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How much would you give to this child 😏😉😊
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Hi Fishes,
Urgent Suggestions Needed...
1. Capgemini :12 LPA(Fixed)
2. Cognizant : 12.5 LPA(0.5 Variable) + JB
3. KPMG India :13 LPA(1.25 Variable) + Some JB
Need some Suggestions from Fishes who already aware of the work culture in these Firms.
YOE : 3 Years
Tech stack : ServiceNow
Thanks in advance🙂
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The substances have a lot more to do with it then you realize. Alcohol is a depressive and weed can hold you back if you don’t moderate. If you’re already vulnerable to depression and anxiety, you need to reevaluate your lifestyle and make some changes to address this while you’re still in your adult adolescent phase. Both are addictive and if you center your life around anything then that’s one of the first things to address.
I have had severe anxiety and depression and things could have gone differently if I didn’t have the right support. I’m 20 years ahead of you and I promise there is always something to look forward to that you don’t realize.
Leave consulting if that’s what’s causing you grief, you’re young and adaptable and can find a different line or work. The point is, you’re just starting out and your already escaping reality with substances.
Well reading your response has got me feeling better about my average self, I was always jealous of people who seemed to make it far on their careers in college. But definitely recommend getting off substances - one day at a time, try to do something like a gratitude journal or take a walk. Sounds silly but believe me it helps, it's a healthier habit instead of escaping to substances
Weed decreases your window of distress tolerance so if you're already a person struggling with these things in general, it's literally the greatest way to make your problem worse.
Get a new therapist. Vet them out and when you settle on one that's good, ask for a round of CBT and then DBT.
Long term + what you gain from CBT/DBT: you need to stay on top of emotional regulation and breaking up the loop of catastrophizing.
Getting laid more isn't gonna do anything except add bodies to your brewing problems.
CBT is about poking holes into underlying, automatic thoughts / thought patterns.
DBT is about behavioral adjustments. Knowing the thoughts and how to thwart them is a start while learning productive ways to adjust behaviors (and what behaviors o adjust over to) will anchor the change even more effectively.
This is why I recommended them. Whether it's socialization or something that's happened to you, you need to figure out your thinking patterns and have support as you evolve to new patterns.
Laying off weed and booze is a great start.
I do think you need to continue therapy and follow through w the getting off of weed and alcohol. But that may not 100% be enough either.
What you describe does seem to be from years of feeling insecure and maybe somewhat socially isolated. In my teens and 20s I knew men who felt like you do. And a lot of their issues were not really resolved unless they made bigger changes and really tried uncomfortable things. I think it’s great you’re really trying and are going to therapy even if you don’t feel it working yet. This shows willingness to change and improve, unlike them. The men I know gained more temporary confidence when they got girlfriends and then when they later got engaged to said cute girlfriends. But the truth is that once they hit the having kids stage, they were back to being resentful and isolated and unhappy if they hadn’t done deeper work. The women made them feel in the short term that they “had it together” or were attractive and interesting enough to warrant the attention of a cute girl. But that kind of affirmation didn’t last if they didn’t do internal work.
The key I think is finally getting over what people think of you. It’s good to seek out social bonds but if you are so desperate for them or always think in high school terms of being “cool” or “popular” you’re going to send yourself down a path where you’re pursuing things because of how it’s going to make you look in the eyes of other people. You’re trying to feel good enough either in their eyes or compared to peers. And it’s an empty, worthless pursuit. It will always bother you if you don’t find confidence in your inner self and focus on other pursuits. I would start thinking about goals and interests you have for yourself and your life that aren’t about people or career. And being focusing more of your time into those. That will help you build confidence naturally that you are someone who is interesting and full as a person yourself, even if no one specifically notices that.
Always wanted to learn to play an instrument? Do it. Wanted to try tennis? Get an instructor and join a group. Wanted to try pottery? Try that. Climbing? Go for it. Half marathon? You get the idea. I would spend some time investing in yourself in hobbies and things that are not work or going out w friends/acquaintances. You might develop internal confidence in yourself that you can go out and do all these fun things and that you’re doing it for no one but yourself. Maybe you’ll meet some friends in time and have more interesting things to talk ok when you do as well. But the goal isn’t even to meet friends doing these things but just to invest in rounding yourself and developing your own confidence.
Also there is this Amazon movie call “Brittany runs a marathon” that I recommend. It’s about this approach of building confidence based around a new hobby or goal and it’s inspiring
Rising Star
Sorry to be blunt, you need to get laid more
That could be true, I don’t have a healthy sex life. I haven’t had sex since July 4th with a random ons from a pool party and I’m not really attracted to the girl I’m talking to and I feel that she feel the same way but I feel that I’m only talking to her because she is the only girl in recent times who I’ve went out with multiple times and has shown real interest towards me without any games. I feel that, based on past experiences, I’ve been able to attract the girls that I find attractive when I’m in a mentally sound state.
How was your childhood? You might have complex PTSD. Read up about it and the polyvagal therapy. Look up exercises by Peter Levine on YouTube.
E, but I constantly feel depressed, always in a desperate mode with girls and friends and end up stuttering, not commanding attention when I speak etc…, I am always angry and stressed for no reason, I have trouble sleeping. My next step is to quit alcohol and weed, as that’s what I feel I have to do to get into the mode where I’m the most socially calibrated now a days. I’ve spent time seeing a therapist for a whole summer but it did not help.
What book do you recommend ?
I feel this. Have you tried Toastmasters? The more you try speaking in front of people / holding attention, the lower stakes it will feel each time.
That does help a lot, I find my self running out of breathe during conversation and I noticeably sweat profusely when talking.
“Can’t hurt me” David Goggins