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Faaak ma lyf
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Girl come on, this is easy. Just unfollow them. They mean nothing to you vs (I’m hoping) your bf means a lot to you.
Any one saying just delete them has never been in an abusive relationship. Keep your friends/follows and ditch the boyfriend! This is where it starts. He tells you who to be friends with. He causes tension and space between your friends and family. Slowly isolates you and controls you and then makes you feel like you have no where to go and no one to turn to and then you feel like you deserve the abuse. Until one day you try to leave, and it escalates to he's threatening to make you lose custody of your kids or frame you for crimes or treating the home you live in and your livelihood. I've been there. My family was scared for my life and I was scared to leave. Until I had to get law enforcement involved. I lost a lot going through it all the hard way but got out and found a real love down the road who protects me and our home instead of controlling me and our home. Get out while it's still an easy choice.
Recruiter 1 except adults should be adults. My best friend's brother and I had a one time thing but he was 1 of 5 people I saw during covid lock down and we became very good friends and my boyfriend is not threatened by him at all because HE TRUSTS ME. that's the important part. He trusts me and has no reason to feel he needs to control me and he knows we're just friends and nothing will happen. We hang out just us without him sometimes, usually with our kids.
If they hit on her before the relationship and not since the relationship then there is no reason to control that connection. If they continue to hit on her even after she's made it clear she's in a relationship then maybe she should delete them because that's toxic. But because that's how it makes her feel. Not because she's "told to."
Do you even still keep in touch with those guys or are they your friends? If you don’t really have a relationship with them, unfollowing probably isn’t a big deal.
That being said, I’d make it clear to your boyfriend that just because you’re unfollowing them, it doesn’t mean he can dictate who your friends/acquaintances are and that you hope you can work together on his jealousy issues.
I agree with you
Seems to me like the boyfriend is a control freak. After this, he'll keep demanding that you remove anything from your life that makes him slightly uncomfortable.
That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.
I would not have a problem with unfollowing both of them, where the issue lies is continuing this path: telling me who to follow & who not to. Would you have to cut ties with everyone that messaged you in the past?
You nailed it. Exactly how it started for me.
Even after I kicked him out, I went back to talking to him to see if we could work it out. I changed my profile pic to a headshot with curly hair and makeup, a sweater on. Nothing too risqué. But he sent me 17 messages and called me several times. The messages were "who is xx that liked your photo?", "you screwing those 4 guys?", "did you get the attention you wanted?". That's the moment I was done for good. And I started dressing up and doing my hair and makeup once a month (covid, so work from home and had no reason otherwise lol) and taking a selfie to tell people my story and remind them that they don't have to settle for abuse. And mental and emotional abuse is still abuse. Look on social media for the tags "maybe he doesn't hit you, but
..." for more info and support with emotional and mental abuse
I don’t know! What should you do?
This sure is one tough nut to crack but I trust you can do it if you really think about it…
Just remove them and move on. Don’t create problems unless you feel strongly like it is one.
Just to offer some clarity: if your boyfriend follows a woman on Instagram and messages them, it’s probably because he finds her physically attractive. Similarly, those two men most likely find you physically attractive, so your boyfriend is projecting his own intentions onto them and sees them as a threat. If he was grounded and more confident, it wouldn’t matter to him. But based on their Instagrams, my guess is that he perceives them as having higher status (i.e., more attractive, more wealth, etc.)
Have you already explored his concerns? Has he been cheated on in a previous relationship? Does he have an issue with you having guy friends in general? If two women followed and messaged your boyfriend in the past and they were attractive, how would that impact you? If you’ve already made your best efforts to understand his thoughts and emotions, and this is just part of a wider pattern of him controlling your relationships, I’d be concerned. If your Instagram friends look like variations of Ryan Gosling, then he probably just feels emasculated and needs a lot of reassurance. But I figure you’ve already lost some respect for him due to his lack of confidence, so regardless of the reason for his jealousy (previous experiences, low confidence, etc.), it seems like there could be a bigger issue whether you delete those Instagram followers or not.
Great point CMC. There are definitely some underlying issues
If it does not bother you and your relationship with your boyfriend is matured enough (likely leading to something long term), then do it. Not a big deal. There are going to be things that you wouldn't like about your boyfriend and you deserve the right to expect him to change as well.
Remove them. Is that the hill you want to die on? But also, do some deep thinking and discussion around the "why" he's asking. Could be a red flag that he has toxic ways about himself.
It’s always great to get advice. However, no one knows the extent of your relationship but him and you. Have you ever asked why he wants you to unfollow. If it is his own insecurities then you both need to communicate further within the relationship. Actions of each are a communication just as much as words. Are you keeping in touch with them for yourself…or bc you don’t want to lose ppl? So many things within this that both of you have to discuss and reflect. No one knows if this is abusive or another issue.
Tell your boyfriend to trust you or move on. Does he follow any women? Tell him to remove them and see what he thinks. But don’t do it after having the conversation about your 2 guys. Just do it out of the blue and see what he says.