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you probably married him knowing all these things... you can't expect people to change
Going to be the minority here, but I’m going to say what I think you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear. You swore a sacred vow to this person, to love him in sickness, health, stupidity, and all of the above. Those were your words, your vow. You should honor that and aim to fix the relationship rather than call it quits.
You should have an honest talk with your husband and potentially go to couple’s counseling. I wouldn’t throw your husband out the door for being imperfect. We all are, albeit to differing degrees - but all imperfect nonetheless. If everybody broke their commitments when the times got tough, nobody would commit to one another. What a sad world that would be.
And times get tough for all of us. You’re not alone.
At least he knows how to trap a deloitte woman
Just leave the poor man alone, it seems both of you will be happy without each other. All the reasons “excuses” you just listed are things people start complaining about when they fall out of love. If its not meant to be then it’s not meant to be. There is no manual to marriage and you don’t have to get it right the first time, neither do you have to be married. My advice is to not call him names like stupid, you picked him before so respect that and just have a nice conversation explaining it’s not working, no need for anger or fighting. Just express your self and move on.
Bring these matters up in your next feedback discussion with him and consider putting him on a PIP.
He’s already on a double-secret PIP.
I would be careful calling him stupid when he had the judgement to marry you. What’s that say about yourself? Seems fairly cruel, considering you’re talking about your “partner”. It sounds like you would rather treat him as someone that works for you rather than your spouse.
Unpopular opinion: Their true colors were shown, some choose to ignore it and hope marriage solves everything.
The way you speak about him is so disrespectful. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be married to you. If you have issues with him or how things get done in the household, then speak with him like an adult and don’t use derogatory word when you do it. Whether you stay in this marriage or not (I suggest not for his sake), you should get some therapy to understand your anger issues and to learn how to deal with conflict appropriately.
Why did you marry him? Didn’t you know what you signed up for? Anyway, if you don’t have kids, just divorce him.
Outsource the lawn and house cleaning, stop doing his laundry.....this will force him to learn, you do the dishes and he does the trash, cook together. I’m luck because my parents taught me all of this shit in high school, but does not mean I like doing it either. Make a list and decide (with him) who will do what - however because you make more money does not justify him doing more as you both have jobs outside the home. Sounds like you are internalizing this and have hit a boiling point, but if you are ready to walk out on him over chores, this relationship is over. This feeling will become exponential when kids are in the picture as the chores and errands only get more, so for the sake of your unborn children, figure it out or let the man go.
PWC 5- you are advising the wrong person. Read between the lines, she is done, does not respect or trust her husband. Can’t fix that!!
My wife does not cook or clean too, she bad at negotiating prices but hey she painted our home did all the decorations. I am a man and I could not paint. The fact is when you love people you get creative about things like this not disrespect them. We were all raised in different homes/cultures so it should be expected that a partner may not be able to do things the way we expect them to be.
Life is too short to be so bitter. OP reminds me of my first wife. Thank goodness she decided she was too good for me before we had kids. I have been happily married to my 2nd wife for almost 20 years and we have some great kids.
OP - Do the poor guy a favor and leave him. You will think your life will improve but it is he that will benefit the most.
Taking marriage advice from a Big 4 partner is like taking medical advice from a crack addict.
The partner having a "2nd wife" is proof enough.
#Irony
My mother divorced my father when I was a kid. She had the ability to choose from anyone on the planet to say “until death do I part” to, and she took a vow to him. My father wasn’t abusive, he wasn’t an alcoholic, he wasn’t a gambler, he wasn’t a cheater...He was just himself...my dad. She just decided one day that “she didn’t love him.” That day I decided that I no longer loved her. A real parent keeps their promises. A real parent would do anything for their kids. All of a sudden, as a kid, I had to pack my things and move between two places every week. I couldn’t have Christmas with both of my parents in the same room. I couldn’t come home to both parent at night and say to both of them how my day went. I have hated my mother since. And as a person, you as a parent, for this post, I can say without knowing you - I’d hate you just for contemplating this. You need to get your priorities together and think of your kids. Love your husband *at least for your kids!*. If you need to just take antidepressants or something to keep it going, then deal with it. This is your problem and not one to made a problem of your family’s (your kids!). This is the exact statements I have said to my SOs every time they inquire of my thoughts of my mother. I’m an adult and me seeing her today for what she did to me as a parent - is charitable in my presence. You are treading on very thin ice. Read any study online about how divorce is more traumatic to a kid than *even* an actual *death* of a parent. First hand, it is true. If you are selfish enough to divorce the father of your children, that’s your own self centered decision , but be fully prepared to be looked down upon by your kids at least (and hated at most) for the rest of your life. This is the single worst thing I’ve read on here, ever.
