How would you respond to this note sent home on my toddler’s daily report from her in-home daycare provider. Mind you she didn’t say anything to me in person about this. Plus my daughter started saying “no daycare, no friends” when we tell her it’s time to go / ask her if she wants to see her friends.

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You should talk to her and align on expectations for drop off. Sounds like you both have different views on how drop off should be. Maybe she didn’t approach you because she was busy tending to the other children. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt.

If you were me, how would you start this conversation? I know I’m very defensive right now based on how this note was written and honestly don’t know how to begin since she’s making the situation out to be extreme.

I’ve been encouraging my daughter to interact with the other kids.

The day this happened, she instructed the other kids to grab my daughter’s arm and bring her into the playroom.

My daughter pulled back and clung onto me. I told her we could all walk in together. She held my hand and a few steps later, she allowed one of the children to hold her other hand.

When we got into the room paper was out for the kids to color. I was like Allie do you want to color? What color do you want? Another kid handed her a crayon which she took and started coloring. Then, the owner said No, the rule is you need to sit. I’m sure my face showed I felt the tone she used was harsh. I encouraged my daughter to sit and then I reassured her that I would pick her up in the afternoon and she would have fun. I hugged and kissed goodbye and I left.

The whole time the provider was just sitting at the table. She wasn’t even interacting with the other kids.

My first reaction was, a mature adult wrote this? This is something that should be discussed directly. A note about needing to set aside time to chat is enough without comments about his/her perception of what’s happening. This goes into accusatory without first seeking to understand.
It also seems like this care provider is taking your child’s response personally so I wouldn’t be surprised if that came out when working through this.

I’m very surprised that she has no helper there (is that legal?). I’ve only had friends who did in-home care like this and none would take more than 5-6 kids and all had a primary and at least one or two helpers. This is in IL and MD so again maybe a legal thing, but even if it was legal, I wouldn’t want to have that many alone how in the world are they doing this?
She sounds overwhelmed and has at least some awareness that her actions would cause friction (asking if you were mad). To me there are 🚩 all over the place with this place.

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