{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Recently moved to US. Anyone has any book recommendations to understand cultural differences vs other nations? Having some trouble with this fake niceness and packaging every communication. Thanks !", "post_id": "5d16d0117bfde60020011ce0", "reply_count": 99, "vote_count": 43, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

Recently moved to US. Anyone has any book recommendations to understand cultural differences vs other nations? Having some trouble with this fake niceness and packaging every communication. Thanks !

likefunnysmart
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

I sympathise with you. I moved 6 years ago and still haven’t gotten used to the passive aggressive fake niceness and outwardly (but again fake) indulgence in your life. I left the US a few months ago because I couldn’t take it anymore. But if you are interested in trying, I’d recommend making 1-2 close American friends and getting to know their families well and really getting involved with their lives. It helped some of my friends because you will probably end up choosing the least fake ones and then learn to appreciate the culture more. I’m not sure how much reading a book can help

likeuplifting

Mck1 - I do not think asking for assimilation is asking for red carpet. OP is very genuine on his ask on how to assimilate beyond fake niceness. S2 probably had enough of it. US has not been as welcoming to immigrants as it used to be. Canada on the other hand is far better at treating its immigrants. Also, people shouldn't be drowning or dying in a desert to come to the US. They must be really desperate.

like

I was given “Culture Shock USA” by Esther Wanning when I moved to the US and found it really insightful in both understanding the differences, what drives them and ideas on how to deal/overcome them. Having been here for 6+ years now, I still feel the culture difference but have made some really strong friendships. Helps if you are in transient cities eg NY, SF, CH rather than small towns where it’s difficult to break into already formed friendship groups. In my experience, the relationships I’ve built have been worth the effort and it’s helped to develop my EQ. Wish you the best of luck!!

likehelpful
Recent IconRecent

watch The Office for starter

likefunny

The fact that you think it is ‘fake niceness' is a mistake. It is genuine and something people here grew with. As long as you are open to moulding yourself, in a year or two you will adapt. (Just like accent!)

likefunnyuplifting

It’s fake in the same way that Eastern Europeans are “rude”. The words describe how it feels to us from the other culture but neither is the actual intent, it’s just the cultural norm. There are relatively equal amounts of culture shock going either way.

like

It definitely depends on the region in the US too. Southern cultural norms are different than New York norms, which are different than California norms, which are different than Midwest norms.

like

I have clients across the US with local teams, and I have to adjust my style for every single project team - even within our firm there is a vastly different culture in each office. Everything from demands they make of their people to what is considered acceptable for giving and receiving feedback. It’s wild. Certainly look into cultural reads, but also spend some time reading about and working on your EQ. Most of the time it’s more the ability to read the room/situation and determine how to act accordingly.

like

Best way to understand the fake niceness is to understand how deeply commercial everything is here. We have to sell ourselves to survive... our skills, our appearance, our smile indicating we are pleasant to do business with. Success is mostly measured by how much money you have and superficial, external measures. That said, there are people who defy these generalizations. You will find them if you look hard enough! 👀

likehelpful

I live and grew up in the southwest my parents were from the east coast (blunt - straightforward). I didn’t learn the southern “nice” till I was in my late twenties. OP people are very fragile - your straightforward ways will shatter them. Watch those around you in leadership and learn. If you fail to you will be relegated to the back room and career advancement will be bleak (I know from personal experience). You don’t get many shots before they decide you don’t have the requisite “soft skills”.

likehelpful

Gotten me in trouble more times than I can count and I’m from the Midwest US

I love it how the guy says he is from Ukraine, and gets all the Russian references. Nice cultural sensitivity there

likefunny

S&1 works for the Internet Research Agency

likefunny

Anerican pie

funnylike

??

