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Black mama here with a toddler and infant 👋🏾
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Hello fellow Fishes I have an offer from persistent. Need some clarity on same. I want to know the grade system in persistent. What does 7.1 mean? Is 7.1 a right fit for an total experience of 10+ years? What is the appropriate CTC for an architect designation? I want to know if I am getting it as per experience.
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I’m so happy this bowl exists 🥹🫶🏼
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Take a step back. Moving in together after only dating a short bit would be a bad idea especially for some one like him. It may have been better for you each to get a roommate and you see how it goes. That's if you were up for an adventure for a new city. But he just may not be available. It's so sad and sorry you are hurting.
Here's the story: 2 years ago i moved to dublin and met my friend's flatmate, we three went on a trip to NY and i fell for this flatmate, we had two dates after but then he moved to another country for his MBA. We stayed in touch and a year ago I asked if he likes me and he said no, only as a friend, last summer we met again, i think he realized his mistake as he makes comments "like slip into my bed" and gives me that look, he planned a vacation before starting to work again and we say I could join, fast forward we spent more than three amazing weeks together, we laugh and joke a lot, no arguments, he asked me if i can see myself working in his city and at the beginning i say no but when we sit at the gate i tell him that i could actually. For four months afterwards he helps me with the job search and we text each other almost daily. I visited him once and we had a lovely time again.
He tells me he has a 2 month notice period for his temporary apartment, so in my mind, when i get a job in his city we move in together and give this a try, so if we fail, we fail fast and could move on after a year in this city
On Friday I got a job offer and i tell him that the office is 1h away from his current apartment and he tells me "fyi i am looking for a flat with my friend viren", whoch makes me sick, i tell him i am mostly moving for him (i know it puts a lot of pressure on him) and that i want and deserve someone who is sure about me and he replies:
Hey xxx, I’m glad that we talking about this, especially before you make the decision to move, which I can see how it is related to our situation. Let me share with you my thoughts and feelings. I know it may be a bit awkward to do this via a message and I would totally prefer to do this in person, but we are limited by the circumstances.
Firstly, I have really enjoyed spending time with you and I think that we had many fun and valuable moments together. At the same time I don’t yet feel that same level of development of romantic feelings and I can see how this may lead to an asymmetry in our feelings towards each other at this point. I was thinking whether I should give it more time, hence I was initially in favour of your decision to move to CPH, but at the same time I also don’t want to be the major reason on why you move here only to realise, that, after some time, this may go nowhere, romantically speaking. I understand how this can create a lot of uncertainty for you, which is not great to have before making the big decision on moving here. What further adds to the uncertainty is the fact that I don’t know how long I will actually stay in CPH. I have developed some feelings of returning to my home country at some stage (maybe few years from now). Whilst life here is OK, I don’t quite feel that connection to the city and don’t think I will feel it.
I totally agree that you deserve to be with a person who shows you these characteristics and I also think that you deserve a higher level of certainty than what you can currently get from me in order to decide to move here. So I do agree with you that we should go separate ways, romantically speaking. To be frank this is something that I don’t say with a light heart, but I think it is best for the both of us. I would of course really like to stay in touch with you, as a friend, as I truly value you as a person.
It kills me because i know that he is just so scared of rejection adn heartbreak that he rather pushes me away instead of letting me get closer, at the same time i know i can't fix him and i deserve someone who truly loves me.
This would have been our only chance to see if it works and it makes me sad that he blew this opportunity after supporting me with the job search until now
I don’t think this is the case. He just doesn’t feel the same and he is telling you and warning you. I would not move or make any long term plans or life changes for this guy.
I think people give excuses about their feelings and history (trauma) but in this case I think he just doesn’t see you guys working out long term. Men will play with your emotions. Hold your head high and walk away.
Bowl Leader
I’m sorry you’re going through this! I think it’s good he’s sharing his feelings before you move there. If you’re excited about the job offer and the city, then go for it and move for you! I think it’s good you were honest with your feelings and he was honest back. It doesn’t sound like he’s pushing you away, it just sounds like he doesn’t feel the same way. And doesn’t want to lead you on. Focus on yourself and starting a new chapter!