A very very close friend just lost her mom due to COVID. She passed at 7:45am this morning. I just spoke to her. She’s broken up but seemingly resolved and thinking through zoom funeral plans. Cont’d

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I always do one or a combo of the following:
- send a prepared meal. I’ve done deli sandwiches, pizza... you can do lasagna or soups and bagels
- order a nice blanket and candle online and send to them
- Text them once a day to say that I’m thinking of them. No expectation to talk. But they are not alone. I am remembering them and the one they’ve lost. The feeling of thinking you’re the only one who remembers the person who’s died is super isolating.
- send a plant not flowers. Flowers die. Plants at least have a shot
- send a box of tea, a mug, and a homemade baked good

likeuplifting

Please do a prepared meal too if you can swing it. The last thing on her mind will be eating and living alone she has no one to cook for her.

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When my mom died (20 years ago) the hardest part and most intense grief emotion hit at least a month or two later.
Shock and numbness somehow let people power through the first week or two in my experience and it was a blur. The reality sets in weeks later and my hardest moments hit me when many imagined I had “gottten over it”. ( and do you ever, when it’s your mom?)
So my advice is consolations, cards, meal now. But then check in again and maybe do it all again a month from now.

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Very good point. I talk to her all the time regularly but will make it a point to check in more regularly

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flowers and meals. a card would be nice too 💕

likesmarthelpful

Thank you!

I lost my dad two months ago and these are all fantastic ideas.

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Thank you

If there is anything you can do for her without asking, do that. When we were going through rough times I constantly was asked “what can I do for you?” which was a paralyzing question. But then we had other friends who just showed up and cut our lawn. My neighbor brought in my trash cans every week. Another would just come and walk my dog. It was such a relief while I was still processing.

likeuplifting

This is such a good point. I immediately asked “what can I do” when I first spoke to her this AM and can totally see how that could be paralyzing. Thank you.

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Do something now but more importantly do something in a month or two. When I lost my mom two years ago everyone was incredibly supportive in those first few weeks. And I was still in shock and thought I was coping alright. But I fell apart two months after her death and at that point almost everyone had moved on with their lives. I say this not as an indictment of my friends — I’d done the same when people lost loved ones — but as a reminder that long term support is often the forgotten element.

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Yes. Totally this. And in this environment who knows what the world will be like in two months. Definitely don’t want her to feel like everyone moved on.

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Sorry to hear that! How old was her mom? Flowers and a card would be nice.

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I’m so sorry 😢

I think checking in with her every few days min is prob one of the most important things. Especially since she’s alone.

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Offer to do a photo montage type video?

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Yea I think that’s what she wants me to do for the funeral. Thinking through how to make it really nice.

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Cooked comfort food is helpful. Gives her a chance to not have to worry about cooking for a bit and will help encourage her to still eat and take care of herself. So sorry for your friends’ loss.

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Thank you

You’re good people OP ❤️

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Stick with the classics: a heart felt card, plant, candle, and/or meals

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Yep. I ordered a candle that’s beautiful, thanks

What can I do? She lives about 4 blocks away but I can’t visit. I’m lending my online/digital support but looking for ideas because my husband an I want to DO something. We were talking about bringing food. But this is different since she won’t be having company and lives alone. Flowers? Cards? I want to show her I’m here for her and want to keep her lifted.

I agree with going there! Maybe make a sign that says "thinking of you" and hold it at their sidewalk. Or you could call them and talk on the phone through while on other sides of the window. I think either of those could be funny and light-hearted.

A good friend of mines father just passed of covid-19 as well and I've been feeling horrible about it but they are in another state

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how are you going to give her food if you cant visit her?

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