How do you deal with the stress of knowing that other people on your team are working weekends and you aren’t? I’m a mom with two kids so working in weekends is tough for me. Cont. in comments:

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Both my wife and I are biglaw lawyers and have a ~1yr-old. Frankly, I don’t lose any sleep (at least, not on account of my contribution to my team!), and I don’t think my wife does, either. If we feel guilty about anything, it’s how our jobs impact our parenting, not the other way around. It’s possible that part of that comes from feeling secure that we “put in our time” before the baby came—baby didn’t come into our lives until we were at our firms for a while.

Ultimately, team members’ ability to contribute always waxes and wanes based on a variety of factors, kids being only one. We owe it to our teams and our profession to stand up for our commitments to our families and make the job a place where folks can be a lawyer and a parent. If we can’t, it is worse for everyone. Your commitments won’t always be as they are now, and neither will those of other folks you work with. Only thing to do our best, communicate, show appreciation when others pick up slack, and jump at the chance to do more when our schedule permits it. That’s all anyone can expect, and you shouldn’t feel guilty if others have unrealistic expectations—that’s on them.

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This 100%! I have never felt guilty and the only thing I do feel guilty about is not feeling guilty lol. Today I had to work late - till 530pm! - because I needed to get something out and I felt so bad about picking my daughter up late from daycare. I usually leave at 4 and will log on for an hour or two after she goes to sleep if I need to.

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I’m a mom. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m too busy to worry about other people...

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I finally made peace with it (most of the time) after a year of regular therapy sessions. I’m too familiar with the guilt!

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I made peace with it. I wish there was a magic pill. But nothing is more sobering than my husband asking me why I'm looking at work email and not playing with my toddler.

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I’m 80%. It’s improved my life dramatically. Those who work more on the weekends, & generally are likely to move up faster and make more, so you should not feel bad. You should stick with what is best for you and your family & you’ll be happier.

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Agree 🙏🏼 my husband always tells me if those people want to work less, they can go reduced hours too 🤷‍♀️

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I recently went down to 80% hours to avoid working on nights and weekends but it still makes me feel like I’m not pulling my weight when other people are losing sleep because their cases are so busy 🙈

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If you took a pay cut to go on reduced pace then you weigh less (ie cost less) to the firm so you shouldn’t worry about not carrying your weight as long as you hit your reduced pace. At my firm the base and bonus are pro rata to your hour pace. Seems more than fair. Frankly, I wish everyone could set their own pace and get paid and work accordingly but that could get complicated.

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If there are specific people that you work with who you are worried about upsetting because of your schedule then it might be best to proactively bring up the issue and discuss it with them. Better than letting it fester and build resentment or apprehension on either side.

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