{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "For folks whose own and SO’s family live far away….how do you manage childcare? I understand nannies for the day but as I think of multi day outings, would prefer a family member to care for my child. What have others in this long distance situation done? They say it takes a village to raise a child but both our “villages” in terms of family are far away", "post_id": "60ffff5ab63e45002a506556", "reply_count": 29, "vote_count": 5, "bowl_id": "5e6fe1c31f5e51001d267e46", "bowl_name": "Coronavirus Work-life" }

For folks whose own and SO’s family live far away….how do you manage childcare? I understand nannies for the day but as I think of multi day outings, would prefer a family member to care for my child. What have others in this long distance situation done? They say it takes a village to raise a child but both our “villages” in terms of family are far away

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

I hear you- it’s hard! I’m sure some people will respond that they have a reliable babysitter or nanny who does overnight care. And others will say their parents flew up to stay with their kids while they went away for an anniversary weekend. Or a local best friend who also has kids and it became an extended sleepover situation. But my honest answer for me is that we just don’t go away overnight together. I’ve done girls weekends and he’s done guys weekends though. Kids are 5 and 7.

like

Agreed, this is our situation unfortunately. When you really don’t have those other avenues, there’s not an easy solution

like

My wife and I simply chose not to have kids due to this scenario. Perhaps if we move back near family we'll change our minds.

like

We just don’t go anywhere overnight together. Maybe when the kids are older and can sleepover at a friends’ house. It’s not fun, but also not that big of a deal.

like

The “not that big of a deal” is so key! Same with our family. But, OP, for you, if it IS a big deal (for your sanity or your marriage, or for necessity, like you both have work trips that you really want to do), then think about the best alternative for you. Maybe a sibling exists who you can fly out to stay with the kids. Or if there’s literally no one currently who’s an option, go on a hunt for someone (I’ve found local moms groups on social media often have good recommendations for most anything - in my area, this would definitely be a post that would get some good recommendations). I know it’s not the same as family, but i hear all the time about nannies and babysitters who become like family (nannies who become like a 2nd mom; college babysitters who become like big sisters; neighbors who become like grandparents; etc etc). Good luck!

like

Stay at home spouse, yo. Whoever makes the least money and has the least upward trajectory should stay home. Unless, both persons make enough money that a nanny/au pair wouldn’t be outrageous. We had a nanny from England growing up. We really loved her. Still visit her in France when we are summering there!

like

Summering was what tipped you off? Had me at having Mary Poppins for a nanny.

likefunny

Daycare during the day. For multi day outings we fly out my mother or MIL for the time we will be gone. We don’t travel alone too often because of that. Our family lives 3k miles from us. We leverage our daycare provider’s daughters as our babysitters for date nights out. We use a small in home daycare and they have become like family at this point.

likesmart

It’s not that big a deal. Also, the crazy part is that if ever do get to go away without kids, you miss them so much or spend the whole time going ‘xxxx would love this.’

like

We used friends made through the kids' schools. We traded weekend sleep-overs.

like

You get to know parents pretty darn fast if you want to. Obviously with kids ages you haven't had that experience. Play dates, having couples over for several hours on a weekend. Hosting someone's kids stay over without their parents teaches a lot about the other family. You do the best you can and teach your kids how to behave and what to do when they feel uncomfortable.

We struggled financially for a while but put our kids in daycare. We have never gone anywhere without them unless one of us stayed behind with them. When I was giving birth to my second baby, my sister in law came to stay with us so my first baby wouldn’t be alone over night, but that was the only time.

like

It’s extremely difficult - I hear you! Thankfully we have Daycare and Summer Camp. We won’t do multi-day outings without the kids until they’re older… our parents are elderly so there is no chance they can help. Strong work-life boundaries do help! If you can house an au pair, some people have found success there.

like

Yah I’m very cognizant about putting too much burden on parents. Parents are older now! I see some of my friends call on their parents to do everything and in certain situations find it to be selfish/ overly frugal. Of course varies upon the individual and parent

like

I’m so relieved to see we’re not alone in this scenario. We haven’t been able to go anywhere together in a few years because of this dilemma. My in-laws are close but my husband is the baby and so by the time we had kids they were too old/frail to help out. My parents live in another state and my Dad is in poor health so we don’t ask them for help either and we haven’t developed any friendships where we feel comfortable leaving our small children overnight and don’t have any babysitters we’d really want staying over night either…plus we have dogs so that’s another layer of complication.

