My SAHW is mad at me because I used "the good" comforter on the guest bed when friends were visiting (she was out of town). She's now blowing me up all week about how upset she is.

How reasonable do we think this is? Im trying to gauge if I think its so unfair because work has been busy all month or if im just in the wrong.

likefunny
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It’s not just the comforter.

likefunny

Based on the context yes obviously your wife shouldn’t be upset with you over a silly comforter. Maybe there’s something else bothering her in her life and is just sort of taking it out on the comforter? But yea on the surface its just a silly comforter. you can just wash a comforter/bring it to the cleaners and its good as new

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Also OP, i can imagine your frustration. Perhaps going so far as saying divorce, maybe it’ll be good to let cooler heads prevail. Try to see if there is really something else bothering her, maybe even couples therapy if needed? maybe she needs a distraction of some sort like getting a part time job out of the house. But yea it can’t be her always blaming you for things. That’s where maybe a marriage counselor can help

likehelpful

To be clear im thinking of divorcing her over it. Hence the post. Tired of everything being my fault

funnylike

This is deeper than the comforter. It’s unfortunately common for SAHW to feel a lack of respect for their labor from their spouses, this leads to the bickering and blaming. If you’re tired of everything being your fault, I’d suggest couple’s therapy and an assessment of how much both of you are putting into loving each other the way you each receive love.

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If talk to her and try and figure it out. Look at it like “hey, I think there’s an issue. This is what I feel. Tell me what you feel. We can figure this out like team. Us versus the problem.” That’s really how you should look at it.

I’m assuming she’s probably really annoyed about something too and this is just the final drop for her.

I agree though that if you constantly feel miserable with her, you shouldn’t be with her. But do not bring up divorce until you’re absolutely sure. That will cause a fight or flight response and it will be so hard to fix the underlying issue then.

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Has she mentioned to you what occasions that “good comforter” is reserved for?

How often are you intimate? Do you have date nights? It seems like her frustration may be a symptom of an underlying issue.

likefunny

Not enough information here. No offense but you could totally be someone who also leaves the toilet seat up, never replaces empty paper towel rolls, leaves water all over the bathroom floor and sink, leaves dishes in the sink etc etc.

Need more context bc the comforter may just be the last straw for her…

like

fair enough

Just tell her how much you farted on it and didn’t take a shower for a few days while she was away

like

Sounds like some couples counseling would be a great alternative before divorce.

Have yall sat down and talked a little deeper about the issue? I’m assuming it’s happened a lot before.

like

Was the comforter damaged? Maybe she was upset about the overnight guests, not the comforter. You need to talk to her about it!

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Did it have special meaning, some are very expensive or hard to clean. At one job, the women were forced to clean after the men and we started getting mean about it each time a man dropped something. Sometimes its a combination of stressors and that one thing symbolizes it all. Working hard is subjective too. For example in one study STAHH's did less housework than women who worked full time.

Sounds like you maybe using the comforter in the guest room

Yes she overreacted because of the comforter

But you are overreacting going straight to divorce.

Marriage isn’t always easy. Work at it

Have you spoken to her in a genuine way to try to see her point of view? She could be overreacting but maybe once she sees that you care or are trying to figure things out she'll change her perspective. Marriage was not my thing so I cant give real advice but I know relationships and I know I keep em a long time. I just pay attention to little things.

How long you been married? Also what the hell is a comforter? I’ve never heard of such terms before. Could you explain please.

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