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Been there. A good & easy first move is subscribing to the age old advice to drink a full glass of water between every drink. You’re still socializing the same amount of time
Rising Star
I used to be like this. I had a really hard time stopping drinking once I started. Like you, I would only drink on weekends with friends or on Thursdays when we all went out. But I drank way too much when I did drink. I would black out at times and did some stuff I wasn’t proud of. I never craved alcohol or wanted it while I wasn’t drinking.
I eventually just quit drinking completely and was sober for about 6 years. When I started drinking again I was in a completely different point in my life. I was married and settled and just happier and healthier (physically and mentally). I can have a single glass of wine and call it a night. I have a “normal” relationship with it now.
I stopped drinking not long after law school. I didn’t enjoy it enough to deal with the way I felt the next day. I never really “liked” it in any event. I initially hung out with the same group. I didn’t find much social pressure to drink. Some people would ask and I’d just say I wasn’t drinking. People might ask why and I’d just say I didn’t feel like it and that was almost always it. By my mid 20s I wasn’t too concerned about what others thought, and especially not people who were drinking their faces off regularly. I pretty quickly learned that it was fairly boring to hang out with drinkers if you’re not drinking so I found different social groups and things to do. That’s been about 20 years. I might have a sip now and then but it’s not something I miss at all, and it’s all for the better since I have hard core alcoholics in my family tree. I still have friends sitting in the same bars they were sitting in at 22. It’s actually pretty sad to me.
YES. I realized this this year. It doesn’t help that drinking is SO normalized ecp during the pandemic. Personally I started using alcohol as a slight coping mechanism - lots of casual wine drinking during the weekday. Gained a bit of weight. realized this is not how I want to live my life at all and I don’t want to be a future parent that does this. I’m only 24 but I already know that if I make changes now it will help in the future. I also live in a a city so it’s hard not to do things that don’t involve drinking or eating ecp in the winter.
Personally, I don’t drink anymore during the weekdays. I also muted a lot of peoples instagrams that constantly show them constantly binge drinking or normalizing. I have friends in the wine industry and also had to mute them bc all their feed was just them drinking wine and calling it a hobby ( also the same people that complain about having terrible sleep and no energy)
1. No drinking by myself ( I live by myself and have no one to “check” myself)
2. No drinking during the weekdays
3. Make notes on how much you drink around certain people and places ( I drink more when im hanging out with boring friends/coworkers, when I’m at clubs I feel uncomfortable at etc.) Minimize this.
4. Figure out if moderation or completely cutting out is right for you - ex. I can moderate when I’m with people. I can’t when I’m by myself
5. So this might be a friend basis but if I don’t feel like drinking I don’t really mention it to anyone - I just quietly sip on one drink or just distract by having good conversations - sometimes when you start bringing up stuff about alcohol and sobering up ecp in your early 20s people get uncomfortable lol ( it might be bc more people than you think might be in your shoes but too afraid of losing their social life) at the worst I will say I have to go to the gym or grab brunch in the morning and can’t get wasted tonight. Be someone who can be fun sober and nobody will bat an eye :)
Yes the third point is so important and Sadly for a while made me a loner. I just was over drinking because I never was really having fun or was around negative/boring people and friends who I was outgrowing in life and interests. ( basically numbing myself). Not all my friends are like this I have plenty of friends that I can grab bottomless brunch with but also have sober fun hangouts with.
Same thing with environment. I personally like to day drink (Brunch), house parties and basically more intimate settings where you can talk to people. I hate clubs bc of the creepy older men and honestly the lack of conversation ( you can’t hear anything) and used to have a friend group that always dragged me. I was always so over it and felt like I needed to drink just to do something
I always was socially anxious and used alcohol to be “fun” until I realized well either I need to build a more fun sober personality ( done through confidence, being more aware of the world self worth) or I have to be perpetually drunk ( see how dumb the ladder sounds..). I want people to see my authentic self not just the funny drunk version of me.
I started taking edibles and it cut down on my booze consumption dramatically
Leo McGarry (fictional character and alcoholic) once said “I don’t want a drink, I want ten drinks” and “don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table.” I cut out alcohol altogether, I didn’t see any other way for me
I had the same issue, and had the same “well, it’s just this phase of life” thoughts as you. I found that the passage of time didn’t help me moderate. I just found people who drank like me. Cut to today and I’m 9 years sober. I’ve also found that people who wonder if they have a problem innately know they probably have a problem.
Yup. A few months after graduating I swapped alcohol for the gym for a month when the age old advice of alternating didn’t work. Incentivized as I saved so much money haha the fancy gym membership paid for itself.
Since then, I went ~6 months barely drinking and slowly reintroduced it. I legit get drunk now off of 1-2 drinks. I have found that my tolerance has substantially changed. Before, I wouldn’t feel drunk until I had had wayyy to much and now I feel drunk after 1-2 drinks. Now it’s easier for me to moderate it because I feel it so quickly.
Also, reminding yourself you are not like your friends.
