We have frozen embryos and have the luxury of being able to afford surrogate. Is it worth it or is there any benefit for me trying to get pregnant at 40 for the 1st time? Any benefits beyond saving the cost of surrogacy? Any downsides on using a surrogate beyond cost?

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Zero data here, but my personal opinion is that carrying your child is an incredible experience. Missing out on that because you can't carry is one thing. But I wouldn't be worried about being 40. Many women are getting pregnant at 40+. I'm about to do another transfer at 38.

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Pregnancy is an amazing journey and so much of the bonding starts in pregnancy. Even though it’s hard I would not want to go through life having never experienced it. Only reason I’d personally use a surrogate is if I couldn’t get pregnant myself.

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If you have viable embryos, then you’ve done the hardest part of getting pregnant. I got pregnant via IVF at 40 and had my daughter at 41. I cannot explain how much I felt like I knew her before I ever laid eyes on her. And then when I saw her for the first time…I still can’t talk about that moment without tearing up. For the first 2 months of her life, almost every move she made, I thought “I know what it feels like when you do that inside me” or “Ooooh…that’s what she was doing at 3:00 in the morning!” It’s incredible. And she knew me too. I was and am her home base. She knows my voice and my scent and how I move. I think having carried her myself has made mothering and soothing her so much easier.

If your body cannot support a healthy pregnancy, then by all means, investigate surrogacy. But don’t worry about the discomfort of pregnancy (it’s over quick and I don’t even remember it and my daughter is only 3 months old) or the pain of childbirth (I had a scheduled c-section with a QL block and had the quickest recovery of any of my friends - highly recommend).

Best of luck. Sending you baby dust.

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I was also very anxious about becoming pregnant at 35 and everything was fine. My age and weight warranted some extra doc appointments and tests but even with an unplanned c section (which was tough in the moment) all came out well. Your body was designed for this and modern medicine is there to make it much safer. Good luck and you got this!!!!

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I looked into surrogacy for medical reasons. The final decision is about much more than money. I recommend looking for stories from women who experienced it (both parents and surrogates) to fully understand what you might be getting into and how much it could cost. The total cost depends on so many variables- you’re watching someone else go through IVF with your embryos, so think of everything that could go wrong and multiply it several times over. Cost aside, if you have control issues, trust issues, or very specific preferences for how you’d want pregnancy or childbirth to happen, then surrogacy may not be for you.

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We can afford a surrogate. I was thinking of that route bc I’m terrified of pregnancy and complications. I did some research and there is significant bonding trauma that an infant experiences when taken from a biological mother, so I’m likely going to try myself to avoid that. Of course, if surrogacy is the only option, one works with the cards dealt, and plenty of surrogate children become happy adults.

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Many surrogates are not the biological mother. Gestational surrogates only carry a child that is either the true mother’s or a donor egg mom.

I'm 41, and I just completed a FET cycle; I'm scared of putting my body through pregnancy because of my back pain and other health issues, So if I had the means, I would have looked for a surrogate. However, age does not impact the implantation rate if you are healthy; your embryos are genetically tested, and eggs are retrieved when you are younger. If you want to experience pregnancy, go for it.

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Hi! Just sharing my personal experience here. My husband and I originally froze our embryos because of our age with the hope of moving forward with IVF when the time was right. Long story short, I wasn’t able to carry a successful pregnancy myself so we decided to go the surrogacy route. Having frozen embryos was incredibly helpful in making that transition.

If I had been able to carry I absolutely would have— even now at 43. That’s just my personal perspective but I completely understand weighing all the factors including both the financial and emotional aspects. Whatever path you choose, I hope it brings you peace and joy! 💕

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Thanks all! I will try to carry for baby #1 and we will likely do surrogacy for any subsequent babies (if any)

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I think about it sometimes. If I could afford it, I might. I don’t know that my body is up for labor if we do get pregnant.

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