Related Posts
Any good book recommendations?
Conversation Starter
Bowl Leader
What are your book recommendations?
Any book recommendations?
More Posts
Conversation Starter
My post is for a lot of folks here who complain about managers not budging to negotiations and not offering package ,what you are expecting.I have one thing to say,there are lot of ibm employees who moved to kyndryl. Inspite of lot of contributions they are earning meagre salary.Now do you expect these people to hire you for more package most of time the package you are demanding is more than what these managers draw. So pls do not look at kyndryl as any other startup.Thanks.
Additional Posts in Consulting
Chief
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
The fact that you think it is ‘fake niceness' is a mistake. It is genuine and something people here grew with.
As long as you are open to moulding yourself, in a year or two you will adapt. (Just like accent!)
It’s fake in the same way that Eastern Europeans are “rude”. The words describe how it feels to us from the other culture but neither is the actual intent, it’s just the cultural norm. There are relatively equal amounts of culture shock going either way.
I sympathise with you. I moved 6 years ago and still haven’t gotten used to the passive aggressive fake niceness and outwardly (but again fake) indulgence in your life. I left the US a few months ago because I couldn’t take it anymore.
But if you are interested in trying, I’d recommend making 1-2 close American friends and getting to know their families well and really getting involved with their lives. It helped some of my friends because you will probably end up choosing the least fake ones and then learn to appreciate the culture more. I’m not sure how much reading a book can help
Mck1 - I do not think asking for assimilation is asking for red carpet. OP is very genuine on his ask on how to assimilate beyond fake niceness. S2 probably had enough of it. US has not been as welcoming to immigrants as it used to be. Canada on the other hand is far better at treating its immigrants.
Also, people shouldn't be drowning or dying in a desert to come to the US. They must be really desperate.
watch The Office for starter
It definitely depends on the region in the US too. Southern cultural norms are different than New York norms, which are different than California norms, which are different than Midwest norms.
I have clients across the US with local teams, and I have to adjust my style for every single project team - even within our firm there is a vastly different culture in each office. Everything from demands they make of their people to what is considered acceptable for giving and receiving feedback. It’s wild.
Certainly look into cultural reads, but also spend some time reading about and working on your EQ. Most of the time it’s more the ability to read the room/situation and determine how to act accordingly.
Best way to understand the fake niceness is to understand how deeply commercial everything is here. We have to sell ourselves to survive... our skills, our appearance, our smile indicating we are pleasant to do business with. Success is mostly measured by how much money you have and superficial, external measures.
That said, there are people who defy these generalizations. You will find them if you look hard enough! 👀
I live and grew up in the southwest my parents were from the east coast (blunt - straightforward). I didn’t learn the southern “nice” till I was in my late twenties. OP people are very fragile - your straightforward ways will shatter them. Watch those around you in leadership and learn. If you fail to you will be relegated to the back room and career advancement will be bleak (I know from personal experience). You don’t get many shots before they decide you don’t have the requisite “soft skills”.
Gotten me in trouble more times than I can count and I’m from the Midwest US
I love it how the guy says he is from Ukraine, and gets all the Russian references. Nice cultural sensitivity there
S&1 works for the Internet Research Agency
Anerican pie
??
Ukraine :)
I can relate 🇺🇦. Aftet about 3 years in finally got it. But it did certainly slowed me down in my career progression. I'm in NYC btw. The biggest help that I've gotten was from having really honest conversations with my work friends. I don't necessarily take someone's niceness as fakeness. I'm also nice to everyone by default unless there is a good reason to change my attitude. But in a work environment, always separate someone's personality from someone's work. In other words, your team mate is not lazy but they are not diligent with their delivery timelines. 😊 not sure what exact situation triggered your post, text me if anything.
P.S. when will people stop bringing up Russia every time Ukraine comes up? 😐
Here’s an article (with some links to other articles) about differences between American and Russian culture:
https://sites.psu.edu/global/2014/11/14/327/
As far as books on American culture in general, here’s one list of popular books in that category:
https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/american-culture
Ha, get used to it. They refer to it as a "nice gesture". The sad part is the gesture lasts for a sec and they frown after you pass. Lol
Welcome to the US!! I don’t have any books to recommend but feel free to DM me if you have any questions :) 24 F fishy here happy to be a friend
Book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
I found it very helpful. Has much of the niceness in it and why.
Similar theme - hokey but if you’re a woman it’s a revealing look into southern culture for someone who didn’t grow up there and thinks they’re backwards: “what southern women know (that every woman should)” by Ronda Rich
Approaching it as “fake” while considering your origin country’s communication style as “genuine” is a sureshot recipe for failure. You chose to move here, so now it’s your responsibility to figure it out. Be open, pick up the social cues, and you’ll get there in 6 months
OP- I’m an immigrant too. And if I may profile you ;), the fact that you tend to drop your articles (“moved to US” vs “moved to the US”) indicates we have the same country of origin 😂....I felt the way you do for exactly one week after moving here, before I did some self reflection....never been a problem since
The legal drinking age is 21...
F*ck books. Go meet people
To add on... find a small number of people you trust and ask for candid feedback. Ask for their insight into cultural norms if you’re uncertain.
Thank you all!!! Very interesting discussion developed :D was just hoping for a few book titles 😂
Welcome to America! You will never get a straight answer.
"The Art of the Deal"
- Our Lord and Savior Donald Trump
Or the holy bible.
Check out Geert Hofstede’s website—you can compare Ukraine side-by-side with the US on a few key dimensions
Book recommendation: „Americans at work - a guide to the can-do people“ by Craig Storti