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Have you ever taken a pay cut? Do you regret it?
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When he wants s*x* time, say you'll do it tomorrow.
This has worked well for me TBH. 😂 you want some fun? Better do the dishes.
Hire a house cleaner. Don’t go out for a couple dinners to pay for it. It’s life changing
I bought the Fair Play cards where you go through every tasks over dinner and allocate the tasks and agree on a base level of care. We ended up not going through them because I think seeing the volume of tasks and computing how much I do got my partner into gear!
That definitely comes down to communication! I would sit down and discuss that physical time for chores can impede how much you can actually physically do, although I’ve got to say I’m working and commuting similar hours and I still do more than my fair share. What works for us won’t work for everyone though so discussing it openly and practically would be my advice. Also consider outsourcing - get a cleaner, get your clothes picked up for washing etc
Hire a man as a house cleaner! He will change.
KPMG1 the same thing happens with my wife!
Do you do his stuff for him? If so stop so he knows what you do. Only do your laundry, cook your food, etc.
Also when you mop show him how filthy the water is when you dump it out. Ask him if he thinks that the floor was clean still.
I realized that when we do things without sharing, our partners become complacent because everything just “works”. They don’t see the effort. Gotta stop or show or do both.
Just worry about your stuff let his stuff sit there. Don’t do his laundry. Just leave it there no matter how much it frustrates you and aggravates you that it’s going to stay there he needs to learn.
Stop doing anything for a month. Don’t be passive aggressive about it, though - tell him you are going to stop doing all the stuff you normally do so he can see what it looks like when a home is not maintained and what is necessary to keep it up to the standard you both prefer.
What is the big deal? Unless you’re tracking in mud and dirt just broom sweep the floors and call it a day. You want to mop then mop.
P1 not everyone can afford to outsource work.
People only start keeping score when they’ve been consistently taken advantage of by someone else. Asking for someone to pull their own weight so there is some equality is important. If marriage was a business, would you let your team member put off projects to the point that you have to do them all or would you have a performance review?
Tell him how you feel and set expectations. Don’t do stuff for him if he doesn’t do it in a timely manner.
Ask him why he isn’t helping. Communication is key
AKA chore chart and couples therapy
This was me until I realized stuff needed to get done. Now we have a very happy household :)
Meme: https://www.facebook.com/reel/807047881075955?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v
Tell him a guy from work will do it instead of him, and you’ll let him into the house.
My husband is more clean than me often and I have found there is room to compromise. It’s important to sorta see both perspectives. Sometimes if I am really busy I need time to decompress and would rather skip some chores to find the time and for him it’s important the house be clean to decompress. But you can find a compromise with good communication and empathy. For example: He likes dishes done immediately, I’m a within 24h kind of girl. And struggle when I work from home to have a restful lunch and also clean dishes. So we have a conversation “hey I’m really tired I’ll definitely do the dishes but can it be tomorrow morning or after dinner” or he might say “I’d really like a clean kitchen tonight can you do ur dishes sooner rather than later”. We both find a happy medium most of the time. I would say it’s about defining what compromises you can both live with then making sure that that compromised level of cleanliness is achieved through 50%/50% contribution. It won’t work if the compromise is you do slightly less cleaning of everything lol. But that contribution could be him doing it or him paying someone to do it IMO.
I think there’s two issues going on here: (1) difference in cleanliness standards; and (2) he turned you down when you asked for help. I don’t know how to resolve (1) because my husband and I haven’t had to deal with that in our marriage. That said, one of the best pieces of marriage advice that I received is “If you’re the one who sees the dirty dishes and wants them clean, don’t resent your spouse for not doing them but be the one to do them.” My husband has ADHD, so I see a lot of dirty diapers in places that they shouldn’t be, clothes strewn all over the house, and empty jugs in the fridge (like why???). But I just pick and clean up because I’m the one that sees them. I definitely get frustrated, but try to honestly communicate my feelings in a manner that’s devoid of criticism and complaint, and make a reasonable request so that he knows how to help me not feel that way.
It seems like you did make a request here, but he rejected it. I’m interested to know how you made such request and why he rejected it. I know you said he said that the floors look clean already, but does that mean he thought you were doing something unnecessary? If so, have you tried explaining to him that even though they look clean, you think that we should try to mop at least once a month but it’s been over a month since we’ve mopped? Then it can become a discussion of when to do what when so that everyone is comfortable with what’s going on. If this is indeed the case, you can explain how it’s overwhelming to clean by yourself for so and so reason and how it’d mean a lot to you if he could help you out.