Ok so stay in a marriage and be unhappy for your kids? Some people just grow apart and that's just it. What would she look like staying in a marriage that she fell out of love with and be miserable and unhappy to her kids? She might have a daughter and that is telling her daughter "no matter what you have to stay in your marriage. It doesn't matter if you hate the man and he makes you miserable, you have to stay married". I think not. I would rather show my daughter that she still has options and if she is truly unhappy then leave. Yes my mom and dad divorced. Was I happy? No but I loved my mother and I supported her. I also loved my dad and supported him. Come on this is 2023 now!!
Have you considered putting him on a PIP?
You sound like his manager tbh.
Sounds like you need a hug. 🤗
Honestly, I was in a similar situation with a girlfriend when we were living together. I broke up with her because I realized I was mad at her for not being the person I wanted to be with, and that isn’t fair to anyone.
Good luck, I hope you find what you’re looking for and maybe it is in him but don’t waste time on a lost cause. Cut your losses and find a man who knocks your socks off and cuts your grass like the man you deserve :)
Have you discussed your concerns with him? If so, then you should probably leave.
@PwC3, I’d argue life isn’t just about temporal happiness. It’s also about sacrifice. It’s also about sticking it out when things get tough. It’s also about honest open communication. It’s also about working through problems, rather than just ending them. The reward at the end of that tunnel is normally much greater.
I can promise you if you’re just the person who runs when the going gets tough in any situation, you’re going to wake up a very lonely person one day when everyone realizes your game and does the same. Committing to imperfect people is hard but that’s what makes it worth it. You don’t abandon your family in tough situations (unless very extreme, which is not OP’s case). When you get married, you’re now family.
@PwC13
Stop talking. The only person here who should "be in hell" as you say, is you. She should divorce him, take the kids, and take this lazy guy to court for child support.
He's not worth her time. Not even gonna address the sexist undertones of all of your comments in this thread.
If you were my wife I'd leave you.
And be happy putting my laundry in the dishwasher and cleaning the dishes in the bath tub.
OP - Why does the man need to make more money than you?
OP can’t love unless she feels like she receives. Love to her is a pros / cons utility decision. What a soulless person. Feel like a should cry myself to sleep tonight since she apparently has kids.
OP, I don’t blame you at all for being frustrated with a person like that. My father is the same way and I see how it has affected my mother’s life and mine/ my siblings over the years. Having a father that I have myself seen not help my mother in her times of need, not stand up for our family when it was the time to do so, not take on the responsibilities like a partner should, and a long list of of things that he “should” have been doing as part of a family, has left permanent damage to our family. My siblings and I are all adults yet I still see the affects of his actions. If this person does not hear your concerns, then you do what is best for you. My mom stuck it out all these years (and is now 60+) for her kids and until this day my father is the most stubborn and difficult man I have ever known. There are arguments between them and frustration in our household every day because of him. Because of his behavior I have not been able to move out in fear of leaving my mom completely alone. It’s not right. If he doesn’t show any ambition to change, then you do what is best for you. Life is too short to live in misery. I tell my mom every day that she should have left my father once she realized his ways. It’s been 40 years and he still hasn’t changed. It’s no way to live a life and I don’t wish that upon anyone. And to those saying you knew this when you married him, first off way to kick someone when they’re down and second, no that’s not always the case. Many people reveal their true selves after they’re married.
He must be a stud 😂