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8 years sober today! I love AA.
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I’ve been sober 6 years. My wife is a heavy drinker, drinks around me all the time. I kept all my friends, who are heavy drinkers, and still go to bars and do boozy guys weekends. I’m lucky enough to not care about other people drinking, so it’s never been an issue. I realized the first day that this is all on me. What happens around me is gonna happen, I’m the one who chooses to drink. It’s not like I drank because of other people, so why would other people have any impact on me not drinking. My issues, my drinking. I was hyper aware of making people uncomfortable. Sounds harsh, but people are only uncomfortable if you are making them uncomfortable. Of course, all this is contingent on you actually feeling comfy with people drinking. Not all alcoholics are like that. But I honestly believe it’s possible, no matter who you are. Just gotta work on yourself.
I was surprised that I actually didn’t lose any friends. If anything, people like me more because I’m not such a damn mess. I’m dating someone who drinks, but not often. I’m comfortable being around other people drinking so it’s not a problem.
First and foremost, keep in mind that everyone’s situation is different, and what might work for someone else might not work for you. I learned that the hard way with many, many relapses.
My fiancé drinks, but we don’t keep it in the house. It’s just not something I’m comfortable with, even 3+ years sober, and thankfully he doesn’t mind. As for friends... drinking always loosened me up around people enough to break through my crippling social anxiety, so the only “friendships” I lost were those that centered on drinking, which I realized later on is fine by me (and by “lost” I mean fell out of touch with because I was no longer hanging around the same bars anymore. I have personally not had many instances - that I know of - where my not drinking made someone uncomfortable). I have a smaller, closer knit circle of friends now, and I’m more comfortable leaning into the hermit life that I kind of always wanted. I go out, sure, but I don’t feel as forced to put on airs and make myself go out on a Friday night if I’d rather stay in and paint or read. There’s a lot of freedom that comes with sobriety, but it took me a long time to see it that way. I hope you get there, I’ll be rooting for you.
Agree w Digitas 1 about it being up to you. The key for me is being honest with myself about what makes me comfortable and what doesn’t. During my first year I didn’t attend any bars or drinking events for the first 3-4 months, then eventually I’d go if there was a legitimate reason for me to be there-a close friends birthday, a work event, etc. I also would talk about it in meetings and call AA members for support before and after. It helped a lot.
It is a real head trip in the beginning. But, I would be more concerned about your wife than your friends honestly, from what you say. Her health will go down the tubes exponentially as time goes on.