I've been at my current role for three years now and have never received a pay increase. I know it's beyond time I asked, but I haven't because I have crippling anxiety. I get too nervous to schedule those types of one on ones. Any advice on how to go about this and what I should say?

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My advice would be to work it into a year end, performance calibration, or regularly scheduled 1:1 conversation with your manager. Putting something on their calendar that directly or indirectly alludes to this topic may result in them having their guard up. I would also do some homework to highlight your strengths, accomplishments, and a market value comparison with similar roles internal and external to your organization. It’s normal to be anxious about these types of conversations but being well prepared will reduce some of the anxiety. Another really effective approach is to build an informal coalition with a well-respected individual(s) at your firm who you have a good relationship with and can speak first hand to the value you add. This will amplify your own logic and introduce an unbiased 2nd opinion. What you don’t want to do is have this come off as an ultimatum even if you truly feel a raise is necessary to continue your employment with them. I love to nerd out about helping people advocate for themselves so feel free to send me a DM if you think you want to explore further.

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