Ukraine :)

like

I can relate 🇺🇦. Aftet about 3 years in finally got it. But it did certainly slowed me down in my career progression. I'm in NYC btw. The biggest help that I've gotten was from having really honest conversations with my work friends. I don't necessarily take someone's niceness as fakeness. I'm also nice to everyone by default unless there is a good reason to change my attitude. But in a work environment, always separate someone's personality from someone's work. In other words, your team mate is not lazy but they are not diligent with their delivery timelines. 😊 not sure what exact situation triggered your post, text me if anything. P.S. when will people stop bringing up Russia every time Ukraine comes up? 😐

like

Ha, get used to it. They refer to it as a "nice gesture". The sad part is the gesture lasts for a sec and they frown after you pass. Lol

likefunnysmart

Welcome to the US!! I don’t have any books to recommend but feel free to DM me if you have any questions :) 24 F fishy here happy to be a friend

like

Book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie I found it very helpful. Has much of the niceness in it and why.

like

Similar theme - hokey but if you’re a woman it’s a revealing look into southern culture for someone who didn’t grow up there and thinks they’re backwards: “what southern women know (that every woman should)” by Ronda Rich

like

Approaching it as “fake” while considering your origin country’s communication style as “genuine” is a sureshot recipe for failure. You chose to move here, so now it’s your responsibility to figure it out. Be open, pick up the social cues, and you’ll get there in 6 months

like

OP- I’m an immigrant too. And if I may profile you ;), the fact that you tend to drop your articles (“moved to US” vs “moved to the US”) indicates we have the same country of origin 😂....I felt the way you do for exactly one week after moving here, before I did some self reflection....never been a problem since

The legal drinking age is 21...

funnylike

F*ck books. Go meet people

like

To add on... find a small number of people you trust and ask for candid feedback. Ask for their insight into cultural norms if you’re uncertain.

Thank you all!!! Very interesting discussion developed :D was just hoping for a few book titles 😂

likefunny

Welcome to America! You will never get a straight answer.

funnylike

"The Art of the Deal" - Our Lord and Savior Donald Trump

likefunny

Or the holy bible.

like

Check out Geert Hofstede’s website—you can compare Ukraine side-by-side with the US on a few key dimensions

like

Book recommendation: „Americans at work - a guide to the can-do people“ by Craig Storti

like

Related Posts

Any good, recently released book recommendations? Genre: Business, Non-Fiction

likehelpful

Any book recommendations? Some of my favs are Freakonomics and The Big Short

like

Any book recos? I tend to like true crime or thrillers.. something to keep me turning the page. Currently reading Devil in the White City and loving it.

like

Hi! I’m looking for non-fiction book recommendations. Memoirs, self-help, business... anything really 🤗 TIA!

like

Anyone have any book recommendations for real estate investing? There’s a lot of crap out there. Looking for a more serious book for someone who already understands finance and real estate basics.

like

Good nonfiction book recommendations? What are you all reading?

like

Does anyone have personal finance/investment book recommendations for teens?

like

Any good book recommendations, preferably non business related?

like

I’m interested real estate investing (buying my first house this year) and would like to learn more. Does anyone have book recommendations? I can’t decide between flipping or rental income properties but also need to just learn about the whole home buying process.

likehelpful

Book recommendations for using my 3 audible credits? Prefer narrators who aren’t dryer than the Sahara. Would like something business/ consulting related if exists. Also enjoy nonfiction, sci Fi and fantasy

like

Any good non-fiction book recommendations? Some finance ones that I’ve loved are Black Edge, Billion Dollar Whale and Bad Blood.

like

Book recommendations for getting ahead in business or self help !

like

Book recommendations for newly minted managers?

like

Top book recommendations ? Looking to be more well rounded. I am a consultant in the procurement space btw in case anyone has any supply chain book recommendations as well. Self improvement books too!

like

Any book recommendations on becoming a likable / more social and have good conversations type of person? Thanks!

like

Looking for book recommendations (non fiction) - leadership, management or science/world related

like

Book recommendations?

like

Any must-read book recommendations for folks in our field, especially for the younger crowd (e.g. Analysts/Consultants)?

