{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "long serious distance relationship where he makes a lot more than I do. Relatively happy at my job in big city. firm depends on me substantially. How would you approach the possibility of leaving?", "post_id": "5e210acb035f99001af06cf6", "reply_count": 12, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d052", "bowl_name": "Law", "feed_type": "crowd" }

long serious distance relationship where he makes a lot more than I do. Relatively happy at my job in big city. firm depends on me substantially. How would you approach the possibility of leaving?

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Your job or your boyfriend?

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Fair point. Keeping the boyfriend!

“Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are all noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”

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My pov as someone who moved for my bf, now husband: 1. Don’t move for him, no matter how much he makes, unless/until you find a position that makes you as happy as your current one. If you’re getting married, you have the rest of your lives to be together- no need to rush things and put yourself in suboptimal circumstances. 2. Don’t leave until you leave. Everything you are doing now builds your skills/experience and makes you a better candidate for your next job. I would think of if/how you can work out an extended notice period once you have your next job (this may be impossible but worth a thought) or work remotely if you need to move but don’t have a new job yet. 3. If you can, try and informally mitigate what the firm depends on you for. Start thinking about the info/knowledge/documents you alone have and try to share what you can- as if you were going on a long vacation and others needed to cover your work (not literally but with that mental approach). Prepare a plan for the transition and be ready to discuss that once the moment arrives. I’ve worked for large and small companies, and from my experience everyone is replaceable (which is a good and bad thing)- the difference is how painful the transition is. Proactively thinking of how you can lead this process will go a long way towards minimizing stress on others as you are heading out.

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Screenshotted this. Super valuable advice! Thank you!

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I guess to add: im going to be the one to move when we get engaged. So how do i handle with my firm? Do i just stay silent?

Thank you- great advice and insight

In what industry/profession does your boyfriend work and how did you meet?

Doctor. Met through my brother- they work together and he is one of my brother’s best friends. Been dating >1 year now

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