{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My wife has built an illustrious career for herself, and done very well. She's educated, lovely, and respected. However she's recently decided she'd like to transition out of that world to be home with the kids. I fully support this but she's receiving a lot of judgment. Has anyone else been through this?", "post_id": "61ef18436b4ebe0028a2965b", "reply_count": 19, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "5f75071f4a076300201926c8", "bowl_name": "Partners in Accounting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

My wife has built an illustrious career for herself, and done very well. She's educated, lovely, and respected. However she's recently decided she'd like to transition out of that world to be home with the kids. I fully support this but she's receiving a lot of judgment. Has anyone else been through this?

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In my opinion, that is the most respectable thing she could do. Not to be blunt, sounds like you both need new friends.

likesmartfunny

My husband and I decided back in 2019 that he would stay home with the kiddos for a period of time. Now we consider it a permanent decision because it was so needed for our family and us. The amount of crappy comments he received and still does is beyond frustrating. As others have said, do what is best for your family and your relationship. The comments are a commentary on the unhappiness those people have with their decisions in their life.

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Same exact boat here, but we knew it was permanent when he left because of the way his job works. It was by the far absolute best decision we made as a couple in our 20+ years as a couple. He has been home with our kids since 2013, whereas before he traveled at least four days a week and I was an exhausted wreck trying to work and keep it all together while he was out of town. We have a lot more joy in life now, despite losing his six figure income. We also decided to have another kid. Never could have considered it if we both were still working and she is the greatest little bonus!

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It probably doesn’t compare to the crappy comments I personally have received over the years because I work a demanding job as a woman that requires travel etc and had kids. Like I am a bad mother and my kid is not getting enough attention. Or, horrors, the dad raises the kids 50/50. Cuts both ways. You don’t have to defend your choices. Our culture is very judgmental to women in general. None of their business. And you can always work later, or not.

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My wife, too, had a very rewarding and successful career before deciding she wanted to be at home. We dealt with judgment from a few friends and I will honestly say that we have moved on from two of those friendships. Every time we met up with them there were subtle digs about my wife’s choices and “not working”. Do what’s right for you. If your friends judge your for it, they aren’t very good friends.

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I’m in year 37 of PA with the last of 4 kids getting ready for college. My wife decided to leave her job to be at home full time 20 years ago, after having moved to part-time a few years before that. We have always looked at it from the view of how blessed we are to be able to do it….Mom was always home when the kids came home from school and to this day we believe that has been a huge stabilizing factor in their lives and helped shape who they are as humans. I know this sounds old school and possibly a little sexist, but it is a choice we made together and have never regretted it…..and never cared what anyone else thought!

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It isn’t anyone else’s business what your family decides is best for you.

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Hoping cancel culture is a short lived fad, like the mood ring or the pet rock.

likehelpful

Everyone seems to want to get involved in others business. You are doing well and have the luxury for your spouse to stay home with the kids. It’s your decision and your alone. The others are either jealous or have different things that motivate them.

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Funny I am getting judgment from the opposite side. My wife has been a stay at home mom for the past 9 yrs even before I made partner. I finally made partner and our kids are older so she decided to start her own business from home selling things on line and doing event planning. She has gotten judgment from people asking why she needs to do that if we make “ a lot of money”. You can never please other people so just focus on your family.

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That’s ridiculous. People 🙄. Kudos to your wife! We heard similar things from some family members when my wife reinvented herself and became an interior designer when our 3 kids graduated college and left the nest. I had some choice words for those family members. Our friends on the other hand were and have been totally supportive.

No more rewarding role/job than spending more time with your kids. Ignore anyone that tells her otherwise . Family first . Of the two of you are good with the situation - then that is what really matters .

I commend you for your support of your wife during this transition. I’m sure it’s going to be hard on her once she is fully home with the kids, and so having your support will be great. I agree with P1 though. It sounds like she needs some new friends. I’m sure there are other well educated moms at school, etc thar stopped working that she can be friends with.

My Fiancé quit so she could be active in raising her kids and spend time supporting her causes. I fully support it and so do our friends.

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You are the captain of your life. If that’s what is best for you, that’s what you do. Tune out the dissenters. Sometimes you have to explore what’s best for you and if it’s not right then you modify. A good friend will support you!

Amazing how openly judgmental people can be. You don’t need them in your life. Sounds like you and your wife are doing a wonderful thing for your kids which is job 1!!! To heck with everyone else.

My wife made the decision to quit her job and stay home 22 years ago, shortly after I joined PwC as a manager. No regrets, and all of our friends and family were supportive.

Great comments here, also helpful to me personally. If cancel culture is a real thing, it should be directed at the people judging you and your wife. A parent stepping off the ladder to prioritize kids is a truly noble change and should be respected as such.

I agree with Partner 4. I feel like we get judged that my wife works. She likes her job and sure, it’s tough sometimes. We like having the money to do fun things too. But you can tell folks judge when she can’t make the mid week, mid day PTA meeting. Some people just can’t process when you do something different than what they decided.

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