Your body is more important than socializing with people who don't respect your need to be healthy.
Go out, don't drink. Or don't go out or tell your friends you're cutting back and ask to have sober hangouts once in a while.
Your body is more important.
Your body is more important.
I was married to someone with this same issue. It became incredibly toxic and things were done and said that shouldn’t have been. It became too emotionally abusive going through the same phases every few months of him drinking excessively, embarrassing himself or me in any number of ways, apologizing and saying it would never happen again....
After we divorced he joined AA and hasn’t had a drink in over 5 years. I would never date someone with a drinking problem again. It can change you fundamentally. I urge you to keep it in check as my ex started off just like you. He just never got a handle on it until it was too late to salvage our reLationship.
If you can’t stop at 1 then stop at none. Or find friends who stop at one. Believe me it’s better not to drink then to binge drink and worry about the effects of it.
I just made myself the DD. I’ll have 1-3 drinks over the 2-3 hours and can just tell me I can’t do shots or a lot because I’m driving.
Love SM1’s story. I’m a guy and I feel I can connect with some of what she shared. Believe we have a false or dangerous perspective, or even excuses, on what drinking alcohol means. Examples: “It helps with dealing with any social or awkward situations”, “Everyone has a drink, I need to always have a drink in hand”, “Bob just had 5 drinks, how many have I had 3?, should I keep up?”, “I like this feeling, let’s get another drink”.
At least for me, I realized 2 things... (1) I need to have water between my drinks or else I get to the point where I’m quenching my thirst with alcohol because a drink is a drink. When I don’t do this, this is when regrettable experiences have a high chance of occurring. (2) When I learned more of who I am and have become comfortable with that fact / truth, understanding what makes me happy, I am able to really drink and enjoy alcohol in my own terms. I don’t need anyone to understand why I had one drink, or why I left half a glass of wine on the table. I might have done it to take the edge off of being “on the job” for 12 hours. I wanted the flavor of an old fashion to add a bit of bitter sweetness in my taste to change up my emotional state of mind and experience. Or just because I don’t feel like getting too buzzed or from being too buzzed to becoming drunk with more drinks.
Drink for the right reasons and only you can define the right reasons for yourself. If you can’t do that then abstaining is always a good choice.
You are still at that age when the perceived social pressure to drink is huge. I found it really difficult to manage in my early twenties. Now that I’m in my thirties I truly don’t have a taste for alcohol most of the time but when I do it’s extremely enjoyable and I have a good time.
I’m in the same situation! I didn’t drink at home, only when going out and then just couldn’t stop (usually blacking out).
I started working out and setting fitness goals (run a race, be able to do X burpees consecutively, work up the nerves to take super hard studio classes, etc.) and training for those put me in a, “I have something to do tomorrow” mindset. So instead of drinking excessively, I was cognizant of my water intake while drinking and my need for full nights of sleep overrode my need to continue drinking.
I also got in the habit of asking for soda water with lime in a cocktail glass. Sounds silly, but it looks like a vodka soda and you don’t get pressured for not drinking (especially useful when out with coworkers).
This is also not the case with everyone, but as soon as I turned 27, hangovers just hit different. Low key debilitating — was less interested in excessive drinking.
Now it’s a very rare, usually planned “I’m getting wild tonight” affair and more casual/minimal drinking. My body just isn’t craving it, but still enjoys a good drink every now and then.
I’m struggling with this too. I’ve managed to keep drinking to one day per week but legitimately, that one day, involves more than 1 bottle of wine, almost 2.
This is also why I stop drinking
I’m the same way, I can say no until I say yes. I try to start the evening with fizzy water and lime (looks and feels like a drink in my hands) and after an hour or so, I get a drink if I still feel the needs. It’s easier than a glass of water in between (because I just wanna rage once I get that taste). Sometimes I delay it so much that the drunk people annoy me and I don’t feel inclined at all.
I also started ordering whiskey neat when I’m on a work dinner (pre-covid) because I don’t like shots so I’ll drink it slowly.
For me, it’s all about putting barriers in the way.
Following* in the same boat as well, thanks for posting it :)
I spent years in school and after college with that behavior/mindset. It started to phase out in my late 20s after a few years of prioritizing health/fitness during mid 20s. Turned 31 and am still now phasing it out - probably at 80/20 (eg only 20% of the time I drink do I end up binge drinking).
My advice: find a way to prioritize health/wellness more in your life and then give it time to phase out over a period of years (I’d say any ‘cold turkey’ technique here will be lower likelihood of success)
Enthusiast
I’ve done a few rounds of Whole30, so I became comfortable eating and drinking differently than my friends. I picked the places to go that I’d be most comfortable with. I didn’t mind going out & sipping on seltzer with lime. What surprised me the most was how often people needed to justify their choices. If I’m deciding not to drink right now, that doesn’t mean I’m judging your choices. 🤷♀️
I cannot drink normally but still try. Best thing to do is stop completely when it’s touch and go for long periods of time.