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Agree with BA1. Wife and I did marriage counseling in our first year of marriage. Different issues, but it helped a ton. We just celebrated 10 years and kiddo #3 is incubating now.
You can do it. Put in the hard/ uncomfortable work now and it pays off down the road
FYI I sorted my life out for now. Back on track. Thanks for the support
Yeah for any suggestions on the survival of the marriage more details are needed...however I will say you need a strong marriages going into having a your first kid. There are going to be a lot more sacrifices that need to be made by both of you . This puts a lot of strain on the marriage there are going to be more arguments...be prepared for that
Are either of you willing to get marriage counseling? And then take the suggestions from those sessions? That could help. Plus. If you’re not intimate, - physically, emotionally, financially, - counseling might help you get there
If it’s important enough for you to keep, then you’ll find a way to make it work. Patience, trying new things, stop traveling for work. If it’s worth it, fight for it
Being physically attracted is not what keeps marriages happily together in my opinion. Especially with kids. It’s about support. My wife fits me perfectly. We have what each other need. I’m also attracted to her, but in hard times, that’s not what gets us through.
Go on a baby moon
OP, that’s great. Happy to hear that
D2, you’re a terrible person
I want us to have a future. Shes planning to end things after the kid. This has built up from lack of intimacy from me. Totally my fault. Lots of fights about this in the past...
Sounds like a tough one. I’m sure there’s lots of specifics that you can’t fully explain here, but you need to have a good plan for how this is going to work when the kid comes. It’s going to get more stressful and complicated, and make other feelings boil over unless you address them.
I’m sure there are ways to make it work together and apart but get it planned out before not after
By marrying for "fit" and not attraction, do YOU think you compromised?
Very much an uphill battle the way today is going. appreciate the suggestions and input everyone
Bro, after kids it's going to be a whole different life. A kid without father from day one is going to be tough and unfair to him / her
Not sure why you’d marry someone you aren’t attracted to...having kids won’t make her more attractive either. And don’t take her words as idle threats. I would at least get in touch with a lawyer soon because if she bails after kid is born you are going to be taking a 9-incher in the arse for alimony child support and lack of parenting time. She’s likely already done research and has a plan. Just be prepared
Whoa. This is heavy. What do you mean not attracted to her? What do you mean fit? We need more details to help I think
Do you love her/want to be with her?
If so, have you communicated that to her?
Seems like you are approaching your marriage like a consultant. It is tough to figure out specifically what makes a relationship work. I always consider whether I'm thinking with my head or my heart. Analytically (in your head) you won't figure out fit, who compromised, etc. But your heart knows. Maybe try some meditation or something to clear your mind and ask yourself these questions when in an open state.
Damn u fucked up what the hell
So why do you think you have intimacy issues? In the end, it's about being honest and clear about this. Your spouse has needs and you need to meet them especially if they're crucial to maintaining their bond with you. No plan required besides you being able to find out why you can't actually engage intimately with her.