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What are some good personal finance books?
Ey work life balance
Had to do it! Oldie but it sums it up🤣
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He’s not great “in other areas” if he is lacking in quite literally the basic foundations of being a man and a great partner.
- lacks financial disciple
- complainer but no action
- un-ambitious
- lacks disciple again in cutting corners and not sticking to a goal
Yikes what else do you need!
I’m just going to add that if you are questioning yourself now, you will be kicking yourself later. Take heed and do the needful because it sounds like he doesn’t plan to.
If all you’re looking for is someone who is trustworthy that you can talk to, I would suggest a counselor. But if you’re looking for a man, I would not look to one who lacks the basic needs that a woman has. You’re going to regret it!
You already know the answer to this. Trust yourself. None of the answers by myself or others will suffice because we’re not in your shoes.
Like the movie “why did I get married" make a real list of pros and cons and see which list is longer. List the things you absolutely need; dig deep don't write surface answers really think about your husband and your marriage.
Thank you for this suggestion! I'm going to take some time tomorrow night to do this!
Nah don’t settle sis! If you value ambition you should be with someone who values the same. Let him know how you feel and see if anything changes. If not, let it go.
The guilt you’ll feel for not choosing yourself will be worse. I had a very similar situation, got married to him and ended up divorcing him in less than 3 months. I felt like this was the best I could do and maybe I was being too picky. And it “wasn’t that bad.”
After divorce and healing I then found the love of my life almost 2 years later and we’re now married and I’m 10000x happier then I could ever imagine. He’s incredibly generous with his time and money, very great with finances and savings, extremely kind, and family oriented. I remember an older friend told me that you shouldn’t be marrying a man that you can’t imagine having a SON that is like him. Not a child. But specifically a son. That really stuck with me.
Don’t be afraid to walk away when you know you deserve better. These are core foundational things that you do not settle on. Typically when people talk about “settling” we’re talking about negligible things not character.
Never settle for less than the outcome you want. The things you settle for end up being 10x worse when you get married. Trust me.
So my husband is a public school teacher and therefore I’ve always been the breadwinner but he’s passionate about his career and it brings him joy. Plus he lives within his means and manages his money very well. He also took a career break to stay home with the kids which was lovely although unconventional.
So I guess…how will guys handle finances? Does he contribute other stuff to the home like cooking and cleaning?
Your going to be 53 and hating you settled.
You should try to inspire him through example and give it a time frame like a year or w/e.
If he's been great it's worth it to see if he can be everything you need.
You're going amazing sweetie 😘
Don’t compromise on major things like alignment of goals and finances.
You should want to be in relationship with the person you have not the better or different version of him. What do you really want out of a relationship? Does current state meet that need?
I'd suggest you ask yourself: If nothing changes about him for the rest of his life, am I willing to stay with him? Will I be content?
That should help you answer the question for yourself.
More important than the type of person you want to marry is the type of person you want surrounding you...
When you're in an intimate relationship with anyone, you move in their direction so to speak. It's possible that your ambitious heights are limited by a partner who is unwilling or unable to think the same way and give a supportive boost.
And at that point, you're better off alone than with someone out of alignment (and with derailing potential!)
I just broke up with a guy for this exact reason a few weeks ago. He was kind and respectful to me, but had no drive to better himself. He complained often and I saw no work done by him to change his situation. It was such a turn off. We were together a little over a year and I finally had to end it. I would feel guilty whenever I booked trips and had hobbies he couldn’t participate in due to his lack of finances. There’s nothing you can do for him if he’s complaining and not actively working to improve himself.
So, what are his good traits? Do you really want to build a life with this man? Unless you're willing to carry the financial weight (living expenses and savings/investments) in a marriage or long-term relationship, you probably need to get out now.
My husband makes less than me, but he's financially responsible and established savings and investments before our relationship.
I’m 32 and I’m no counselor sis but if he’s like this now imagine if you were to get married and have kids, if that’s your wish. A man is supposed to be a provider, point blank, that’s their nature. You should never have to make yourself smaller to make things with your significant better. Love doesnt pay bills honey. And you have to be ok with letting go to find what you deserve.
Hmmm would you be happy if he never changed? I can’t really tell you what to do but sometimes we see our partners through rose colored glasses and hyper-fixate on their potential. If you can honestly be content with the areas that he is lacking, go ahead. But marriage is permanent/long-term and unwinding yourself from an “unambitious etc” partner may be worth more than the cost.
I had one of those. I stayed with them for 2.5 years too long. Six months into the relationship, they hit a roadblock in their career and instead of getting back on the horse and trying to figure out how to get past it, they complained and stayed stagnant in everything. I got rid of them nearly two years ago and it was the best decision.