like

This exact reason is why I'm probably moving somewhere I usually wouldn't. Preparation for that issue.

like

Sometimes you can’t relay on family. Childcare is expensive. My family solution was I work during the day and hubby works in the evening. And luckily we both are off on the weekends. So their is always an adult home. Before the big C. We would also do after school as well. Best of luck and I hope you find what works for you.

like

We have dropped the kid at parents and flown out from airport near them, we have had the nanny stay a few nights at our house, we’ve had parents come stay at our house. Depends on the trip and the duration.

like

Give up on multiday outings unless you are flying to drop the kids off at grandma's. We have friends for emergencies, babysitters for planned activities, but at the end of the day children too young to be left with these people should probably not be left with anyone for multiple days.

like

For those recommending an au pair - we have one, technically you're not allowed to use them for overnights, let alone multiple overnights, and you can get kicked out of the program if the agency finds out. I know some people have that relationship with theirs where they've done it but ours would never agree to that (she's a bit of a spoiled brat, that's the other thing is that you don't really know what you're getting into with them until you've lived with them a while.)

like

When we didn’t have family nearby, we just didn’t do overnights. We purposely moved closer to family so we can have a semblance of a life again. With more remote work opportunities, moving close to family worked out pretty well

We don’t do overnights away and can’t trust either set of parents, even if we lived near them. It’s tough. On the plus side, our daughter seems to be a good flyer.

Idk. I wouldn't expect anyone to watch my kids. It would be my responsibility to deal with it since I chose to bring them into this world.

We have friends who also have kids and will trade off.

Daycare is the most affordable route in lieu of friends/family.

Related Posts

I’m a 1st year prob 1 teacher & I just found out I’m pregnant (due mid-June). Definitely NOT planned and VERY stressed nervous. It’s hard to be happy right now. Advice on telling my principal, etc?

like

Did anyone's brains just stop working while pregnant? I'm 13 weeks and can only manage to work half days. I'll sit at my computer for 12 hours and bill only 3-4 hours instead of my standard 8-10. I have work to do, but zero motivation or availability to focus unless there's a looming deadline. Does this phase pass? Did this happen to anyone else?

likefunny

Just got an offer at ACN as a Strategy Manager and HR made it clear that parental leave was 2 weeks fully paid for men. Theoretically up until 12 weeks is covered by NY State ($900 weekly). What would you do? Have you seen men take a few months off for parental leave in consulting even if unpaid?

like

🙋‍♂️Raise your hand if you think you’ve had COVID but never tested positive or tested positive for antibodies in the last 8 months.

like

possible to work from home, full time, without any childcare with one child under 2? 🤡

like

Should be getting a raise by the end of this month, I am definitely being underpaid, do I bring this up before or after I find out how much my raise is?

like

Is it normal for a Partner to tell me “you know this will delay your promotion by 6 months” a day before my STD for mental health reasons? (P.S. He assumed I took the leave for mental health reasons although I never mentioned that to him). He also said “people like you leave and never come back so make sure you talk to your sponsors before making any decision, there are people who are excited to work with you”.. the conversation is on replay in my head

like

Game ideas for a virtual Baby Shower? Thanks in advance !

like

We have the nanit baby monitor, and I have noticed that my 8.5 month old daughter’s breathing slows to 20 breaths per minute while she is sleeping. The average range nanit gives is 23-62…do I have anything to be concerned about? I can’t find anything about it online, really. It does seem slow, based on what I have seen.

like

Ethics on having one’s kid prepare decks as form of punishment

likefunny

Does anyone know anything about these watches? My father passed away and I found these in things which I believe belonged to his uncle.

Post Photo
like

14 months into my first agency job and I’ve been told from my CDs that I’ve been recommended for a raise. What should I ask for? I’m making 58k now and have had a bunch of work produced.

