Parents, do you ever regret not having a third kid? I have 2 toddlers and really on the fence about having a 3rd. Raising these 2 was so tough that my husband and I have been separated twice. We are early 30s and very busy with our careers. I’m on track for promotion to Director at big tech and don’t want to take Mat leave at all. I’m also starting my doctorate next year. MY GREATEST FEAR is if anything bad (God forbid) happens to 1 then we’ll be left with just 1 which is too close to 0.

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Please get your marriage strong before having a 3rd

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100% agree and we’re working on it.

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The third child cannot replace a lost child. It is not a one for one.
I have three and it did make a big difference to go from a man to man defense to zone. Being outnumbered can be overwhelming, each kid wants one on one time and has logistical needs that often exceed my human capability.
At this point the older 2 are old enough to play well and the toddler just wants to knock stuff down and mess stuff up. It will get better but this is a hard phase.

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I absolutely believe that 3 is more difficult than 2, and the best way to put it is being outnumbered. My parents had 4 and I loved growing up with my siblings. I’d love a big family but just so worried about the toll it might take on our personal lives and careers. Each and every of these responses has definitely given me something to think about.

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You could consider freezing your eggs.

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F

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So I had two and wanted a third when the youngest was over 5. A friend had a baby around the same time I “didn’t”. I regretted it and for quite some time wished for a third. During a recurrence of gynecological cancer , I mistakenly decided to preserve my fertility in the hopes of one day having a third; I should have made decisions to ensure my first two had their mama around as long as possible.

When my youngest was graduating high school I looked over at my friends who still had a middle schooler to raise and back at my independent self who realized I was now “free”.

Having had my children at a very young age, I finally had my weekends to sleep in, evenings to dine-out and stay up late watching Sons of Anarchy or Weeds, availability to check out the new art gallery exhibit (this is why I moved downtown, wasn’t it?) and the time to take night classes for interest fulfillment.

I no longer had to set the perfect example; a good one or even a semi-responsible example
would be acceptable.

For the first time in my adult life, my desires took priority.

So yes I regretted having a third child until I realized that I was my own third child. 🧖🏼‍♀️

Dropped into children’s group text.. “thank God you have a brother you are almost nothing without him”… you aren’t going to believe this, but both asserted they have significant value without the existence of the other. Op, maybe you could call them and explain it? lol

1 to 2 kids was a huge transition but 2 to 3 was way easier. Yes it means going zone defense instead of man to man but that wasn’t bad. Going 3 to 4 also wasn’t bad.
Based on what you said in your post it’s not that you want another kid for wanting to expand your family and so it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist about your fears because another kid is not going to solve that. That child will be a whole new fear. I will say as a mother of 3 boys and one girl that even though my kids are carbon copies of each other that the loss of one could be replaced by one of their siblings. They are each individuals with their own personalities, talents, strengths, and flaws.

We have 4. They’re all 2 years apart. We wanted at least 3 to begin with. We could’ve had more., sometimes I think I want one more but don’t want to start all over again from the baby stage even though that stage was my fav!

Give yourself a few years. Yes, closer in age has its merits. But if you REALLY want one, you’ll still want one in 3 years. (I had my first later in life and I’m glad I did. I had more patience.) Take care of yourself- eat well, exercise etc- and your marriage so you’re in the right space when you do.

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