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This happened to my fiancé and his ex a few years back (before I met him). He and his girlfriend had a great relationship, but she had dreams of taking a job that would have her traveling the world to serve her country and he could either give up all of his own dreams/current life and pack his bags and tag along or they could break up amicably and both move on. They decided on the latter since he couldn’t give up his whole life to be a traveling boyfriend as much as he loved her and supported her. His ex is a gem and they still are friendly, but have moved on. He respects her, but has no romantic feelings for her. Personally, I admire her because I think she was great for him at the time even if they weren’t endgame and she did a lot for my fiancé.
At the end of the day, they were two people who had different dreams, supported and respected each other, and are on friendly terms. I think it’s nice that they can do that and I hope his ex finds a rockstar future partner that has the same traveling lifestyle as her because she deserves it and more 😊
I have not met his ex because she isn’t interested. I would love to, but she said no when my fiancé asked about it. She’s dating someone and is off doing her own thing. Even if she did have feelings for my fiancé, she wouldn’t act on it or that. Not her style and she would have taken the opportunity already if she wanted to. Also, my fiancé would never, ever do a thing to leave me. I trust him completely and his ex is just that-an ex who happens to be a great person.
Yep. This happened to me and my ex after being together for 3 years. We just realized our families didn’t align and we were probably not soulmates, even though we loved each other very much. Had a very rational discussion and decided to break up. Supported each other, remained friends, and overall it was a very positive experience
Deloitte 1, how long does it take? In terms of texting less and less. Do you still meet over the process? In a similar situation, would love to learn more about your experience~
Yes- this happened to me and bf of 6 years. Nothing was “wrong”, but it was just becoming clear that our career ambitions and expectations of each other as future parents would never align. Felt like we tried to reconcile our diverging views in every possible way, but couldn’t. Yes - we could compromise, but it would mean that our whole lives would feel like a compromise, which may breed resentment, and I didn’t want that. so as painful as the breakup was it also was somewhat of a relief because we had tried so hard to make it work.
I know it hurts. Take the time to celebrate it and mourn it. Open up to friends that you trust. Do the things that make you happy. Watch the shows that make you laugh. Travel out of your home city and take in the change in scenery & mental clarity that comes with it. Take care of yourself - rest well and eat well. Be grateful for all the ways you’ve grown because of your SO, but acknowledge that this is the best move for both of you right now. I’ve happened to find someone now whose life aspirations line up perfectly, and who makes me really happy. But I see that as a bonus - even if I never found current bf, I know it would’ve still been the right choice for both of us
It’ll hurt and be uncomfortable. Be kind to yourself, and let yourself grow. Really rooting for you.
Yes done that. 6 months apart and then got back together bc we decided to build our own life and worry less about where we come from. Can’t go back in life, only forward. So I guess it’s a question of does forward look like an extension of your past or does it look like building something very new. It’s not without its challenges and there have been major sacrifices. I don’t believe love conquers all, but is there a way to compromise and integrate your lives that you just haven’t seen done before?
Appreciate your thought. My forward, in my opinion, would be totally different (new city, new crowd, career) rather than extension of the past. Love aside, i’d really prefer not getting back together and i have a feeling my future self will thank me for making this decision. My problem now seems to be the fact that we love each other so much right now and how sad it will be to have to give up so many good memories
Personally I think it’s much easier to find someone who wants all the same things you do, than finding someone who would make you feel loved, supported and understood over several decades. I also saw that frequently with my friends in their mid 30s who wanted a house, kids, a husband who would be a good Dad, a certain lifestyle or a nomadic life of travel and the partner qualities and how well they meshed and how strong they felt about each other were almost secondary. Fast forward 10 years later, they have the life they always wanted and aren’t happy. Personally, I’ve been in long term relationships where we split up due to different life goals, and then I met someone who wasn’t on the same page on everything with me but I couldn’t bear to let him go. We compromised, sometimes for me to get what I want, other times for him. No regrets. People change, their life goals change, they start wanting different things in life, I think it’s far more important to have a life partner who’s flexible and open minded to your dreams, sometimes to their own detriment rather than someone who just wants everything you do to begin with and then who knows. Such required compromise only breeds resentment when it’s always one sided.
Me too, very similar to D1 experience. Pain will pass and you’ll see it’s for the best! Be strong :)
...have to prioritize more. How do you get over this phase? It hurts :(