Is it inappropriate for my Male coworker to tell me I look “so beautiful today?” We have about a 2 year age gap. Granted I did have a nice outfit on. But I still feel it was likely inappropriate? He also then said “I’m not trying to be a pervert. But you look so beautiful. “

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

I think this is different than “I like your shirt, hair, necklace, etc. “ I think it’s very weird to call a colleague beautiful. Especially if you’re not friends or talking about anything like that.

like

I’m an employment lawyer and you can comment on people’s appearance and it not be weird. “I like your new hair cut.” “That shirt is great, where’d you get it? I’d like to buy something similar for my (fill in the blank” However, this guy’s comments are verging on a pattern and practice of inappropriate behavior. You’ve got a few choices: 1) be extremely direct with him - “your comments are making me uncomfortable- like I’ve mentioned to you before. So we don’t end up in HR - I’d hate that - let’s keep the comments professional and appropriate. Can you agree to do that?” 2) you don’t have to confront him - you can go straight to HR and tell them he’s making you uncomfortable. They’ll do an investigation- you never know whether he’s saying things like this to other people too. 3) report him through an anonymous hotline if there is one. (I like this the least because it makes it difficult for HR to investigate and unless there are multiple victims, you’ll end up being outed eventually.)

Hopefully, your company has had sexual harassment training? You can always mention that to him too!

likehelpful
Recent IconRecent

“Trying not to be a pervert” just makes it worse because it’s like he’s acknowledging this is inappropriate and borderline pervy but he’s going to say it anyway 🙄

likefunny

Ew, this guy is a creep. I would feel uncomfortable! I would definitely keep a written log of this. Is he more senior than you?

like

I don’t think commenting on people’s appearance is appropriate at work pretty much ever.

like

I agree I think unless it’s like someone you’re very close friends with or maybe someone who has asked you out / expressed interest prior and it wasn’t rejected

like

On its face, seems innocent to me. Is there a history of odd behavior from him?

like

Just read the context you provided below. Definitely weird. Sorry this guy is bothering you so much!

like

Yes, especially with all of the additional context you’ve provided.

like

Thank you everyone. This is just the tip of the iceberg with regards to comments he’s made to me. But this was very validating. Thank you all so much.

like

Report him. What a predator.

like

Yes, this would creep me out right off the bat.

like

express how you feel and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. if he says it again it is inappropriate

like

oh I didn’t see your edit. the pervert part makes it inappropriate. especially because you said something before

like

I think the context and prior behavior is important here. I have a male colleague who I work with all the time. We’re both married. We respect each other both personally and professionally. We attended a ball with a bunch of other coworkers in NYC (not our home office) and took a cab together. He told me I looked beautiful in my gown, but I was also just back from maternity leave and he knew I was struggling with some appearance concerns still. 100% appropriate and I appreciate that he knows me well enough to know what I needed to hear in that moment. I also have a skeez ball coworker who later that night told me I was a hot MILF. Not appropriate! Intentions are everything.

like

This is a great example of friendship and support vs. shit you should not say at work because it is inappropriate.

“Not trying to be a pervert BUT”???! Boy gtfo. If they have to say “but” after explaining how they’re not a pervert (or a racist or a sexist or whatever), there’s problem and they know it

like

Lol, prob flirting. But he sounds normal?

like

There is more hidden in replies to comments - like mentioning she had changed the “scent she was using.

Given the totality of what you’ve presented he definitely is not on the right side of the boundary for work (or honestly even a male friend in your friend group). I’m not sure what the right response is, but I 100% would give validity to your feeling here that this is crossing a line.

like

Yes, that is inappropriate.

like

We had this issue with a male partner and some female associates. Turns out there were a group of them he was making comments to. One felt comfortable telling me, told me about the others who I then spoke to and I advised them to go to HR together. I’m a new partner and this is a more senior partner. If you know he’s making these comments to others, there is strength in numbers. HR investigated but because it wasn’t clear which female associate reported it - none were treated differently by the other partners which is exactly the outcome I wanted for them. The comments were similar to the ones you are experiencing borderline creepy but not overtly sexual. They made the partner go to additional training. At my prior firms, nothing happened for this kind of thing… no investigation and certainly no consequences for the partner. I know they all continue to work together and there haven’t been further issues.

like

He should have said - you look nice today. Is he generally awkward? If so, I’d give him a pass and speak up next time (e.g., I appreciate the sentiment but it makes me uncomfortable when you comment on my appearance). If you don’t want any comments on your appearance at all, that’s your prerogative and you could say something like the foregoing next time regardless. The “not trying to be a pervert” lead-in is really weird and makes me think he may just be somewhat clueless. A real perv isn’t likely to flag it like that IMO.

like

This dude clearly doesn’t get it and thinks you think it’s funny or cute the way he *tries* to compliment you. Men like this only escalate. Shut it down. Quite frankly, I would tell him to refrain from commenting on your appearance because he’s grossing you out. Make sure you say the grossing you out bit, otherwise he won’t take you seriously.

