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No, you sound pretty much in the wrong here. There is no "helping too much" in being a dad and a partner. Don't underestimate how tough being a stay at home mom is.
Also maybe she also had a particularly difficult day yesterday. Did you ask, or just assume she should help you given you didn’t sleep much because of those oh so important slides.
So I’m a single dad of two in the same respect. I have a gf who assists me every now and again, but she also has a career and life - and they aren’t her responsibility.
C1 was harsh, but he isn’t wrong. In one aspect, we watched our fathers/grandfathers give everything they could without a word and die by 50. In another, it’s fair to get a day every now and then when you just need a break in the smallest way.
We all have our roles and a division of labor that sometimes we don’t openly acknowledge. Talk to her about how there will be those days when you just need a few Zs. I’m sure there is a reason this time she didn’t understand; or want to understand.
Neither of you were wrong. Life (especially with kids) has ups and downs. My wife is also a homemaker and “works” harder than anyone I know. There are days she is at then end of her rope, needs more help from me, and I fail. There are also days when I’m battered from work, need more help, and she fails. What’s worked for us is learning to accept it, man/woman up when you fail and tell them you are aware of their struggles, apologize and move forward.
This can and will get amplified if boundaries aren’t clear and there is regular communication. I’m in the worst of it where there is barely any communication and it’s more tit for tat. “You slept in yesterday and I got up with kids, therefore I should do that today.” While it makes sense here as a small example, it’s a viscous cycle that should be headed off as much as possible with agreements on schedule and who is responsible for what/when. if that trying to be even in support is happening it’s tough to handle unless you know what’s being ‘counted’.
Stay at home wife’s hardly have an understanding what u undergo in job. Have a straight conversation and set boundaries around tasks u can support in home and than stick to that
I’m in same position. Give a little and also set boundaries. I am not a partner in doing the laundry. I am a partner in getting kids ready, doing homework, and keeping kitchen clean. You need to be clear about what you think you can really help with and what you can’t or won’t. A loving conversation about scope is in order.
Do you want her to say “thank you for being a dad and doing dad things?”
Feeling appreciated is helpful. What are ‘dad things’ ? That’s the point, they are not clear and change daily/hourly. Yes there are expectations as a parent but sometimes it helps to have common ground and recognize each other.
Just communicate. Make sure she knows when you need time, and she needs to tell you when she needs your time. If you’re both beat, then figure it out and suffer together.
I wholeheartedly disagree that one partner can “do too much to help,” but am surprised nobody’s given you an inch.
Listen, you probably do a massive amount, in terms of hours spent working and resources earned. You likely are stupendously appreciated, even if your sacrifices maybe aren’t understood or don’t always get acknowledged.
Helping out in the morning after a long night is hard. Maybe it didn’t go so well this time; it happens. Do better next time.