My wife is telling me to start looking for a new job now and I prefer to wait until after the 3 - 4 month parental leave when my kid is born in late July. Her position: You’re not likely to find what you want for several months so you should start looking in May. What does everyone else think?

likesmart

Odds of the MD school shooter coming from a broken home with no father figure?

like

Went from wanting to only focus on my career and not even wanting kids to now wanting to be a SAHM while I raise kids and go back into a more relaxed job. Has anyone else had a crazy shift in thinking like that? Been single this whole time, so no one is influenting this

like

This mother is so worried about not sitting next to her 20 year old son. He is remarkably okay with it.

like

How soon is too soon to ask for a raise? I know the raises in this industry are usually pretty standardized, so wanted to hear some insight about this topic. Thanks!

like

Had a discussion with my father that he believes relationships are only out of convenience; over time no one actually wants to be married. Example: someone to cook for you, clean while you’re busy working, etc. Women, do you feel this as well? What is convenient for you?

like

My best friend (lives in a different state) had a baby and I feel like we have nothing in common to talk about anymore. 😔 Anyone else been in this situation? (Im not a baby person myself)

like

I just got promoted over a friend and I am really worried about how this will impact her. To be honest I think she is even more deserving of the promotion than me. What do I do to make it better so our friendship isn’t poisoned by this?

like

Additional Posts

Applying to lbs, judge Cambridge, insead, nus and Cass as safety. Does this look good? Lbs only if I get scholarship. Should I replace Cass with imd? 28, 4yoe, 2 promotions, already got masters 3.7 in tech and undergrad 3.7 finance from top 60 schools. Impressive work experience. Will sit for gmat hoping 690-720

like

Anyone know of any agencies open to a fully remote copywriter (East Coast, USA, if that matters, but I’m not fussy)? I'm struggling to get back into the real agency world after some time in small-market purgatory. Also, if there are any CDs willing to check out my book and give me an honest assessment on whether they think it's good enough to get a job with, it would be much appreciated. Can DM anyone willing to have a look.

like

Anyone know Accenture’s PTO Policy?

like

Interviewing with Elixirr next week for a (Senior) Consultant role in NYC; recruiter connected me to opportunity. Concerns are that they do more execution than strategy and quoted compensation at $115K might be lower than industry average. Would appreciate any insight on reputation and career development prospects.

like

Is it possible to transition from an IT production support role in to a IT QA role for another company?

like

What’s the usual compensation for an Associate at BCG? Currently work at a Big 4 (1.5 years of experience) and am in the interview process

like

Got the Delta notification for weather issues in LGA tomorrow...who is adjusting their flights?

like

What’s the worst career advice you’ve gotten?

likefunny

Has anyone taken short term disability leave for a mental breakdown? I’m like 5 minutes from a breakdown and I just want to know what my options. I have a psychiatrist, do I need her to tell work I need treatment?

like

DM me for referral in Cognizant 1. Automation Engineer (Selenium/UFT/API/DevOps/Java/Python) 2. Mainframe QA Experts (CICS/ JCL/ DB2 / COBOL)

like

Just joined Deloitte in July out of UG, but want to make move to MBB. Is it a good idea to start applying right away or do I need more experience before making the jump?

like

Thoughts: my colleague passed away this week. He had no bank nomination or will. His personal savings gone to the state and not his family. Observations: Beef up your life insurance

likesmart

We just got informed that no Emirates flights can be booked for now. Any fish have seen their companies announce the same?

like

New to consulting. Coming In at Partner level. Standard dress code on zoom calls?

like

Conference call bingo - my board is almost full and it’s only day one wfh and the work day is still young 😅

Post Photo
likefunny

I’m a 1st year prob 1 teacher & I just found out I’m pregnant (due mid-June). Definitely NOT planned and VERY stressed nervous. It’s hard to be happy right now. Advice on telling my principal, etc?

like

Can we transfer life insurance portfolio to an another client/firm? I am currently with AXA and looking to get maximum yield/return. Any suggestions? Tips?

like

401k rollover question — has anyone rolled over their 401k to their Roth IRA instead of a traditional IRA. or new company 401k? Can you explain your strategy here?

like

For people managers, will you choose to downgrade to individual contributors at FAANG or continue being a people manager in traditional industries (e.g., finance, healthcare)?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal