able to walk the dogs at some point most days, and I take the baby and stroller along on nice weather days.

Have a 5 year old golden doodle and 2 toddlers. We also never crated our dog. Naturally our dog got less attention and long walks when babies came but she adjusted. Can you include the dog in baby activities? Family walks, dog around during tummy time, play with dog on the side as baby is doing some independent play. One of us would also do after bedtime walks with the dog 1 on 1 when possible (not every night but maybe 3-4 days a week)

Check out Dog Meets Baby. I cannot believe people are jumping to rehome so quickly. I’m sorry you’re in a hard part, but you can get through this. It sounds like your dog needs help relaxing and integrating the baby (eg being okay not getting attention while the baby does, generally being calm in this new situation). Dog Meets Baby has good training and exposure to get get your dog there. Goldens are smart and biddable, you just need some tools. Also, don’t underestimate postpartum hormones on your wife’s part. Many women feel resentment toward their dogs in early postpartum months that doesn’t last.

Good luck!

Not helpful advice but our 6.5 year old golden passed away from an emergency cancer situation (mass on his hear ruptured and filled the sack around his heart with blood and he went into cardiac arrest) when we had a 13 month old and I was 6 months pregnant with our second. We got 24 hours of "spoil time" with him but it was truly out of left field and the most traumatic thing I'd ever experienced, despite 3 miscarraiges. We felt so guilty about any resentment we had towards him after the baby arrived, and he was even incredible with the baby. Just hug the dog. Its your first baby.

I would get a 2nd dog asap. Dogs are pack animals and need another dog in the home. Having two is much easier than having one. They entertain and comfort each other, just like siblings. Get an adult rescue (no puppies, too much work) and give it a trial run. You'll be so glad you did it!

As others have mentioned, increasing the mental stimulation during the times when you want the dog to relax and chill can really help - frozen Kong filled with some dog safe peanut butter (or combo PB and some kibble - just adjust meal amounts accordingly), puzzle toys, snuffle mats, etc. If you prep these in advance and have them ready to go, it makes it easier. Every dog I’ve worked with (we foster so we’ve had all kinds) ends up really liking that “quiet” time because they look forward to the treat/puzzle/etc. I usually put the item in a crate since it’s for when I can’t supervise a new foster, it also helps the dog to learn the crate is a nice place. Eventually we leave the door open and the dog stays in there and loves it. I’ve had a handful of fosters that never like the crate, but that’s rare if they associate it with good things.

If you’re already handling physical exercise then add in basic obedience coupled with the above will help with the dogs impulse control and overall obedience - sit, stay, wait, place, etc. and then move on to more advanced work and tricks to keep the brain engaged and increase bonding. The training (say teaching place) in combo with the Kong in a crate, for example, is my initial technique. Even just a few minutes a day of basic obedience work can really help but obedience training only works if the owners do the work (in my opinion). If someone else trains the dog, but at home the owners aren’t following the plan or reinforcing it, it’s just a waste of time and money. The obedience work is also bonding and attention time with you for the dog, so it solves a couple of potential issues.

I’m not sure I understand the point of using overnight boarding (unless it’s for when you’re traveling), that can really stress out a dog and increase separation anxiety unless the dog is super comfortable at the facility and with the people there. Doggie daycare can be good or bad for the same reason, some dogs love and some just don’t.

Good luck! Once the kiddo is older they can be involved with the training and it’ll really cement that dog/kiddo bond.

I was in this situation as my dog was barely a year old told when my son was born. In the beginning, it was tough because I needed my husband to help with the baby but we split up a lot with me with the baby and him with the dog. They’re 4 and 5 now and inseparable, our dog has also gotten calmer with age and also realized his little brother isn’t going anywhere. The days are tough you’ll get through it and I can’t imagine life now without my dog in it. It gets better!

Re-home. It only gets worse as the kid gets older and more challenging.

Dogs and babies are HARD!! We had 2 dogs and 2 babes under 2. The walks were hard to manage and the frustration was very real..

You do not need to rehome. Especially if you don’t want to. Jealousy is not just a human emotion and he misses how it used to be (just like an older sibling would need transition time too). Give it time, you’ll make it through.

Things that worked for us:
- creating time just for the pup. Walks, consistent cuddles at specific times of day (good mornings, after babe goes to sleep, etc).
- expand his network of humans he likes. For us, it was a consistent friend who would watch ours when we were out of town and help us with walks when we needed it. For you, it could be a regular dog walker, specific days at doggy daycare, whatever. It’ll help him get the connection he craves from you, now from your ‘village.’
- keep the routine similar, as much as you can. His world just got flipped as much as yours did. The transition to a new normal is possible (and he likely isn’t the prince of the castle anymore) but routine will help him find stability within a new, louder home.
- keep the diapers away and out of reach, clean or dirty. One of mine would get anxiety spells and would shred diapers that didn’t make it to an enclosed trash bin. Gross.

You can make it through and it’s SO sweet to see them interact at ~12-18mo. Now that we have 2 toddlers, the dog walks are a beautifully quiet time of day.

Good luck!

We have an 8 YO smallish dog, and three boys 1-5. Every dog, family dynamic, living situation and set of kid personalities is different, but I know way more families that have struggled with their pre kid dogs adapting to post kid life than not.

Our dog is fine / indifferent to newborns but really struggles being around babies once they start moving / crawling and is only just now beginning to relax around our older two (youngest a very mature 3).

Mix of generalized anxiety behaviors plus resource guarding is most of the issue (non existent pre kids). We’ve tried a laundry list of different training and behavior techniques; but the only solutions that have worked are having him on anxiety meds and keeping him physically separate from the kids 95% of the time and only together under very close supervision. It’s not an ideal situation - hope you guys find something that works for you.

Give it some time. Exercise and doggy daycare helps immensely. My postpartum hormones made me really dislike our dogs and they really stressed me out with the baby. Once I surpassed the 6 mo. mark they calmed down and I found them less overstimulating. We do crate our dogs for 1-2 hours when the kids are moving around so it’s less stressful for me and gives everyone some space. We normally try to walk them in the morning to get energy out and then give them a bone in their crate for an hour or so to keep them busy.