If you have $50k in debt as an individual before getting married, how do you deal with it when you get married? Do you keep it separate and pay it off yourself or if you have everything in a joint account tackle it all together?

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Depends on what kind of marriage you want to have. If you want it to be transactional from the beginning, then tell them it’s theirs and they can deal with it on their own. Go ahead and send them a bill for their portion of the ketchup, the air conditioning, and the laundry soap while you’re at it. If you want to learn how to do hard things together and unify yourselves as a family unit, accept everything that your significant other is bringing to the relationship, take ownership of it as both of yours and handle it together.

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My wife and I combined every when we got married. Including bank accounts and paying off debt. Today we're almost debt free, with only a small mortgage outstanding. Successful marriages come in many forms, but being on the same page and working together financially is a great factor in long term success.

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Agree with this.

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I personally think when you get married, everything, including debt, is both of yours.

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I worked as a client facing person while married for 25 years. My spouse worked as well and we made it work despite my crazy hours. It can be done.

As far as debt goes I never had that situation but we always talked things through about major purchases and made sure we stayed within our guardrails.

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Probably something you should discuss before getting married. If it were me, that would be a separate responsibility.

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I treat premarital debt is like premarital assets. I will not pay my spouse’s debt and do not expect him to pay mine.

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It depends on the state and country I suppose? Where I came from originally and the state I live now, as long as you can prove the assets were before marriage, they are safe.

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My wife and I married in 2005. She had $175k of law school and college debt. I knew about it. Since we view marriage as a partnership and we are all in together, how to handle wasn’t a discussion. It was hard, but paid it all off in a little less than 10 years. 20 year anniversary coming up in December. When you are married to the right person, all issues are surmountable.

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I personally am not going to hold my wife responsible to pay off my student loans. I make more anyway.

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My husband and I co-mingled everything: assets, debt, the works. We sat down prior to marriage and disclosed everything, came up with budgets & plans, got a joint account, and worked as a team. It worked for us as our philosophy is that - once we were doing life together - there was no “separate”.

That “let’s work this together” approach has taken us from a young newly married couple with about $100k in student loans and credit card debt and combined income of $180k to now a debt-free couple with a net-worth of just over 2.2M and, thanks to some recent promotions, annual income of $750k combined. The right partner that helps you bear the burden and life gets very sweet. I recommend picking well and not being miserly.

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I’d think if the spouse knew about it and there wasn’t a specific arrangement pre-marriage, then it should be tackled together. Because, pre-marital assets would likely be shared in a divorce (absent a pre-nupt). So why not the debt?

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Clearly nobody here has been through a divorce based on the responses, so I would advise that you seek counsel if you have any legal questions. But if it’s just a moral question then do what you feel is right.

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Alright, thank you all! Appreciate everyone’s input! I believe we’ll just tackle it all together!

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That’s nice that it worked out. I’m guessing he went on to practice law and not just have the certificate framed on a wall to tell folks he went to law school, while still holding the same job he did while going to law school 17 years later.

I am in the separate bucket for premarital assets and debt. I had an internal feeling when 6 years after law school he wasn’t doing anything related to it, that I shouldn’t get involved and I didn’t. He is doing yet another advanced degree now and taking out student loans (law school still not paid off) with no concrete plans for the “after.” Bought a new SUV with all the bells and whistles (granted his previous car was 2003), but he didn’t consider that his insurance and excise taxes would increase, and then I have to always hear that he has more expenses than me! Well I make financial decisions differently. Now he wants to do an extension on the house! How do we pay for it? His answer is always we’ll figure it out—ok yeah, I work with math. The math isn’t mathing.

Together works when there is a meeting of the minds financially. I need peace of mind. And maybe it makes me less of a risk taker, but as an accountant, if the analysis doesn’t make sense, I don’t do it.

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What’s mine is yours brother

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Here we go again, the Americans who marry in their 40-50s and worry about debt/income being separate. What a society we live in!

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I think you fail to understand the judicial systems in some states here in America. Until you've had to sell all your houses (including the one you live in with your children), clear out your retirement accounts, and sell all other assets just to give your ex half... you probably wouldn't get it. Especially, if you had 90% of those things before getting married. It feels like you've been robbed after a 15 year marriage and have to start from scratch again. It really kind of jades some folks from ever wanting to do that again... ew!

My husband started taking classes after we got together. He struggled a lot with online classes and it was not for him. His debds before marriage were my debts I paid them to help us qualify for a mortgage. My debts will be our debts when I am done with school because the money I make from earning the degree helps the whole family. The car payments are our debts, the tax returns are our money, and my disability and his paychecks are all pooled money. We discuss major purchases.

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What was your debt for? It should depend on fairness and circumstances. If both decided to share income and expenses and pool together assets from the start, it's not fair for SO to pay for something personal like student debt for instance. If it's something that benefits both of you like car loans, investment property then it makes little sense to not share it. You'll have more joint finance decisions down the road - family planning, travel, investments, and the unfortunate windfall gain from inheritance. One of you may even support the other to step back from working FT to focus on something else. I feel that sharing some non-personal debt now should not be an impediment to how you plan your joint finances. I also hear what most said about protecting your assets in case of a fallout but if you really take it that seriously then agree with SO to sign a prenup.

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Marriage = whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours. Treating it like a cold business transaction is setting yourself up for failure. You're in it together otherwise what's the point? My husband and I have been together for 20 years. We never leave the other one hang out to dry alone. Life isn't easy and things aren't fair and equal despite the propaganda going around in the media. It's much more bearable with a partner in this crap world.

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Legally I believe it is separate….similar later on if there is a divorce joint assets begin once legally married. I am not an attorney and going by my experience with those I know…so please seek legal counsel

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Divorce is based on state law, so it depends what state OP is in. Also, different types of debt could be handled differently.

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Pay it off yourself

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I came into my marriage with no debt, but no major assets either.

My husband came into the marriage with only debt against assets (i.e, big chunks of land). We are both paying off those pieces of land that he owned before, and now they are both ours… but i think if we get divorced he’d get some portion above me in the value of those assets at that time.

I think leveraged assets are fine to share the responsibility for, but frivolous credit card debt (or the like) is pretty ridiculous and I’d ask that they work on paying that off themselves from their own paycheck (and forego any additional splurge spending) until they get that in control.

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Get married and pay it off together

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