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Thoughts on the Peloton bike?
For my fellow desi 🐠(M and F both) struggling to get in shape:
Consider looking up this guy for your personal training needs:
https://instagram.com/ahsanactive?igshid=vpw46chl6g60
I have lost 8 pounds already in 5 weeks, and gaining muscle steadily- almost no changes to my very desi food centric-diet. Check him out, you will not be disappointed as long as you stick to his plan for you!
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Acceptance is the answer.
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I messed ups no need help. Idk where to turn.
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Al-anon can give you some comfort. I have an alcoholic husband who is still in denial. 2020 has definitely hit us harder on that front.
Bowl Leader
Check out a book called Codependent No More. I’m halfway through and it’s really powerful.
I drank like that. Modestly with my boyfriend. Like crazy when alone. He stuck by me and I got sober six years ago. Suggest going to a virtual AA meeting together. If he is into meditation I suggest Against the Stream Meditation Society. Agree with others that he’s is pain and covering it up. Stopping drinking allows you to look at the source of the pain and address it.
Bowl Leader
If you weren’t in the picture, would he still want to “be better”? Does HE want to stop drinking (or drink less)?
In AA, alcohol is described as “cunning, baffling, and powerful”, which makes it so hard (impossible actually) to say whether someone else is an alcoholic, unless they’ve gotten to the very drastic final stages.
It’s these “final stages” that most people typically view as “alcoholism”, and unfortunately it’s this type of thinking that perpetuates the stereotype and prevents a lot of people from getting help earlier. Granted, alcohol is always wrapped up in a huge amount of denial, so it’s an uphill battle no matter what.
I’ve been in recovery for almost three years, and I can point back to my very first drink and recognize the THINKING that goes along with the drinking. It goes like this: I loved my first sip. I wanted more. I took a second sip. It was as good or better than the first. I took a third sip, repeat until the brain or body finally give in (aka black out, throw up, or pass out). I repeated that pattern almost every single weekend for 15 years. YEARS! Some do it for 50 years! If they don’t die first...
Now if that’s not bad enough, this is a progressive disease, which means it always gets worse, never better. Time nor money nor intelligence nor good looks nor family nor friends can make things better if I’ve got this real deal alcoholism. Can you identify it early before it truly ruins your life? Yes. Can it kill you in a million ways if you do nothing about it? Also yes. Is recovery ALWAYS an option no matter how far down you’ve gone? Thank God, yes!
But it all comes back to this vital question: Can I CONTROL *and* ENJOY my drinking when I want to?
There were times that I controlled it, but I didn’t really enjoy it. I can point to several times where I had the two glasses of wine at a business dinner, but you’re damn sure I wanted more and I was certainly thinking about it the whole meal. Sometimes I even ordered a bottle of wine to my room after the meal.
And when did I really enjoy it? When I had no limits, no governor, no impediments to the pace at which I wanted to consume. These were bliss, right up until the incomprehensible demoralization that always followed the next morning. What did I do? Where am I? Who is next to me? Where’s my wallet? Who did I call or text? What did I say???
I’m glad that I no longer have to live that life. There are lots of ways to recover; AA is what works for me. Al-Anon is also what works for many family and friends of alcoholics, because those people need recovery too.
As for tactical advice (if you’ve read this far, haha, sorry for the long post), I recommend you read this: https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_foreworddoctorsopinion.pdf
And then see if your boyfriend will read it. It will either mean nothing or it will mean everything. ❤️
Bowl Leader
You can have the first kick ☺️, but eventually he has to be the one kicking his own butt to take action.
My girlfriend at the time (7 years ago) gave me the kick. I went to one AA meeting. Did not understand a single thing, and thought I didn’t belong. I continued drinking for another 4 years, during which I totaled a car, cheated on her numerous times, spent a night in jail, and several other ridiculous and embarrassing things.
Fast forward to February 24, 2018; I was so mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually broken, that the next time I walked into AA I was a little bit more ready to hear what they had to say. That’s all it takes though; one tiny drop of willingness. Eventually, the goodness can start flowing in, and you realize you have a vast ocean of recovery all around you.
Therapy first. He’s drinking because something else is bothering him. It’s easy to label someone an addict or alcoholic but it sounds like he may be a binge drinker. Two different things however I must say abstaining from alcohol works for both.
“We tried to find an easier softer way but could not. Half measures availed us nothing - we stood at the turning point.”
Hes trying to do his mess when ur not around. I'm gonna assume he cares about alot. Could be covid, could be him. If u love him ve supportive and feel it out, he might be going through a phase
Thank you for sharing! He does love me so much and has said he would quit for me, so I think he knows he has a problem. I’m wondering whether therapy would help him.
If your boyfriend is a lawyer, your state bar association will have a lawyers assistance program. I go to meetings hosted by the NYC bar association on Thursday nights.