The attorney I worked for in law school was 9 years older than me and if he liked how I looked he would say “cool outfit today!” It was so sweet and respectful. Wish more men were like that

As an aside: the women above saying it’s fine or give him a pass are weirding me out. Y’all have either never seen a man escalate or you’ve been treated so horribly you’re desensitized to all their weird behavior.

like

I’ve had male colleagues comment on my appearance. It has never really rubbed me the wrong way, but “beautiful” is not the term used. Think that’s a little bit different than “attractive”, “good looking”, “you look nice”, etc.

like

I changed the entire way I present myself at work to avoid comments like this. I had a male coworker call me “hot” and I threw away all my pencil skirts and heels. Sucks I had to but I don’t regret it. I get taken more seriously now.

like

This is awful

like

HR. Document.

like

Related Posts

Best way to ask a low social IQ coworker to stop taking long phone calls? We work in an open office and it’s really distracting. There are plenty of rooms available for this purpose

like

What do you do when a store manager let's a cashier.walk all over the assistant manager? Dm isn't any help. I'm at my wits end! Store manager sticks up for cashier every single time. I've offered to give that cashier my keys . I'm so done with trying to do right, only to have manager make up excuses.

like

Got an email from someone who is supposedly wanting to hire my firm, but a few things are giving me pause: 1) I’m a rising third year, so idk why they are emailing me, 2) it just says “dear attorney” then the short message, not my name (though practice group is correct), 3) it is from a gmail email address, not the company. So… do you think this is real? I plan to forward it to a partner, but should I first send to IT to see if it’s even real? Just seems weird to me.

like

I’m have a new theory about why juniors always feel like idiots and wanted to see if anyone else thinks this makes sense. I’m a third year, and am the most junior person all of my teams (generally me, a senior or two, and a partner or two), and I always feel like I’m messing something up. Is this just because I never get to work with other juniors and don’t see the mistakes they make, and that it’s relatively normal? And FWIW I went to HYS and I’ve had a clerkship so it’s not like I’m not smart

like

Off topic.
Women - what outfits can be considered as business casuals?

like

Dear Nappily Ever After,
No one has an office, much less an assistant. Creative and account are different jobs with their own dress codes. But dumb, off brief ideas by white creatives do win.

like

My boss is always making last minute changes to my schedule. Adding shifts or asking me to cover for other people. Any advice on how to handle this? I want to be a team player but the last minute changes stress me out.

like

Dealing with asshole client who tried to bully me into changing our recommendations, and spineless partner who is back pedaling now given client reaction, despite pre-aligning on our view. People suck

I have several job offers I am considering. My dilemma is when I put my resignation in for my current employer should I tell them why I’m leaving? (Toxic environment passive aggressive behavior from superiors
And staff that habitually didn’t do their job thoroughly and I was prohibited from writing them up?) thoughts?

like

Originally from Italy, I've been out to anyone at my former jobs in Europe without ever worrying about the reactions of my coworkers. Now I'm Asia and just started a new job, but one of my colleagues (also an expat) made a very weird statement about gay people having more chances of developing cancers (?!?!?), so I feel a bit skeptical about talking about my private life... The problem is that anybody else seems to be so welcoming and open-minded, except for this one guy. Any advices?

like

I am looking for the post made by the junior associate with the voicemail from the female partner on a Friday night telling her how stupid she is. I didn’t bookmark the voicemail and I wanted to show it to a colleague to show her there are worse bosses than ours. Lol. It was circulating a couple of months ago. I believe it was a New York firm.

like

I have an informational interview with a director of a consulting firm. I’m currently in banking. It’s just been 6 months at this job for me. It’s too slow for me. How do I tell this director why I want to work with him and justify why I want to leave my current firm just after 6 months? I’m an analyst and the role I’m targeting is also analyst level role

like

Question for folks in here who work at a company with unlimited PTO/vacation - how do you manage this from being abused by employees?

like

Has your boss ever forgotten to pay your commission? Happened to me today. Actually to our entire sales team. Advice for how to respond?

like

So my VP at my previous company felt bad and refused to speak to me or attend my farewell after my resignation. His reason was that I somehow betrayed his trust as he had promoted me just last year (after keeping the position open for 4 months and letting me take additional work load after the previous SM left!). Does this make any sense? I mean where does this sense of entitlement or ownership over the employees come from? No wonder the company in question is kind of facing a literal exodus!