like

Audio book recommendations?

like

Anyone have any good psychology book recommendations? I’m trying to learn more about myself and find psychology interesting.

like

Additional Posts

Doing a short mileage run next month in Chicago, it’s a solo trip. Any tips and recs while I’m there? It’s a weekend

Getting the vaccine tomorrow morning, just hit 17 weeks. SUPER nervous thanks to my conspiracy theorist dad but excited to protect myself and my baby girl!

likeupliftingsmart

Do you usually lie about your current salary when negotiating with a new employer? And by how much, 10% 20%? I resent the fact that I am even being asked. What I currently make is irrelevant.

like

Health question: Does anyone else suffer from nerve pain in their butt/hips from sitting all day? My research tells me it’s piriformis pain. It means my sit bones are irritating my butt muscle, which irritates my sciatic nerve. It can be excruciating and hurt even when I stand. I bought a fancy seat cushion for my office chair, and I have a standing desk. Nothing helps. The pain has been around for about a month. Anyone else?? What did you do?

like

I’m a 1st year prob 1 teacher & I just found out I’m pregnant (due mid-June). Definitely NOT planned and VERY stressed nervous. It’s hard to be happy right now. Advice on telling my principal, etc?

like

In your years of teaching in the public school setting, has anyone ever had students placed in their classroom that have never been to school at all? Help!!

likehelpful

Any ladies here golf? I just bought a home in a golfing/lakeside community and now want to pickup the sport. Any deets on where to but cute golfing outfits/shoes? Tips on getting started? Planning on setting up a few lessons soon…TIA

like

What are your thoughts on jumping soon after promotion/comp increase? Does it automatically burn a bridge?

likehelpful

I know it’s petty of me but I am so jealous of my 8 month old relationship with his grandma! It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong but I wish that he loved me the same way or atleast had similar reaction towards me as well. It’s especially hard because I am FTM, sleep deprived, hormonal and hating my job because it is taking me away from my kid! I try to prioritize (trust me I really really try) but between pumping, managing household and ill health…

like

Hey Mates I'm working in pretty good fintech firm. I'm in my 30s with 2 kids and they are calling everyone to office by January I want remote job and would never want to live in any city again. Wondering which route to opt? 1. Start investing in open source and build a profile, find freelance jobs on upwork/Fiverr Or 2. Start giving interviews in remote jobs. FYI I'm terrible at interviews and spoken communications. Please provide your inputs. I want to work remote with good pay.

like

Is anyone using Social Emotional Learning and Mindfulness in their classroom or school wide? Reading a book (cover attached) and I have so many things to discuss!!!

Post Photo
likeuplifting

My best friend (lives in a different state) had a baby and I feel like we have nothing in common to talk about anymore. 😔 Anyone else been in this situation? (Im not a baby person myself)

like

How do consultants incorporate %’s into resume when you’ve worked on 6481538474 engagements? (All my current bullet points are generalized)

like

How accurate is Glassdoor when it comes to Deloitte Senior Manager salary? How are signing bonuses at that level?

like

Are public sector projects highly competitive to get onto at the different MBB firms? Saw a story today saying that the social sector is <5% of revenue, with some consultants saying...

like

Lately I’m becoming more frustrated that I’ll never be able to buy a house out here despite making a good salary. And with my job, I can’t move somewhere affordable and be fully remote. Anyone else?

like

My laziness the past couple of weeks has me believing I should have been laid off

likefunny

When you have a complaint with an airline and you want to get points, do you call or email them?

Just got an offer at ACN as a Strategy Manager and HR made it clear that parental leave was 2 weeks fully paid for men. Theoretically up until 12 weeks is covered by NY State ($900 weekly). What would you do? Have you seen men take a few months off for parental leave in consulting even if unpaid?

like

Has anyone from MBB worked at the same client where there is one of the big 4 ? How are the dynamics between the two in that engagement?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal