Have you ever been fired in a way that did not leave you feeling crushed? I have to let someone go but really do not want to destroy their spirit. What can I say to them?

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Give them a glowing reference. It will of course hurt but knowing they can move onto their next role with an amazing reference ready to send will be a God send.

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I was crushed but I left knowing it wasn’t because of me it was truly the business. 1/3 of us were laid off, we were crying in the room, my ceo and ecd were there and the ecd said to me, if it makes you feel better I am getting laid off too… and I told him yes, it makes me feel better because you’re so good, so if you’re being laid off then it’s not cause I’m bad at this. People who are good at this get laid off too. And everyone was a support network to help get me intros for new job oppys

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That’s true. Totally misread.

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That’s a tough one, however it’s delivered you are crushed in the moment. The second they hear the words “…let you go”, they don’t really hear much more afterwards.
I’d say keep it short, to the point and deliver with compassion. Ask if they have questions and then let them vent/swear/cry, and just take it with grace.

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1. Give them the bad news quickly.
2. Tell them what they should do next.
3. Let them know how you will help them.

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Don’t try to come up with something to ease your own guilt. You got to live with it. Know that this person will land on their feet and be so much better and will probably surprise you with success down the road free from whatever snarl they are caught in at the moment with you and your agency. Your actions afterwards and what you say to the remaining team matters most.

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If you believe in them and have contacts elsewhere - put them in touch, let them know they have your support. And let them know you appreciated all of their work to date.

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Laid off or fired? The first isn’t about them personally. The second is and is much tougher to help them feel good. But you could say that you think they could still be good and make it in the industry once they fix x/get serious/stop being a dick/whatever the issue is.

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Tell them the bad news. If the layoff is down to client spend, tell them, so they know it's not a reflection on their personal skills. Tell them how you and the company will help them through their remaining time at the company - this is important so they don't feel abandoned, and you should enroll your HR department here. Do offer to write a reference and introduce them to your contacts. And finally, don't make this about you. It's tempting to say "this is hard for me too", or tell them how they are feeling, but you would be centering yourself, and this moment should be about making space for their feelings.

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Thank you all, some really good gems here. The problem is… it is because of ability. They are not good at this role, to the point that it causes a lot more work for the rest of the team. They have strengths that have little to do with this particular role. I want to give them suggestions on what else they might do but HR advises against it. Sad face

If it’s performance based, they probably know it’s a problem and are stressed about it too. If you’re direct, honest, and clear about next steps, a part of them will be relieved and able to move on quickly.

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