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Hi I run a podcast called The Lawtrepreneur Briefing that explores what's makes a modern lawyer modern. We do this by having conversations with people driving the transformation of the legal profession.
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No such things as friends at work.
This is business--a transactional relationship.
Never get too comfortable or confused.
BEST ADVICE. Well stated.
Just be friendly to everyone. Enough that your showing effort but nothing personal. Play the game.
I typically lie about my weekends being quite, ask people about their kids/families, that’s it.
If there is a happy hour, show your face and leave after one drink
Very rarely will you find a “work friend” that’s a real friend. I need to socialize while at work to maintain my sanity so I do plan lunches and am friendly to a lot of coworkers, especially those closer in age. I do think it’s important to have friends with same or similar career, but not at your actual firm. Also, I think too many people in this career make their career their personal life (partly because they have no friends outside of this career) and they try to push that agenda on everyone else because it has served them well. Everyone is different, so just do what works best for you. And your mentor at your firm isn’t your real mentor btw don’t ever trust them or anyone at your firm
I agree and know my mentor at the firm isn’t really my mentor. It’s been mixed with her. I feel like she is NOW all about giving me advice because my firm has realized that I’m leader outside of the firm (boards) lol. Bleah.
I think this is all so fake and I’m friendly and can shoot the shit, drink beer, etc. One takeaway is that I’ll be a little more open to getting to know my co workers but at the bare minimum lol.
I’m not friends with the other black person in my firm but I think she knows I’d ride for her if ish went down. That is all
Bet.
I think you should have friends, but "work friends" only. Don't share things that are sensitive or potentially embarrassing for your boss to know, but it is important to have people who care for your well-being in this job. Work friends stand by my work product, help set boundaries with partners by covering for me, etc. I go out of my way to help work friends beyond people I don't know at all, and they do the same.
This thread makes me really sad because i’ve made some of my best friends at work - to the point where i was in one of theirs weddings and was invited to others. Work is so much better when you have others to lean on and who understand what you’re going through.
Totally hear you on those non-law jobs and friends. It definitely takes some opening up and a good amount time. I lateraled about a year ago and only started to make friends at my new firm about 6 months in. Covid doesn’t help the situation either. Sometimes staying for that happy hour or going to an associate lunch sounds so unbearable, but it’s going to be where you find others that you can learn to trust.
I’m friends with some co workers and I love it. I’m pretty extroverted and I feel energized when I’m able to hang out with people in the office whenever I need a break. But I’ve never felt like that’s needed and a lot of my co workers don’t operate the same way.
Did I write this? I just came back from a board meeting too lol
I’ve had 3 legal jobs since law school and my current position is the first one where I’d say I’m genuinely friends with my co-workers. It helps that we’re all the same age, people of color, and have similar interests.
To your point though I definitely had “work friends” at my last two jobs and it was absolutely fine. I just tried to socialize once a quarter and keep it very surface. If you’re not feeling the people you work with though I’d say trust your instincts. Lifelong friendships à la coworkers is rare and probably shouldn’t be the goal.
I’m at a firm that’s mostly white. I’m friendly and enjoy doing chill things like small talk, sports, eating, drinking… my social battery has just changed since I’ve gotten more involved with Boards where I’m around others that invigorate me and challenge me. This is all helpful and think I’ll be more intentional about being open to the small talk and etc with my firm colleagues but will not go out of my way to develop lifelong friendships lol…
I think what your mentor probably means is that it’s important to have the support of other people of color at your firm - I was told to surround myself with them, and also have friends who are not people of color. They will support your promotion.
My coworkers may think we’re friends but we’re not. I’m definitely there to listen while they talk about their lives but they don’t know a thing about my personal life 😂
Friends doesn't mean I'll invite them to my wedding. At the end of the day I spend a lot of time with these people so might as well converse on a friendly basis and get to know them. It's more of a networking opportunity than anything else
I’m not. I also don’t feel like I relate to them. We chat at work and things like that, but I’m not friends with them and we don’t hang out
It’s very easy to tell who is a work friend or a real friend. I’ve made 1 true work friend in my career and since leaving that job have no desire to make any new ones. I think it’s important to have people you can go to in case of an issue that you don’t want to bring up to a more senior member but they don’t have to be your best friend.
@AA1, can you elaborate on how to tell the difference? I don’t always find it easy.