likefunny

Starting a new fully remote role Monday with a leader that has never had their own admin, let alone an exec assistant. Any suggestions for developing the relationship or training them to properly use an exec assistant?

like

I think I’m about to get my first experience of getting in trouble with a partner for work that I actually already sent for review and followed up on multiple times (and brought up during calls). Stay tuned… 😑

like

Has anyone had a manager they just don’t vibe with/relate to? I’ve been trying to connect but I haven’t gotten them on my side yet. How did you manage to crack the ice?

like

Monday Morning rumination: unsolicited advise is criticism.

Much to reflect on with this topic. Last week I was told in a 1:1 with a new contact that I was “too direct”. After some time chewing on the conversation I was struggling to place the emotions I was feeling. Turns out I was feeling guilty and shame for being me, for taking up space. Lesson of the week: unsolicited advice is a criticism of you, a micro aggression of who you are, and being “too much”. What would you do??

Post Photo
like

Scheduling added another S3 (my level) to my engagement but acting as a manager, while I’ve been on this engagement for a few years and getting great reviews. My ego is shot and I’m insulted. Advice?

More Posts

Hi I’m a ACD/AD looking for a FT gig, and wanted to see if there are any similar level CWs looking to team up. DM me if you’re interested and would love to chat more! Also, I’m pretty open city wise.

like

Is there any difference in the interview process (including evaluation) for generalist vs. specialist positions at McKinsey right now?

like

What's the dress code, is it strictly formal or smart casuals.

like

So what is the cheapest way to get a RIMOWA carry on? Lufthansa Worldshop has great prices but doesn’t deliver to the USA

Looking for a solid, not overly complicated proofing platform that internal creative reviews and also client reviews can be executed in. ProoHQ is to robust for our current needs. Pastel is great for web but need it for pdf/brochures, print, digital banners/content, and video would be a plus. Any recos are greatly appreciated!

like

Huron 🍣, what’s your world like right now? Just got a recruiting email, and know Huron’s reputation but little else. How do you like the firm, how are you measured, and do you want to stick around?

like

12 years ex- Accenture. Certified Scrum Master, Product Owner and Salesforce Certified. In Kolkata (preferred), Open for Bangalore. Currently in Notice period. DM me for open roles.

like

How many of you are building side gigs in addition to your usual work?

like

I'm just getting my interior styling business off the ground. We're offering interior decorating services for those who are local and virtual designs for those who aren't.

Let me know what you guys think about this design.

Most critiques are welcome!😉

Post Photo
like

What is the right amount of guidance & support an employee in apprenticrship should receive at work? How much responsability?

like

Just got word that my position is bring eliminated, would love to get some leads in the L&D space if possible! Thank you in advance!

like

Any VCs hiring an analyst with consulting experience?

like

Hi! I’m a Colombian Pharmaceutical Chemist recently moved to the US. I’ve 3 years of experience in RA within Pharmaceuticals and Consumer Goods for Latin America markets. I want to get a job in US RA field. I’ve sent my resume for several RA openings but without success of getting an interview. I’d appreciate your advises on how not being ghosted by recruiters! I mean, how you got your jobs and what helped you to do so (most relevant info in resume, formatting, useful courses you’ve done) tks!

Insight about knowledge specialist roles at Bain? TC + relationship to associates would be helpful to know

like

Small life sciences company. Seeking reccos for internal IP Docketing Service/Platform. Anyone have any reccos.

like

For those with, or working on, Masters degrees, what major did you pick? I’m on my second semester of Music Ed, which is what my undergrad is in. Did you do music for both or something different?

Does anyone have any advise on how to become a staff video editor at a creative production company? They usually don't have any "job openings" listed on their site.

I have 5+ years of experience working at a creative ad agency, but much of the work was pitch/sizzle videos (yuck).

I'm freelancing now which has been a great step in the right direction but I'd eventually love to be on staff at a post house like The Den, Cut+Run, Company 3 etc. pumping out cool work. Just seems hard to break in.

like

I’d like some independent views please, on a financial decision my wife and I are about to make. We’re looking to buy our first/dream home and the property is valued at $1.25m. We have savings of $250k and our HHI is c$350k, with no debt. We will probably exhaust our savings on the deposit and closing costs. A $1m with mortgage at 6% with property taxes is c$8k/month. We net about $14k, we think it’s just about manageable, however keen to get your views please? More context in comment below.

likeupliftinghelpful

How about job security in wipro?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal