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Just came from a salatul janazah.. 😢 😔 😞
Rising Star
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Be kind to yourself, and work your way out of it. I know it’s easier said than done but don’t worry about what people will say. May Allah make things easy for you.
OP I with a narcissist for a year and a half. It also started during covid (contributed to me being blinded to alot of red flags) and I was more sure I would marry this person than anything else. I am thankful that I didnt, but leaving was the most difficult decision I made. Especially when the person has childhood trauma, because you can justify all of their toxic behavior in your head, and you want to be there for the person. I want to share some of my lessons with you, but I also understand each situation is subjective. Explanations are not excuses. As adults we are responsible for addressing our trauma and facilitating our growth. And for the person on the receiving end of narcissistic behavior, you must realize that understanding does not need to translate to acceptance. You can empathize and feel for your partner while still recognizing that you deserve a healthy relationship. Another thing, please listen to your gut. Its difficult when everyone in their world (besides their siblings) do not see their toxic traits. Sometimes you might feel crazy. But realize that friendships are mutually beneficial. Both people generally want to be there. You only interact in specific capacities. Partnerships are different. So while people in their world may not agree with what you’re seeing or understand why it is so problematic, trust your instinct. Unaddressed narcissism becomes an innate personality trait. It is close to impossible to change. Therapy only helps if the person is open to helping themselves, which requires them to be self aware. They really need to want to seek help. Otherwise it is useless. I’ve tried. I also must warn you - in narcissistic relationships mirroring is very common. You may see yourself picking up some of their behaviors in an effort to find own freedom. Things like doing whatever you want whenever you want, making rash and unpredictable decisions, etc. are common. Notice yourself doing these things, be self aware, and if you fall into any of these habits make sure to address them before involving yourself with any one else. Please DM me if you want to chat further. Happy to share any additional experiences or advice if its helpful.
Rising Star
I’m sorry you had to endure all that pain, but happy that you’re ‘free’. I’m sure you still have some residual affects.
Call it quits. My sister was married to a narcissistic and dissolving that marriage was the best thing she did. Narcissistic personality disorder folks don't accept their issues and if you stay it will be futile.
DM me if there is some support you need.
Check out /r/muslimmarriage
I’m married to a narcissist and have an ongoing struggle over staying or going, but I think abuse is a dealbreaker. I have been married before and was physically abused in that earlier marriage. I can tell you from that experience that it only escalates, and it will get even worse if/when you have children. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but for the sake of both you and any future children you might have, you need to get out of this marriage.
M or F? I’m a male so the physical abuse is getting slapped in the face, abuse is abuse but that’s the least of my worries. What’s making you stay with a narcissist? I know it’s a spectrum so some may be more tolerable
Rising Star
Update: left her few months ago, best decisions of my life. Thank you everyone who shared words with me on this post.
Chief
Bro, I wish you find the coolness of your eyes soon!
I think we should really stop ‘both siding’ the issue… offer constructive feedback / advice and most importantly be emphatic.
My childhood male friend was a narcissist and being friends with him took a toll on me / ruined my life. After decades of friendship, I had to stop being friends with him for my own sanity and I honestly wish i’d done it earlier but qadr of Allah. I Can’t imagine being married to one, may Allah facilitate your affairs OP.
I’m a male, sis 😂
Get out of this relationship asap.
Physical abuse is NEVER ok. OP - I’d say try to record some of this behavior just in case if she claims something crazy later
Hi what are some traits of your spouse that you’d label as narcissistic behavior? Genuinely curious about it, not to judge
No problem bro. I am very big on self care. I think sometimes we are always ready to protect everyone else’s feelings (family… in-laws) but you need to do this for you. I know it’s hard to do and sounds like you want to make it work but SHE ALSO have to put in the effort. If she won’t, it’s a lost case and you will give way more than you should.
Good luck OP! It will get t better inshallah. There is a woman out there that will be your rock, care about you and be mature enough to handle relationship problems in a healthy way.
Did you not know each other before getting married? I’d say just to not have any future regrets try therapy and see if you can work on some of these issues. Did your wife change suddenly after marriage or has she always displayed such behavior?
“I didn’t really think much of it.” ….those are always the red flags that will bite you in the ass again. OP, wish you best of luck. It sounds like you already know what to do tbh