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What's your date of Jalsa??
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The "AITA" prompt doesn't seem right for this question. And there were quite a few details that I don't think were necessary for this post. Overall, focus on you and your relationship and household. Your mother's man is her concern. It would be great if you and he could have a positive relationship, but him not being an active part of your life should not really affect you. So long as he treats your mom well, I don't see what more you are seeking from him in your life.
I'll also add that if you are going to feel a way about anyone, it should be your mom. As you mentioned, you and your siblings come 2nd to her relationships with men. If you care too, maybe confront her on HER disregard of her children. But, based on what I can feel from your post, and as I've stated previously, focus on yourself. I know it's easier said than done, but I'd work towards that with full steam.
Rising Star
I honestly thought you were going to ask AITA for wanting your mom to visit you alone without him lol.
My mom remarried late in life and I’m cordial with the guy but don’t expect anything from him other than that he treats my mom well.
Is your mom visiting you independently without him or is he holding her back from coming?
Rising Star
Oh ok. Yeah I’d focus on your relationship with your mother and no focus on building a relationship with him.
Maybe your mom feels guilty from her previous relationship allegedly hurting your sister and not giving you the attention that was needed as a child. Also your mom and her new man may want to establish boundaries and make sure y’all relationship is good.
You're not an asshole for feeling annoyed, but PHS1 is right. You'll probably be more at peace if you don't expect anything from this man. Your relationship with your mother exists outside of him.
So I’ve been living in the southwest for 3 years and my mom hasn’t visited. She’s now making a trip to come visit next year. I asked if he was coming and he said he’ll come when my bf and I are married (we’ve been together almost 6 years and bought a house) and then he said he’d come when his youngest daughter settles down (she’s in the entertainment industry, so that’ll be a while) and then my mom said he just likes to work a lot.
AITA for feeling a little annoyed that he doesn’t want to visit and at that point it will be 4 years that we’ve lived here? Also, I don’t really “know” him and it makes me feel like my mom doesn’t care whether we know him or not. I want her to be happy but I feel like we are always second to a man…
You are not the AH for feeling how you feel, although I would say your feelings seem misplaced. It seems like your issue is with your mom and her apparent lack of interest in visiting and making you (and your siblings) a priority.