Related Posts
Ping him directly for more info
Conversation Starter
Anonymous User
More Posts
Conversation Starter
Anyone in the Houston area?
I just get paid in production company lunches
Chief
Additional Posts in 30s & 40s Singles
Literally every “dating” app in los angeles
Anyone in SF/ San Jose? f25
Conversation Starter
Anonymous User
Any ladies 30 and above wanna talk?
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
I see it completely the opposite. 1) not all women want to screen out casual relations. 2) asking someone what they’re looking for is an act of interest and engagement. It’s you assigning negative emotions to it by assuming she’s looking for a reason to cross you off a list. 3) if this woman is as self aware as many 40+ women are, perhaps she’s trying to be generous to you by saving you time in the event she is not the type of woman you’re looking for.
I ask and answer this question all the time. App dating is not for the weak, and I have no problem telling a guy if he’s looking for someone that doesn’t sound like me, that it may not be a fit. You’d be better off assuming positive intent in these situations and answering the question truthfully. Anecdotally— it’s very telling when a man doesn’t have an answer for this kind of question. If you do want to build a connection with her, seems to me the first step to getting there is speaking honestly and directly about real life topics.
Seems like it worked well on you because look at you here stamping your foot over a legit question about long term or short term compatibility
I didn’t think your response was aggressive at all. You just explained where she is probably coming from with that question. I have all sorts of things I say to see if a man is triggered. Probably will add this one to the list. 😎
SVP, Thank you for your response.
Please don't judge me when you don't know me. You are doing EXACTLY what you are accusing me of - judging someone based on 1 question.
Also, read my message again. I didn't say I dont have a response to the question. I know exactly what I'm looking for. My post was about someone asking this question as their 2nd message.
You don't go to a business meeting and ask a client about what help they are looking for as your first or second question. There are some pleasantries exchanged to establish a rapport. Same applies to online dating.
Regardless, I appreciate your input. And ageeed on not "assuming" intent based on question.
I wasn’t referring to you when I mentioned people not answering the question. That was sourced from some of the gentlemen I’ve personally encountered over the years. Also, I don’t disagree with you about pleasantries. It just gets to be a lot when you’re talking about surface level topics with multiple people at the same time. I prefer to skip to the real talk and figure out if we have a genuine connection. Would rather people ask me what is important to me in a relationship vs how did I feel about the weather over the weekend any day.
ETA— I probably would ask my client what they’re looking for in the second question, so maybe this is a different strokes for different folks situation ;)
Like at this point, can I even use dating apps if I can't ask a simple question like "what are you looking for" without it turning ppl off?
Pls read my post again. I didn't suggest one can't. You absolutely should. My point was asking this as a second question when the first message exchange was a 1 liner from her side.
To everyone who was crediting the woman for asking the "what are you looking for" question upfront, she went silent on me foe the past 2 days and most likely will ghost from all indications.
My response was that I was looking for an LTR but that I recognize it's not easy, so I accept what the universe throws my way in the process. As an fyi, her profile says she wants a serious relationship.
Whether my response resonated with her or not, a mature 40 something F wouldn't ghost. Anyway, this falls in the bucket of me accepting what the universe throws my way. Plenty Iof fish in the sea.
The implication by saying that it is rude is that you are owed a response. But you are not. It isn’t rude, it’s a reality of online dating. You get a bunch of matches and maybe 20% of them result in meaningful conversation and 10% or less end up in a date. I hate online dating as much as the next woman, but you cannot and should not expect responses from everyone.
PM1, Can you clarify what part of my message said that she "owes" me anything?
Also, I'm curious why my response comes across as that of a player? Can you elaborate? Are you expecting me to articulate the specific attributes that I want from a partner through messaging? To me, that's a phone or in-person conversation. She has invested in a 1 line response so far, that's it. Also, I truly approach dating the way I said I do. I'm ok if I meet someone and it doesn't go anywhere for whatever reason. Doesn't make me a player.
Pro
I said makes you sound like. I have no idea what kind of person you are, but if I received your response on an app I would think this guy is just wanting to hook up because your response to me read like: I’m looking for a long term relationship, but I will also take literally anything I can get as well.
when I was still on the apps, I would get asked this alllll the time by guys as well, so it goes both ways. Most guys ask this because they are just looking for a hookup (and they know this before meeting in person)
I would just reply with an honest answer. I usually say something along the lines of "I am ultimately looking for a partner, but I know that takes time to build that level of commitment"
I guess women are looking for men. And maybe some help with PowerPoint
Too old to be wasting time so cut to the chase I guess